Who gets a plus one?!?!?!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@linnylou_88:  RW obviously gets one. RM and OG I wouldn’t offer +1s to unless you’re able to accomodate the possibility of extra guests. TM definitely would get one as well.

Post # 5
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@linnylou_88:  We were trying to be mindful of the numbers of people that we invited. What we did was if our friend had been with someone long enough for us to know their name, we invited them. That worked out pretty well, I think. Two of my bridesmaids are single, but I gave them a plus one just for being in the wedding and being so helpful. We were originally going to give all of our single friends a plus one, but that was starting to get a bit out of control. I think our new system may upset a FEW people, but for the most part it should be fine. 

Post # 6
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@linnylou_88:  I’ve always heard plus ones are required for “social units”- married couples, engaged couples, and couples who live together. You can give a plus one to single friends, but it is generous and not necessary. Since they all know each other, I think it is fine not to give a plus one to the single guests.

So RW and TM should for sure get a plus one. Since space is limited, I wouldn’t do a plus one for RM and OG.

Post # 7
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Long term relationships yes, no relationship, no.

ETA: The long term relationships aren’t really “plus one”, address them each on the invitation. For everyone else no. 

I think that “And guest” USED to be standard, but really it’s not anymore unless you are coming from far away and know no one.

Post # 8
10902 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Etiquette only requires you to invite the significant others of those who are married, engaged, or living together (the latter only because etiquette presumes that couples who live together are secretly married, even though most people know that they are not.)

Etiquette also says that no one should receive a “plus one.” Rather, couples who are married or living together should receive invitations addressed to both of them at their address.  Engaged couples who reside separately should receive invitations addressed to their individual addresses.

For anyone else to whom you would like to extend the privilege of bringing a guest, you should contact the guest and ask him or her the name and address of the person he or she would like to invite and then send a separate invitation to that individual.

Post # 9
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@linnylou_88:  I think your instincts are accurate here – RW & TM get plus ones.  I would check in with RM and OG to see if they have serious significant others.  I would also consider how difficult it would be to travel – if only OG is coming alone, would it be a financial strain to not have anyone to split a room with?

Post # 10
6685 posts
Bee Keeper

@HeartsandSparkles:  +1  

You are obligated to invite the partners of anyone who is married, engaged or living together.  The others are optional, with the caveat that you’d want to be consistent in order to avoid hurt feelings.  

Post # 11
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@linnylou_88:  I’m glad you posted this so I can read peoples answers. My fiance has 2 guy friends that want to bring dates, but aren’t even dating anyone right now and our wedding is in 2 1/2 months. He thinks it’s mean if we don’t give them +1’s, but I don’t think we need to. 

Post # 12
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

The only people who need to be invited together are married engaged or living together.


Post # 13
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Married, engaged or living together yes. I would also say anyone in a serious relationship. We’re giving all single guests plus ones, but mostly because we are having a destination wedding. I can’t imagine asking people to fly to another country and not letting them bring someone if they want! 

Post # 14
428 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s important to point out that the rule does not depend, ever, on whether you have met the partner – if they are a social unit, you must invite them together whether or not you know the other half’s name. (In which case, of course, you’ll have to discover it…) :p

Post # 15
906 posts
Busy bee

Plus ones I believe for non family members should be for married, engaged, live in bfs/gfs and if you are friends with your friends so. bridal party members should get a plus one regardless of who the guest is. Family members I would be less picky with only because their so could be my family too and it’s about joining of two families so for family I would issue a plus one as long as they are in a serious relationship. 

Post # 16
48 posts
  • Wedding: August 2013

We did +1s for family, members of the bridal party, people who we knew had a serious significant other, and people who we knew were traveling far to come to the wedding (I think it’s kind of unfair to ask someone to travel far away and be alone the entire time). It seemed to work well and no one was upset at the end of the day. 


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