- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I’m sticking this in etiquette because I feel it fits better here than the parties board. One of my bridesmaids has been asking me for a list of people to invite to my bridal shower. I’m not really sure how to handle this. I am of course aware that you don’t invite anyone to the shower who isn’t invited to the wedding. But I guess I don’t really know where to draw the line. Here are some examples.
* Aunts. So I have a very large family. My mother says we need to send an invite to all of my aunts, even if they live far away. There is a total of 11 aunts, however I am excluding 2. One because she is estranged, and one because I haven’t seen her in 15 years. Is it still fine to send invitations to the 9 aunts, even if some live far away?
* Cousins. This gets pretty trick as well. 14 female cousins all together (excluding the daughter from the estranged aunt mentioned above). I am close (meaning see them not just at holidays) to only 4 of them. However, some of those cousins have sisters, so I don’t feel it’s right to split them up and only invite one or two sisters. Then, there are female cousins who would know some families are invited, and their mothers (my aunts) are invited. My mother says I should invite all of the cousins because that’s how our family works. In our family, it tends to rub people to wrong way if certain family members are excluded. So should I invite all 14 cousins? Just the 4 I’m closest to? Or the 4 I’m closest to plus the sisters? Is there another option I’m not seeing? I should also mention some of these cousins live several states away, however their mothers/my aunts will most likely be invited, and each family lives in a similiar area.
* FIs extended family. I’m personally not really close with any of FIs aunts, but it is polite to send them in invite anyway?
* Friends. This is where the list is REALLY killing me. Obviously, I plan to invite my close girlfriends. But there are two other categories of women besides my close girlfriends. First category are those who I’m not super close with, but I was invited to their wedding and bridal shower. Should I then extend the invitation to the shower to them? These women are the wives of our mututal friends, but they are our friends as well, though more so just because of marriage. The second group of women are just simply the wives of our mutual friends. And that’s kind of the tricky part. Because the friends on our guestlist are nearly 100% our mutual friends, both my FI and I are very familiar with all the wives, we do hang out with some/most because they “tag along” with their husbands, who are our friends, which makes the wives friends, too. I know that’s kind of obnoxiously confusing, but I want to get the point across that they’re not women we don’t ever see, both FI and I know them and sometimes end up out somewhere with them. I don’t want to offend these women by not inviting them.
So what do I do? Where’s the cutoff? At this rate, it looks like nearly every woman invited to the wedding will end up invited to the shower (excluding the aunts/family I mentioned about, and the wives of FIs coworkers who I have never met in my life). Scarily enough, that totals 50 people. That seems like an INSANE amount of people for a shower. But I really don’t know where to stop with the list, and I’m afraid of offending people. Help!!
ETA – Oh yeah! And FIs nieces. I am close with his nieces (4 girls, ages from almost 2 to 13). I think we’ve settled on they won’t be invited to the wedding (per their parents wishes. They want a night out on their own!), but should I invited them to the shower so they can partake in some “wedding activity”?