(Closed) Who do you send out thank you cards too?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

Well, your photographer and your printer want you to send them to everyone you possibly might send them to, so that they can sell more of those cute photo-cards; and the wedding-industry press is in the business of selling advertising to photographers and stationery-printers, so you’ll read that message in most of the wedding magazines and websites. But they’re flouting traditional etiquette in the process.

Traditional etiquette requires that you send thank-you notes (preferably on your personal stationery which is plain heavy paper, with only your initials and address engraved) immediately upon receiving a gift. The people who came and ate at your table are supposed to send *you* a thank-you note, thanking you for your hospitality.

But of course, THEY won’t have sprung for the fancy photo-cards, so there’s no profit in teaching guests to send bread-and-butter notes! Hence the present trend to send thank-you cards to your guests, instead of the other way around.

Post # 4
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I had two guests come and not give a gift. I did not send them a thankyou note (I figured the favour and the personal “thanks” on the day was enough). Everyone else got one, including vendors to thank them for their work. I know they get paid but for example I wanted the florist to know how much I loved the bouquets, etc.

Post # 5
Member
8 posts
Newbee

I totally agree with aspasia475 .

I think you should send thanks cards to erveryone who came. No matter they send gift or not. After all they spare their  time to congratuate you.

Post # 6
Member
3614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I only sent them to people who got us gifts (no matter how big or small). While it is true that noone’s required to get you a gift, I believe it is poor manners to go to someone’s house/birthday party/wedding empty handed. Yes, it was wonderful of them to come, but we also showed them hospitality, fed them well and gave them a great party. I’m not going to go out of my way to write them a thank you card on top of it.

Post # 7
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Thank you cards are sent to everyone who attended. Also they go out to anyone who may not have attended but sent you a gift in the mail.

Post # 8
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with meliss all the way. Attending a wedding for a guest is more fun than hassle. If you are poviding them food, drinks and entertainment, you are doing your part enough without an extra thank you. Thank is what the favors are for. And as you make your rounds Im sure you will be thanking everyone for attending. I would send thank-you cards to those who gave gifts, big or small. As well as anyone who helped you plan, put together or donate anything for your big day.

Post # 9
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I plan to send one to all the english speaking guests that came. It was a trek for everyone so it deserves a thanks even if there’s no gift. In my family we have a tradition of giving out prints of pictures of the bride and groom with that person/family. So I’ll likely be doing that as well. But since I will have all the digital images I’ll just be printing them off of Snapfish. =)

I’m also sending them to vendors that we thought went above and beyond their call of duty. Including sales rep at hotel block, photographer, maitre’d, bridal assistant, bridal salon and venue event coordinator.

Post # 10
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I firmly believe that everyone who attends your wedding should receive a thank you note regardless of giving a gift. Maybe its rude to not bring a gift. But its also rude not to thank the person for “sharing in your day”. Take the higher road. And if cost is an issue, buy extra thank you cards at the dollar store.

Post # 11
Member
3614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Sorry, but maybe some of you who disagree with me will feel differently after your wedding. About 1/4 of our 60 guests didn’t get us a gift (mostly DH’s 20-something friends). I had $5 items in the registry, they just didn’t bother. They didn’t even get a card. I’m not even going to touch the cover your plate debate, I didn’t expect anyone to, but let’s just say everyone dined a fancy 3-course meal plus cocktail hour with appetizers. Everyone drank a good deal because we had an open bar.  Also I saw some of these “no gift” people pouring around bottles of champagne like it was water, all on our tab. Despite this, we made sure everyone had a good time and did our rounds and said our “thank you for coming” to everyone. Everyone also got a favor as an additional thank you. 

So yeah, I’m going to hold my ground on this one. They are not getting a written thank you card. Since they apparantly don’t give a crap about wedding etiquette, I highly doubt they would miss it.

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