Who has more control in your relationship?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Who has the upper hand in your relationship?
    ME! : (69 votes)
    48 %
    HIM! : (18 votes)
    13 %
    We are equal :) : (56 votes)
    39 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1275 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    This is hard because I think it goes by category!!  I would say that overall, I have slightly more say, but only because I’m even more hard-headed than he is!  But he definitely does when it comes to finances because he’s a better saver and more realistic, and I can usually recognize that he’s right lol

    Post # 4
    Member
    6407 posts
    Bee Keeper

    We are mostly equal but honestly I have a final veto power if it’s very very important to take an action and we’re at an impasse (doesn’t happen too much, I believe in talking it out until we’re both happy). I would generally tend to say we’re equal-but-different, but if you wanted to put it in power distribution terms I guess I have like 51% or something. I never abuse it though, in fact if I did then I think he would feel betrayed and angry, and we’d have major issues to work through. I certainly see him as my equal.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    It depends, honestly I think we have close to equal say on most things but the major decisions (for example the city where we live) is up to him while the exact apartment/house/condo would be up to both of us, if that makes sense.  He’s working on his PhD and owns a few businesses so his career decisions come “first” for most major things.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    2162 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Ugh, I have more control/influence. I hate it. My New Year’s resolution is to give up some of that control. I mean, it’s not just with FI, I seem to dominate everything. FI is so easygoing that it’s not an issue for him but it is an issue for me! I would love to live a life where I was okay with surprises and going with the flow.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3097 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

    Meeee 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    2132 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    It’s hard to say. Our intention has always been to be equal partners, but I just have a more submissive personality naturally so he tends to take a bit more control by default. It depends on the area though, for a lot of things FI will defer to my preference if I decide to voice it, and there’s just certain responsabilities that each one of us is “in charge” of for practical reasons.

    Post # 9
    Member
    8905 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    I think he has more control (aka preferences) about the majority of minor day-to-day things – but I tend to bust out the “we have to do it this way because it’s important to me!” card more often. So I think it’s pretty even over all. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    274 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    We are equally in control but I know if I wanted it I’d have more control…the control freak in me is often tempted to “take over” but honestly, it’s less stressful having another person helping out equally!

    Post # 11
    Member
    774 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I feel like we have a pretty even split, actually. I tend to lose battles regarding his dog’s behavior (this dog taught me that I was actually capable of disliking an animal- I’m a vegetarian with a rescue dog on my own. I thought this was impossible) and the thermostat (he insists we keep it at 68. I’m frozen). But generally if I express a strong preference for something (and cite a good reason), he’ll usually go with it. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    184 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    We can both be pretty chill but we are also both pretty stubborn about things that are very important to us. Its weird because I used to think he had all the power but he told me I have been the only girl he has been with that has ever really challenged him or made him accountable for things. 

    I like to make him feel he has the control in day to day things, but when it comes down to it, I definitely have it too. So I guess both of us.

    Post # 13
    Member
    457 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I tried to come up with an answer, but every time I thought of something one person had the upper hand in, I thought of something else the other person had more control over. He might say I get my way more often, but I feel like he gets his way more often. So, depends on who you ask.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1981 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    It’s fairly even… but if it comes down to it- probably me. FI doesn’t ahve strong feelings about most things and will let me decide because if I am happy, then FI is happy.  But if I am not happy, then FI is miserable. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1009 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    @sunelake27:  I am a little more stubborn and also look at all aspects of the situation – not JUST the here and now like he tends to do. I always think ahead and whatnot to what might arise with sitautions and whatnot. I am a little more of a control-freak over sitations and I don’t know if that comes with my career (hospice nurse) and having to make a lot of decisions sometime, or what. We do make the decisions together, but I feel like I have a little more pull.

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    875 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @sunelake27: DH always has veto power, but I would say that in general I have more control over day to day life stuff because he does not like planning and I do. I typically plan out what we will do & when just so that everything will get done and I can relax. (Although there are days when we don’t do anything hahaha) He is extremely laid back and I have anxiety so this works well for us. I’m also extremely considerate (I literally plan in time for him to see his friends and family and watch his football team) so he can trust me to be fair when it comes to allocating the time we have.

    However, since he is in the military, he has more control when it comes to the big picture. I am moving to be with him and he has a very busy schedule which we always have to accomodate. His demanding job also makes me want to accomodate any requests he has because they are so few. So it’s a mixed bag? I rarely think of our relationship in these terms, but it’s interestingd!

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