Post # 1
My parents have been married for 30+ years. My mom was a SAHM ever since I was born, and my dad has always been the breadwinner. My mom virtually has had no idea what’s going on with their finances since the 80’s. Now they are going through a very messy divorce, which has left my mom pretty much in the dark about money (DH and I have had to give her the money for her legal fees, since my dad gives my mom NO money at all, and obviously my mom hasn’t worked so she has no money of her own). If the courts do not award her maintenance aka alimony, she’s going to have to start her life over with nothing at age 58. Which is a shame because she is the most selfless person I know. She’s given her life to raise her children (which I am very thankful for!!)
Growing up seeing this, I always vowed to myself that I would know what’s going on financially in my marriage. So, this got me to thinking. Who “controls” (pays bills, etc.) the money in your relationship?
Post # 3
Right now, we each have separate accounts and contribute by half to all expenses (bills, rent, gas and food) with the occasional splurge by one or the other (though those are off the table now b/c FI is looking for a job).
Once both of us have stable employment, we are going to get a joint account to cover those expenses, but I think we’ll always keep separate accounts – it makes more sense. If one of us ends up being a SAHM/SAHD, I guess we’ll have to cross that bridge but there will never be a time where we aren’t both completely in the know when it comes to our money.
I grew up in a family that managed money poorly and it was the source of so much stress – FI’s family is very open about money, and I like that.
Post # 4
Also, I’m sorry your mom & your family is going through this. Divorce is never easy, and it has to be terrifying to be in her position. Thankfully she has a wonderful daughter in her life!
Post # 5
I do but I certainly wouldn’t say I control the finances, I prefer manages.
Post # 7
I guess I can answer my own question. DH and I have a joint savings and a joint checkings. All money gets deposited into checkings. We transfer a certain amount over to savings each month. I have a budget in Google Docs that both of us can access at any time, but I am the one that makes all the bill payments. DH is fully in the loop with everything I do financially (he prefers I handle the money, anyways, since I’m the accountant!).
I allocate each of us “our own” money each month. Everything else is “shared.” It works out well for us – I’m glad I’m with a man who is so secure with having his woman take care of the bills 🙂
Post # 8
@Treejewel19: <—what she said
We’re pretty much doing what @jocember said. We have separate accounts and split everything in half. He said he wants to pay off his debt before we open up a joint account and I want to buy a car this year, so it just makes sense for us to not combine stuff yet. I’m usually the one who reminds him when bills need to be paid though.
Post # 9
@MissCalifornia: Thank you, I appreciate it!!
Post # 10
We both make about the same and both “control” our own money. but we both bascailly know the whole picture. He pays for the utilities since I didnt want to deal with setting it up, he pays the mortgage and I pay for the CC’s (gas, food, everythign misc), and property tax. It’s split fairly evenly just so neither of our accounts dip too low, but even if it does, our accounts are linked and we’ll just tell the other that we’re taking a chunk from their account.
Post # 11
So sorry to hear what your mom is dealing with right now. I can’t even imagine.
We’re the same way jocember is, except we share a savings account. All bills get paid 50/50, with the exception of gas (we only have one car, and I hardly ever drive it) and cell phone bill. Groceries are probably paid for mostly by me only because I’m usually the one doing the shopping, but it’s worked well for us.
Growing up my parents both had separate accounts but had access to the other’s account in case of emergencies. My mom paid these bills, my dad paid those bills, but nothing was ever really kept from the other.
Post # 12
Aww your poor mom! How awful for you both *hugs*
In answer to your question. We have a seperate account each, and then each pay into our joint account and then all the bills / expenses go out of this. Day to day I know what is going in and out of that account, and generally everything happens by direct debit. But we have an organised folder with bills / payments etc in and he knows how to access the account if he needs to. He just doesn’t ever feel the need to!! 🙂
Post # 13
My DH is just plain better with money, so I let him handle our finances for the most part. That said, I understand and know exactly what is going on with all our money.
Post # 14
My dad was the sole breadwinner for most of my life, but my mom was the financial planner & manager. I think they made all the decisions together, but that she was the more organized one with the responsibility.
We still have separate accounts, but we make our decisions together. We will probably combine finances after the wedding & I think I will become the money manager who makes sure bills get paid on time and stuff like that.
Post # 15
My husband manages the money.
Post # 16
@Treejewel19: Manages is probably a better word. I put quotations around “controls” because I didn’t want to make it a loaded question or anything.