Who gets invited to a bridal shower?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who gets invited to the bridal shower?
    Only people who are invited to the wedding. : (41 votes)
    87 %
    Local friends and family, whether they are invited to the wedding or not. : (3 votes)
    6 %
    Obligatory other (please explain below). : (3 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3948 posts
    Honey bee

    The bride should give you a list of who she would like invited. But yes, only people that are invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.

    Small showers are ok. I only had 12 people at mine because so many friends/family live out of town.

    Post # 4
    Member
    140 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Only wedding guests should be invited to shower the bride with presents/ love before the wedding.

    The only modern caveat to this; is the “work shower”, in which a coworker or group of coworkers, decides to throw a small affair in the bride’s honor, even if they are not invited to the wedding.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3735 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @SadieBee:  Having participated in many showers, only those invited to the wedding are invited to the shower. We send the invites far and wide to ensure guests from out of state and older relatives have a chance to participate or send a gift since that’s what many people like to do.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    1649 posts
    Bumble bee

    A shower is the only kind of party where gifts are obligatory. Therefore, etiquette handles them with kid gloves. You will be told that only people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. This is a broad-brush statement that covers most situations, but is neither narrow enough nor inclusive enough. The full rule is:

    Only those people, whom you know well enough to be fully confident that they WANT to participate in showering the bride with gifts, and from whom you know the bride would willingly accept gifts, should be invited to a shower.

    Normally, those people would indeed be invited to the wedding. But wedding guests may include other people as well, who have grudging hearts toward the bride and do not want this extra obligation. And, there may be other people, like the bride’s grade two Sunday School teacher, or her mother’s oldest friend who watched her grow up but is now in a nursing home and doesn’t go to dinner-dances, who are not invited to the wedding but do want to take part in the shower. It shouldn’t be hard to understand that etiquette encourages you to include the latter sort among your shower invitees, and not include the former sort.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1887 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @aspasia475:  That is the best answer to this question that I have ever read.  Well stated!

    Post # 9
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Yeah, only people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. I don’t think it would be appropriate to invite ppl to the shower who aren’t invited to the wedding…just because it’s obligatory to give gifts.  I think her mother should have a party after the wedding to celebrate with friends who aren’t invited.

    For mine, I gave my MOH a list.  It included all of the local female and gay male guests invited to the wedding (exept for wives of FI’s friends who I don’t know) plus immediate family and bridal party members who were from out of town.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    42522 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @aspasia475:  is correct as usual. There are no hard and fast rules. You will read here that only those invited to the wedding should be invited, but that is not correct in all cases.

    Nor is a work shower the only exception as @HisQueen2Be:   has stated. There are many other possibilties of groups that may want to shower the bride, knowing full well that they are not invited to the wedding- book clubs, wine clubs, community service groups, church groups , old neighbours etc etc etc

    Where will you be holding the shower? It would not likely be appropriate to invite people not invited to the wedding, if they would have to travel to the shower.

    You might need to contact the bride’s mother for suggestions as to who might want to be included if the shower is being held in her hometown. She may also have knowledge that some of those people will be planning their own shower.

    Post # 11
    Member
    307 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My MIL was insistent on throwing me a shower with her work and church friends, none of whom I had ever met or were invited to the wedding.  I was terribly uncomfortable with the whole thing but I had to let her do that.  My DH was the 1st of her children (and likely only of her children) to marry and she kept saying “do you know how many shower’s of these people’s children I have attended and supported!”

    I think sometimes rules are bent but generally speaking only those invited to the weddding attend. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    140 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @julies1949:  Great point! I was tryign to give advice specific to the OP’s posting. as the MOH, she would not want to invite those people to the general bridal shower that she is throwing. Those kinds of showers from people who know they are not invited to the wedding should be initiated by THEM, imho.

    Err on the side of caution, with these things, I say. Don’t want to seem gift- grabby. (I hate that word, but beyond a coworker, I would personally feel odd if invited to a shower when I wasn’t invited to the wedding.)

    Post # 14
    Member
    2319 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I voted that only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.

    Post # 15
    Member
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @SadieBee:  Even if they live far away, send them an invite anyway. You never know who might come, and it is the fact of the matter that the bride thought about them enough to invite them. I knew some of DH’s aunts a few states over couldn’t come, but they appreciated the invite anyway.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1373 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I voted only people invited to the wedding. Wih the exception of a few of the ideas stated above (ie gear grandma who can’t sit through a whole wedding/dance but may want to come)

    I just think about how I would feel if I got invited to a bride’s shower and I wasn’t invited to the wedding! Personally, I would be like huh what?!? Seems weird to me, but I can see wanting to in a small wedding situation. I would still stick to wedding guests and if the bride and groom want, have a friends style party/reception in the week following or something like that.

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