Post # 1
I have a cousin who is recently divorced and by all accounts not seeing anyone new, but trying to patch things up with his wife (I’ve never met her as it was a very short-term relationship and marriage). I invited him solo (as I didn’t feel obligated to invite an ex I’d never met and she was not present at either family function we all attended in the last 2 months). He waited until AFTER the RSVP deadline to call and ask if he could have a +1 for his ex-wife. I told him I’d check our numbers and let him know. FI & I are over headcount & over budget, but we decided to go ahead and extend the +1 to him in hopes that we might in some small way help mend their relationship.
So last night, he called me to thank me & chat for a moment. I asked him to verify the correct spelling of his ex-wife’s name for the place card and he informed me that she wouldn’t be coming. I expressed sympathy and thanked him for letting us know so we can adjust our headcount and he says, “Oh, but I have another date lined up to come with me.” Huh?
We had just finished bible study when he called and were still at church so I couldn’t ask what he was smoking; so I said, “okay” and inquired as to the lucky lady’s name. He said, “Valeria.” I then asked, “And her last name?” And of course his reply was…..
“I’m not sure…I actually don’t know. I’ll ask her and text it to you tomorrow.”
Really? REALLY?? REALLY??? It’s not like he doesn’t know people there—Hello, it’s his family too! I am just too annoyed for words that this random stranger will be brought to our wedding. But I guess it would be rude to recind his +1 now, huh?
Post # 3
Just put his name and ‘Guest’ on her placecard. It’s too late now to tell him not to bring a plus one (IMO).
Just don’t be suprised when he doesn’t bring anyone or with someone other than Valeria.
Post # 4
Lol! I’m sorry to laugh, but omg that sucks in a really funny way. I guess you’re kind of stuck, it’s not really worth rescinding his plus one. If it were anything but a wedding, I’d tell him exactly what I thought, if it were me. Good luck!
Post # 5
Oh boy, I would be SOOO tempted to rescind on his plus 1, especially since you went over headcount and budget to try and accomodate him! Geez! A wedding is not the best place to bring any date whom you don’t even know their last name. Man, I don’t know what I would do…. It might be too complicated and could backfire, but maybe I would try to have another male cousin/relative casually ask him the skinny on this girl and try to talk him out of bringing her. Good luck, for sure!
Post # 6
Ah, that sucks! I don’t know, you would be perfectly within your rights to tell him that the +1 was for his ex, and that you don’t have the budget to include people you don’t know (although at this point the venue will probably still charge you regardless). But I wouldn’t bother–it’ll just make him mad at a time when it sounds like he could use a little emotional boost anyway.
Here’s hoping Valeria is fun, at least! 🙂
Post # 7
LOL @ mcnetn3 and stillme! He very well might end up flying solo as mcnetn3 said or, “Valeria” might be a good deal of fun as stillme suggested!!
It is just terribly frustrating that we have worked hard and made sacrifices and tough decisions to make our wedding truly intimate. Aside from “Valeria,” there will not be one single person that either FI or I has not met.
Post # 8
I’m sorry, this is just awful!! I guess you can’t really take away the +1 (even though it’s SO tempting…), hopefully he will show up with his ex-wife.
Let us know how this all turns out…
Post # 9
Ugg! I would have said “Sorry, we gave you a +1 for your ex, not for some girl you just met!”
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2011 - Hunter's Ridge, Princeton, IL
Oh GAH, you poor thing. I wish there was a way you could take it back…it’s not like he won’t know anybody else there!
Post # 11
I don’t see it being too late to tell him that he can’t bring a guest. Especially given the circumstances you shared. I’m wondering if he felt like he needed to fill a seat so you weren’t out of money rather than bringing a date because he’d be lonely though. I suppose he most likely isn’t thinking that way, but perhaps…
Post # 12
Actually hope that he brings someone else to the wedding and then say “OHHH you must be Valeria, we are hoping to hear all about you” 😉 And you can even dump on the cattiness and say something along the lines of “I am so sorry that your placecard has the ex’s name on it, it was too late to change it at the printers”
Post # 13
@unixfairy:that is awesome…
Post # 14
@unixfairy: Haha, that would be funny. But that would really suck for the date. I mean, can you imagine some guy asking you to go to a family’s wedding and then not knowing anyone and everyone being snarky?
I think either rescind the +1 or just put Guest since you’re not sure who exactly he’s bringing.
Post # 15
@tootietoo2: The +1 is for him, not for you. It doesn’t matter if she’s a “random stranger” to you – he knows her and wants her company to entertain himself during the event.
Post # 16
@CoffeeHound: But we gave him the +1 under the impression it was for his estranged wife in an effort to reconcile, not to inviite some random person.
We have other single guests who were not afforded a +1 because they didn’t meet our criteria: married, engaged or living together. So now are we obligated to offer them all +1s because this one was “snuck” in under the radar? I feel that there isn’t a polite way to handle this because if I rescind his +1, he’ll possibly be upset and if others find out in conversation that they barely know one another, then thos peole will be offended that their random +1 or SO of 1 month was not invited.