Post # 1
I need help figuring out who is included in the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Just to lay it all out, in our wedding, we’ll have:
- bride and groom (i know– obvious, right?)
- 4 bridesmaids + 1 flower girl (my sisters)
- 3 groomsmen (his brother + 2 friends)
- 2 readers (my uncle and his aunt or my stepmother)
- my uncle (a different one) reading special intentions
- a singer (his 14 yr old cousin)
- 2 altar servers (his cousins)
- eucharistic minister (probably just 1, a parent of the altar servers)
- Gift bearers (either my aunt and her family OR the parents of our singer)
Who out of this group gets invited to the rehearsal? Who would you invite to the rehearsal dinner if not the same?
To (hopefully) make things easier, we tried to limit things to the parents or spouses of people already involved elsewhere, and OOT guests we know are going to be in town early to try to limit numbers. Our parents, my step-parents, grandparents (and their caregivers), and our step-grandparents are already non-negotiable attendees as well. Thanks for the help!
Post # 3
As everyone is family, I’d say everyone. We’re unfortunately going to be having a HUGE rehearsal dinner as also all of my family is coming in from out of town.
If everyone wasn’t family, I say the church given altar servers don’t need to go.
But anyone involved in your ceremony… who needs to be at the rehearsal at the church, should be invited to the dinner.
Post # 4
We’re also inviting OOT guests that are coming in on Friday night, the musicians if you know them, and I think some people also invite the priest as a courtesy.
I quickly realized a Catholic wedding rehearsal dinner, even with a small wedding party, becomes an ordeal.
Post # 5
Everyone participating in the wedding ceremony (including the priest or deacon) and their guests, immediate family and out of town guests.
Post # 6
Darn! I was hoping there might be more cutting I could do than adding. Including significant others for everyone we’re now at 60 and the venue isn’t cheap– but we weren’t including the priest. He’s included now. Oh well.
I’m still thinking over how to handle OOT guests. Since all of my guests are OOT, I’m definitely not including all OOT guests. I’ve tried to include OOT family in the ceremony where possible though as a concession to my parents. But, my mom and my dad have both asked that they be allowed to invite one of their sisters to the RD. I’m apprehensive about allowing people not involved in the ceremony though– with families as big as ours, it’s hard to shut the valve once it’s opened, especially on the fiance’s side. Do we draw the line, as painful as it is to say no to even just 2 additions, or bite the bullet and get ready for the possibility of a 150+ person RD guest list?
Thanks for the help!
Post # 7
Parents – Both sides
Wedding party & Their significant others
Ring Bearer & Flower Girl(s) – And their parents (unless they let you take just the kids)
Siblings & Significant others….
So really, it’s a family affair… with the bridal party & significant others… However, significant others of bridal party could be optional… but it might be wierd to invite one and not his/her spouse.
Post # 8
I was wondering about this as well….FH’s 2 sisters are not in the wedding but my brother and sister and his brother are….do I need to invite the sisters that are not in it?? (I feel like it would kinda be rubbing in their face like oh your not in it but the others are I don’t know)
Post # 9
We had the readers, eucharistic minister (because it was the grooms dad), the gift bearers, the petition reader (he was my uncle and his kids were the gift bearers), and 1 of the musicians (because it was the grooms sister). Then we had the BM & GM and their dates, the ushers and their dates, the grandparents, the parents, and our brothers and sisters and their kids. We did not invite the priests, the other musicians who were hired through the church (they weren’t at the rehearsal anyway), nor did we have any altar servers.
Post # 10
We invited all our immediate families (parents, step-parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents), anyone from out of town, and anyone who was in the wedding. People were invited in the same formation as they were invited to the wedding—so if they were invited with a guest to the wedding, they were invited to the rehearsal dinner with that guest. If you know the priest well, then you could invite him too, but it is not necessary. Our priest could not have come in any case because he had mass to give after our rehearsal.
@ms sweets—I would invite all your siblings whether they are in the wedding or not. Siblings are such close family it’s pretty much assumed they are invited to all wedding activities, such as the rehearsal dinner. I think you’re right that they would feel snubbed otherwise.
Post # 11
Oh man thank you for this post….I’m doing a Catholic wedding as well, and hadn’t even THOUGHT about inviting the readers, altar servers, singers, etc to the RD….we need to decide who will be in those roles and figure out who to include.
Just a thought on OOT guests…the majority of our guests will be travelling in for the wedding as well, and we have opted NOT to invite them to the rehearsal dinner, as it was completely cost-prohibitive for us (would have turned into basically having 2 wedding receptions, and we couldn’t afford that.) I also want our rehearsal dinner to be on the intimate side, which wouldn’t have happened with 150 out of towners. Instead, we are having a rehearsal dinner for those in the wedding party and our immediate families, then holding a “pre-wedding social” afterwards at one of the hotels that our guests are being accommodated at. We’re ordering hors’dourves and there will be a cash bar, and it will be WAY less expensive than having a rehearsal dinner serving 150+. Will be a bit of a long night before the wedding, but we felt this was a nice way to acknowledge everyone who is coming in from far away, and be able to spend some time with them before the craziness of the wedding day.
Post # 12
My FMIL has invited all of the out of town guests 🙁 so basically I’ll be having TWo weddings! grumble
Post # 13
Oh and here’s another question for you ladies……did you include your ushers in the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner?
Post # 14
I am because one of them is walking my mom down the aisle so I figure they could practice that (wow if I wasn’t planing a wedding that would sound silly!)
Post # 15
@farmersdaughter – That’s exactly how we’re handling it too. A more intimate (but even just immediate family gets up to 25!) rehearsal dinner, and then a bar & apps drop-in at the hotel afterwards for everyone. We might even make that a dessert party. We’re doing it this way since almost everyone is OOT.
Post # 16
I was told, the readers, the wedding party, bride and groom, parents, ushers.
I ended up letting SO of the wedding party come, too.