Post # 1
Mr. Shef and I are having an interfaith wedding. He is Jewish so he wants a ketubah (A Jewish marriage contract for those who don’t know). Obviously since I am not Jewish we will need an interfaith one. It is important to me that his brother (best man) signs as my witness and my sisters (MOH’s) sign as his. Well, Mama Shef isn’t going to have any of that. Since my sisters are Christian and not Jewish they “are not allowed to sign the ketubah”. I would totaly agree with and understand that if this were a fully Jewish ceremony with a fully Jewish couple. We are not. She said it would invalidate it. Well, does the fact that I am Christian and signing it suddenly invalidate it too? And I can’t wait to hear what she says when I tell her my father is going to sign it right next to the rabbi as well since he is co-officiating on my side as my minister. And this was all brought up after she got upset that we were doing the ketubah signing after the ceremony because I don’t want him to see me prior to me walking down the aisle. She says that it is a Jewish custom to sign the ketubah prior to the actual ceremony which I know is true… but not for us. It is a Christian tradition NOT to see the groom prior. No bedekin ceremony either. (she had a fit about that) So, am I crazy for wantig my sisters to sign our ketubah even though it is a Jewish tradition?
Post # 3
Technically no blood relatives should sign the ketubah so that would also not make it legal lol. But if you are interfaith like my FI and I then anyone can sign the sign the ketubah tell her to shove it lol. You could also make the ketubah signing apart of your ceremony by signing it during the ceremony after you walk down the aisle.
Post # 4
WHY is she even involved in this decision? Tell her to go worry about her own ketubah : )
Post # 5
@FutureMrsChaney: I like that but the rabbi keeps saying it will make the ceremony too long… I need to figure out how long the ceremony is going to be at this point because if it is up to me (which it pretty much is) I want the signing as a part of the ceremony. Oh and she told me that a blood relative cannot witness for a blood relative but his brother can witness for me and vice versa because he and I are not blood relatives. Its sneaky and not always legal but eh, no orthodox synagogue would find our marriage legal anyway! lol
Post # 6
@kfricke89: That is true i think the ceremony length is up to you not your Rabbi if it is important to both of you then I would sit with your dad and Rabbi and find a way to make it work.
Post # 7
You are right, and your FMIL is wrong. As a Jew, she should already know that an interfaith ketubah is merely symbolic- since you both aren’t Jewish, it wouldn’t be valid, anyway. For the same reason, it doesn’t really matter who signs it, either. You can have whomever you want.
My husband is Jewish, I’m Catholic. We had an interfaith wedding, and an interfaith ketubah, but we had our ketubah ceremony beforehand (due to time constraints, we had to also have our pics beforehand, so we already saw each other before the wedding). I have two sisters as well, who were my Maid and Matron of Honor- however, I didn’t have them serve as my ketubah witnesses. Since they were already playing a huge role in our wedding, I had my best friend sign it. She is Catholic. My hubby had his cousin sign for him, and the cousin is Jewish. It was a beautiful ketubah ceremony, and I’m really glad we had it. After the ceremony, the ketubah was put in a frame and placed on an easel. It was displayed under the chuppah during our wedding ceremony.
Your MIL needs to understand that an interfaith wedding is just that- INTERfaith. Traditions from both. It’s not a Jewish wedding. Do what feels right for you and your FI. Your MIL already had her wedding- it’s your turn now. Good luck.
Post # 8
@kfricke89: Just wanted to chime in for solidarity. It’s your ketubah and you’re an interfaith couple. Ask the people you would most like to be witnesses. Make it meaningful for you. Find a polite way to tell the FMIL to step off. 🙂
Post # 9
Technically, blood relatives should not sign it, and the witnesses need to be Jewish, but since it’s already an interfaith ketubah, I don’t know if those rules are really applicable.
Although the Ketubah is usually signed before the ceremony (this is what I’ll be doing), the last wedding I went to happened to be a semi-Orthodox one and they actually had it signed during the ceremony, so if that’s good enough for the Orthos, it should be good enough for you too!
One more thing: I obviously have no idea what your MIL is like as a person, and maybe she’s just a difficult individual overall, but it could be that she’s just having a hard time accepting the interfaith thing. After centuries of persecution, we Jews (even those of us like myself who are not necessarily religious per se) are often very scared of seeing our bloodlines die out and having our culture wiped away. I have seen this happen in my own family and it’s a little bit sad. So if that’s the case with your mother-in-law, try to cut her a little bit of slack. That being said, I hope she welcomes you in the family with open arms and shares our traditions with you 🙂
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
She’s wrong anyway! Witnesses are for you as a couple so for a Jewish ketubah his brother would NOT be allowed either way! Sounds like a case of “i-want-to-get-my-way-so-i’ll-make-something-up” from your FMIL! For an interfaith ketubah, there are no rules – you and your fiance decide what you want for your ketubah. My Jewish friend married a non-Jewish girl and they had their dads sign it – no one told them it was invalid! Either way, you can talk to the Rabbi that is officiating and see if s/he has a problem with them signing, and if not, go ahead!
Post # 11
When my in-laws-to-be were married there *was* no ketubah because, as a non-Jew, he was not considered to be bound by a ketubah. I think this not so much a religiuos issue as the intersection of religion and control– FMIL wants to be in charge of this element of her son’s life, irrespective of the religious angle
Post # 12
I didn’t even think we could have a ketubah (I’m Jewish, FI is Christian). I thought you have to know how to sign your Hebrew name. Is there a certain kind of interfaith ketubah that is less religious and more um, English? If so, show me where to buy it! 🙂
Post # 13
@GolfGal: there are totally english interfaith ketubahs! just google.
Post # 14
I am planning on having my sister (MOH– Catholic) and fiance’s father (best man– raised Christian, married a Jew!) sign. It’s totally just a symbolic thing and not a “contract” anymore, so I dont think the blood relative thing matters at all and clearly i am going to sign my own ketubah and I’m not Jewish!!
the website we are probably going to order ours from even allows you to edit the signature lines if you want and you could add a “priest” line if you wanted to make it all inclusive and have him sign too… we won’t do that, and just have our deacon sign the legal marriage cert and the rabbi sign the ketubah to make it “balanced”.
Post # 15
@GolfGal: check out this http://www.mpartworks.com/interfaith-ketubah-text.htm they have all kinds of texts and you can get hebrew and english or just english.
Post # 16
NotFroofy and I signed our ketubah during the ceremony. (That was particularly impressive in NotFroofy’s case, since she is not Jewish but still managed to sign her transliterated name in Hebrew.) And all our guests–Jewish and nonJewish, related and not, male and female–signed as witnesses. Seriously, the big issue with having nonJewish people, blood relatives, or women signing is that the ketubah would not be accepted by the Orthodox–but they would not accept an interfaith ketubah in any event.