(Closed) Who gets a +1?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@foreverthine:  Great question! My fella and I decided someone got a +1 if they met the following criteria:

– they have been seeing their significant other for 6+ months before the date of the wedding

AND

– we have met the significant other

OR

– they are an out of town guest who would make our wedding weekend a long weekend with family visits (we are in NY & have a friend in CA who would be visiting family the week before the wedding)

Post # 5
Member
5208 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@foreverthine:  do you know who currently has a +1 and who doesn’t? Think of who would be bringing a completely random date, someone they have no relationship with, that they would only bring to your wedding for the heck of it because you allowed them to. Maybe you could just invite them solo. I don’t believe in the whole nitpicky mentality of living together, dating for x period of time, etc… when it comes to +1s. What we did is send solo invites to the people we know are just plain single. Those who are divorced, widowed, not dating, whatever. We didn’t feel it was necessary to save an extra spot on the guest list for dates that didn’t exist. 

Post # 6
Member
7277 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@foreverthine:  Beware! There are VERY stong opinions about +1s around here!

Technically, I think the “rule” is everyone with a spouse, fiance, long term SO and/or live in SO get’s a +1. Your wedding party get +1s regardless. Some will say EVERYONE over 18 gets a +1. 

Ultimately, it’s up to you. Also, the extra 7 people is only putting you at 10% above your max. Unless you’re sure everyone is coming, that seems like a reasonable amount to invite. There must be 7 other people who can’t make it. 

Post # 7
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MrsBudz2Bee:  +1 to your +1 policy 🙂

Single family gets a date because they’re family. People we know as couples get invited together, and people we know to be in serious relationships will have the option of bringing their significant other. If we don’t know the SO at the time of guest list finalization, or they don’t have one at that point, no +1 for them. I don’t want people getting casual dates specifically for my wedding, or my parents’ friends’ kids’ dates there. If I don’t know the friends, I won’t know the kids, and I certainly won’t know their dates! haha

Post # 8
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee

@foreverthine:  Most properly, nobody gets a “plus one”. You, as hostess, are responsible for inviting each and every person, yourself, by name, with an invitation sent to their own home. You are expected to have a close acquaintanceship with every guest, with the sole exception of your fiance’s connexions with whom he is expected to have close acquaintanceship; where “close” means close enough that you will have met each guest’s spouse or fiance or current main squeeze and be able to invite those people in their own right. When you invite someone who is married or engaged (or living together, since we politely assume that they must be married in that case), you must of course invite their partner. With other guests who are “going steady” or “dating” or “in love” or whatever, etiquette allows you to choose to invite one or both; recognizing that whatever etiquette says they themselves may feel entitled to two invitations. With single guests you may if you wish ask them “is there anyone to whom you would like me to send an invitation?” so that you can include an escort for them if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. If you do choose to do so, you do take on an obligation to try to meet the proposed guest before you invite him.

A modern trend is to ensure that all the wedding party are equipped with a partner of some sort regardless of their partnership-status. This is rather non-traditional: traditionally attendants were supposed to be single, which fits in well with the fact that they have roles in the ceremony and (often) at the party afterward that prevent their paying attention to an escort, and it can make for a rather awkward evening for their escort as a result. But nowadays it is thought odd even to notice whether your attendants are married or not, so there is often a little crowd of attendants’ spouses hanging around during the photo hour feeling like fifth wheels, and another fifth wheel or two only gives them more company to mitigate the awkwardness. Sometimes siblings are also guaranteed an escort even if they are single. This is a trend, and you may wish to consider following it for people who are already doing you a great favour or for whom you have a very high regard, but it is not an etiquette-mandated necessity.

 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
12569 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Anyone over the age of 18 should be given a +1.  

Inviting an adult who is married without this spouse is rude. 

Post # 10
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yes, inviting someone without spouse is rude.  No, not everyone over 18 SHOULD get a plus one.  They may or may not.  Another big thing to keep in mind is once you give plus ones, you lose control of who is coming to wedding.  Someone may bring your MOH’s ex.  etc. 

Post # 11
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We ended up going for a bigger room at our venue and are allowing pretty much everyone to bring a plus one. If we had picked the smaller room we would have limited it to those who are married/engaged/common-law.

Post # 12
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

Since our wedding is mostly family, our rule is this: if they have a long term boyfriend or girlfriend, are living together, engaged or married, they get a +1. Friends that may not know as many people get +1s automatically. I guarantee you we’re going to have second cousins complaining that they can’t bring a date even though they’re not currently seeing anyone. 

Post # 13
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

@juanita.kelly.9:  Agreed! You’re not supposed to use someone’s wedding as a first date! Longterm (3+ months, I guess) only. 

Post # 14
Member
5481 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Here’s what we did:

Everyone who considered themselves to be in a relationship at the time we sent invitations was invited with their SO named on the invitation. (We did not feel like it was our job to judge the status of someone else’s relationship, so we didn’t put stipulations such as length of time together or whether or not we’d met them)

Everyone in the wedding party got a +1, even if they were truly single. 

Anyone who had to travel from out of town.

I think by the end of it all we did end up extending a +1 to every truly single over 18 guest.  If they were in a relationship we invited the other person by name.

Post # 15
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@foreverthine:  We are giving them the option. Only one of my bridesmaids is not currently seeing anyone and I wouldn’t want HER to feel awkward at the table so I asked her if she’d like a plus one…she laughed and said “Oh god no! I don’t want to worry about looking after some random guy!” I would ask those in your bridal party what they’d prefer. We also did this with our groomsmen who had the same reaction.

 

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