(Closed) Who gives this bride away?

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
46153 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tell him you are an independent woman and no one will be giving you away.

Post # 4
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

Then don’t.  You don’t have to have him walk you down the aisle.  I’m glad I’m likely going to be having a Jewish wedding, because that way both of my parents walk me down.  I would feel quite awkward with just my father walking me down, due to a fairly strained relation.

Post # 5
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Texasbride_513:  You are not alone!

I have no relationship with my dad.  He and my mom divorced when I was very young, and, while I won’t go into great detail about all of the issues he and I have had, I will say that he’s always been a very emotionally/verbally abusive person.  I finally had the strength to cut him out of my life completely at the age of 19.

I’m 28 now.  I haven’t seen or spoken to him in years.  He doesn’t know I’m engaged … He doesn’t even know my fiance.  I honestly don’t think he even knows where I live now (he lives on the East Coast, where I grew up).  I’m definitely not planning to invite him to my wedding!

If you don’t feel comfortable having your dad walk you down the aisle, don’t do it.  It doesn’t sound as though it was always your dream to have your dad be a special part of your wedding. I don’t think you’ll regret not having him there if all he’s done recently is cause you grief.  You shouldn’t feel pressured to do this just because it’s the “traditional” thing to do.  You can walk down alone.  You could ask a sibling, uncle, friend, etc. to walk you down the aisle.  You can even ask your mom to do it if you have a good relationship with her … That’s actually what I’m planning to do, as my mom and I are incredibly close.  

I think you should do what feels right to you, though … Don’t let him make you feel guilty if you choose not to include him.  Your wedding should be a happy time for you and your fiance.  Again, if having your dad walk you down the aisle would make you happy, do it.  If not, don’t.

Post # 6
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

IMO giving away a bride is a privilege, NOT a right.

I don’t speak to my father (alcoholic, abusive, blah blah) he won’t be walking me down the aisle. He lost that privilege a LONG time ago. My brother and I are very close and he will be giving me away. If he wasn’t around I would be walking alone.

It’s YOUR wedding. Don’t let people guilt you into anything because you’ll be “causing hurt” .. you don’t want to make a decision that you’ll regret.

 

Post # 7
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@bbsoon2be:  “IMO giving away a bride is a privilege, NOT a right.”

I totally agree. In this day and age, giving away the bride is seen as a very old fashioned, unnecessary tradition anyway, and no one would look twice at you for saying you wanted to walk down the aisle on your own.

If your dad does kick up a stink about it and refuses to acknowledge the things he’s done and said that have hurt you, just ignore it (easier said than done, I know!) and let him make a fool of himself. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding and your aisle to walk down, so do it however you want

Post # 8
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Don’t make the decision now.  You don’t have to. Drop it and see how you feel closer to the day.

I was all over the map on this issue. I imagined the walk at least 3 different ways.  I made a final decision just a few weeks before.

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