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when ever im in a circle of girl friends from work and one asks me about my wedding plans or wants to look at my e-ring there is alwaysssss that one girl who isn't married, who isn't even engaged, but who has been with their boyfriend for a while and lives together .. and says 'oh well we live together, we're practically married' .... um honey, sorry to break it to you but your NOT!! don't try to take the speciallness of my day away just coz ur bitter ur guy hasn't gone to the next step with u!! ... ur not 'practically married' - he hasn't fully committed, he can leave u at any time just as u can leave him, there's nothing tying u 2 together ... yes marriage might seem to u as 'just a piece of paper' ... but of course you'd think that coz its 1 piece of paper u havent got!! lol
ohh and by the way ... this girl has since gotten engaged ... so guess whose all excited and talking bout marriage now!! i thort u guys were practically married!! ppft lol
p.s my fi and i dont live together yet - mostly coz of my traditonal parents not allowing it, but also coz we both wanted to make that something excting and special for once we're mr and mrs :) we have bought a house together and we're renovating it before we move in
Wow. Umm, okay.
You do realize that she probably was just saying that to distract from the fact that she probably has a screen name and posted in the "Waiting" section everyday obsessing about getting engaged.
It's not right, but sometimes people are negative to hide their hurt.
lollll sooooo true!!! she has waited for 7yrs ... so yeah i guess you are right ... but still ... it annoys me lol
I can see how that would be annoying.. when your friends are asking you about one of the most important days of your life and you're all happy, on cloud 9 talking about it... that's not exactly what you want to hear. It seems odd for someone to say something like that in that particular situation. No one is talking about you or your relationship.. why are you bringing it up & comparing it? Strange.
exactly!! just bugs me hehe ... altho it might sound like im having a good ol rant there!!!
Calm down.
She probably just wants to be part of the conversation, also you are completely incorrect to say they are not practically married, infact, in the eyes of the law they are.
I am so glad the girls I work with are all lovely.
Life is not a competition, perhaps take a step back and tone down the negativity.
maybe in the eyes of the law they have the same rights as those who r married ... but in the eyes of the church and tradition they are not ... everyones entitled to their opinion thats not my problem ... u have seemed to miss that - although, i dont appreciate someone trying to belittle my marriage
To be honest I've said that comment before; usually if someone asks or we are joking around about it (or if someone presumes we are married). I haven't said it in response to finding out someone is engaged or married.
I wasn't hurt that FI waited years to propose. I wasn't jealous of anyone that was engaged or married before me. Most people automatically presumed we were married before we were even engaged. Strangers make comments all the time about us being husband/wife; we just inform them we aren't.
We know we aren't married and that's fine with us. It'll happen when it happens. In the mean time we celebrate those that are engaged/married/committed to each other in whatever special way they choose.
You are not making any sense. Whats not your problem? What are you on about?
She is not trying to belittle your marriage, she said nothing about you or your marriage. You are not the only person on earth who has a relationship, and having a ring on your finger doent give you the right to go around belittling other peoples relationships.
She has been with this guy for 7 years, so yes, they are "Practically married".
like i said earlier, it just bugs me when its said to me in a blatent attempt to belittle my day! i dont have a problem if ppl just said it randomly but to me whilest talking bout my wedding day in 5 weeks time ... it feels like shes basically saying 'well u guys r just silly for getting married and going thru all this coz if u just lived together ud be practically married anyway' ...
@littleG: what if they don't go to church? then wouldn't they then not care about "the eyes of the church"?? why does religion get drawn into everything?
^JUST asking, not being snarky!
umm i think im making plently of sense ... the comment she made was said to make herself feel better by justifying her relationship status .... how is that not making sense?
nor am i belittling her relationship - its the other way around if u read it properly ... and no - 7yrs together means nothing, i was with a guy for 6yrs earlier in my life and nope i never went around telling brides-to-be that i was practially married - i was happy for them and didnt try to steal their thunder .... geez!!
@littleG: Myabe just take a step back and take a breath. I don't think she was trying to belittle you or your marriage. Just because she and her guy are on a different page doesn't mean she was making a comparison, just stating what seems right for their relationship. Not yours.
So congrats on your upcoming wedding. Plan and talk and be happy! Don't let things get to you. This is supposed to be a good time!
im sure they would have some religion ... i dont go to church but i can still see the tradition of marriage as a sacrament ... like i said - its my opinion ... everyones entitled to one right!?
plus - they are not married - so how can they be 'practically married'?? if ur married ur married.
@littleG: "nor am i belittling her relationship...... and no - 7yrs together means nothing".....
I've been with my FI for almost 8 years. I think it means something. Please be careful what you say/write...it can be belittling.
perhaps you're right ... but its the way it was said and how it came across ... i guess it was a 'had to be there' moment
im sorry ... i didnt mean to offend anyone ... all im saying is that all relationships are different - my experience of a failed 6yr relationship was no where near marriage .. whereas hers and urs may well be - all im saying is that marriage is marriage ... its like saying an orange is practically like an apple ... its not
Um if you think it's really that hard to leave someone after marriage you're seriously mistaken. That tie can be easily broken. Yes, lots of couples are practically married before they actually sign a document. FI and I def are as well. I don't see why you would be insulted by this.
its harder in the sense of u have to file for divorce, then have that stigma etc etc whereas if u were never married then if u leave u leave and thats it - unless of course u have a house together etc etc
im not insulted by the statement im insulted that shed say this to me whilest im being asked bout my upcoming wedding - the impression and tone that came out was as tho she was telling me that we're all being silly to be getting married etc coz u can be practially married if all we did was live together.
@littleG: haha yes, everyone's entitled to their own opinion. Like I said, I was just asking because of your comment. I don't know if she was belitting your relationship or marriage or not. Maybe she was, maybe she was jealous? Or maybe she wasn't. It's one of those things that you can't let yourself stress over, or you're going to start over analyzing everything this chick ever says. So just let it roll off your back, and be happy that you're marrying the love of your life in a few weeks. Don't let people get to you :)
Okay, for starters, I am going to be the harsh one to say that people will take you a lot more seriously here if you use proper grammar and drop the text speak. That way of typing makes me read posts as if a young teen wrote it rather than someone who is actually a couple of years older than me.
But seriously, what the heck is your problem with this girl? Her not being married does not automatically make her bitter, and the fact that she said they're practically married does not mean she is trying to take away the 'specialness' of your day. Seven years is certainly not nothing, nor is living together. And she doesn't have to justify her relationship status to you. Your post is extremely judgemental - they may not have that piece of paper, but if they live together and have been together for seven years, she is right that they might as well be.
I can't see how anyone could take her comment and turn it into something horrible as you seem to have done. If she did say it to make herself feel better, what is wrong with that?? It has nothing to do with you. You are so putting words in her mouth - saying she is practically married is not belittling you, it is saying she feels like they're married, and if they live together then she probably does! And the end of your post makes it sound like you are the one belittling people, but for living together.
yeahh i know - just got to me this time coz its like the 10th person whose said that to me or my friends who are getting married - it feels as tho noone thinks they should be entering marriage these days!!
thanks for ur kind wishes xx
Well, I am one of three girls out of 200 somethingish on the floor (IT Business, YEAY), and well, I have two other girls in another department that are getting married next year too, and well we talk about the wedding alot and we are on the same page.
It was a weird thing to bring up in the midst of your wedding bliss, have you mentioned it to her?
@FutureMrsMoore: Spot on both times!
firstly, im not interested in ur opinion about the way i type - if you dont like it then dont read it. my issue is wat i wrte about, if i was concerned about ppl not taking me seriously coz of a few words typed then i would have posted a post bout that sumwhere else ... lighten up a bit please..
secondly - when people say things to other people they should be mindful and respectful as to how they sound and come across - its polite manners - her comment came across as rude so i posted bout it ... ive seen other posts bout similar things so i dont think that im the only one who thinks this ...
theyve been together for 7 years then congrats to them!! it IS an achievement and i do not doubt that one bit - however my opinion was on how i didnt appreciate the comment she made!! whats the big deal here? i didnt like it, i vented, enough ... do i really need to be attacked my people who may be in the same situation as her??
honey im a teacher too ... since when are posts being assessed for typos, short hand and grammar?
its not exactly something i can ask her ... what woudl i way? 'hey ___, did u mean to offend me when u said that comment the other day?' ... i doubt she'd admit even if she was offending me lol
thanks for ur support tho - not many people on here see this POV lol
Sensoring myself for snarkiness, apologies
Correct. She'd think you were crazy because she WASNT being offensive. Thats why you cant ask.
no probs! but i get like u too ... bad spelling and grammar drives me nuts!!
ok now lets all calm down a little ...... i feel that she was being offensive and a lot of u think thats she wasn't ... thats fine!! like ive said, everyones entitled to their opinon ...
didnt think itd get so heated in here tho!!
i didnt realise i had to specify and tell ppl what to write ... thought that manners were the norm here, clearly not.
anyways i think that yes, the response to this thread is ridiculous!!
WOW I just wanted to say that this seems to one of the most "debated" threads I have seen in a long time. I'm sure that the girl just wanted to validate her relationship but I do agree that she did it at the wrong time. Just try to relax and let it go and remember that you are the lucky one who is getting married.
I'm not sure that she asked for any advice. It was just a vent.
Jeez, ya'll! Loosen up. The girl felt like someone was making light of her engagement and it bothered her. I've seen much less spark a wildfire of comments in support of a vent post. While I think it's something I would brush off, it bothered her plain and simple.
LittleG, I do agree that you shouldn't belittle their 7 year relationship. It takes much more than marriage to make a strong couple. But I do believe that your distaste for that stems from how and when she made those comments.
it is a heated one isnt it!!! didnt think id hit on so many nerves lol
thankyou for seeing my point :) and thank you for being nice about it hehe x
thankyou!!!! xx i didnt mean to belittle their 7yr relationship, in fact i said that it was an achievement for them and thats wonderful for them and anyone else in her situation ... but ur exactly right ... it was a vent, i felt like she was being rude to me in her sweet little way and i just wanted to get it out!! :))
thanks hun xx
What I meant more with the question was, maybe ask her if she feels abit left out with the wedding talking, but I think you wrote in an earlier post she also is engaged and is all talking about the wedding so well.. I do understand what you mean, happened to me a few times, and it feels a bit weird. Kinda awkward silence there. :)
In defense of the OP- I don't think she was trying to "belittle" anyone or this girl, she is simply frustrated with this particular girl who seems to either be jealous or want to be the centre of attention.
In all honesty, probably most people know at least one person who is like this. And it doesn't have to be about weddings, it can be about anything (jobs, kids, house, etc), but the person will not be happy for anyone else - I like to refer to them as the "killjoy" of the group/conversation.
Good Luck with your planning!
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