Post # 1
A long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away), SO had said that if I sent him ring ideas unsolicited, I’d be “in trouble”.
A week and a half ago, I went out for happy hour with one of our neighbors (the female half of a couple who lives across the hall). We know that he is planning to propose, but I underestimated how much SHE knew! Apparently they had planned their entire wedding, and he has a card with all the info for a specific ring she likes! (So cool that they are that open about it).
When I told SO about this, and about the male half of the couple having the card with the details about the ring, SO said (maybe jokingly? but there is usually a root of truth to every joke), that he wouldn’t mind having that type of information so he gets it right, and that he is nervous since “the snowflake incident of 2011” (he gave me a snowflake necklace for my birthday… so totally not my style, but I decided to live with it for a couple of weeks before I came to the conclusion that I really didn’t like it, and I gently told him it wasn’t my style and we exchanged it for a different necklace which I LOVE).
So I took that fairly innocent statement to mean it would be okay for me to let him know what I like. I have been ready for this for over a year and I have a secret folder on my computer full of rings and dresses, etc. But I waited 3 or 4 days to put together my favorites (rather than sending him an overhwelming folder!) and insert them into a word document with some short statements about why I liked the ones I did. Since they are all vintage, it would be impossible to get the exact rings unless he commissioned a custom jeweler, so I thought it was only fair to say WHY I liked them so he could get something with those traits.
Anyway, I sent this to him via email as an attachment with a short message about how he said he might want some ideas, so here they were for “when [he] need
them”. I was being very careful to try not to pressure him, since there are factors beyond his control at play here. He checked his email on his phone the next morning before I left for work (yikes! wasn’t expecting to be around when he got it!) and he kind of laughed and said something about me being silly or whatever. Ouch. Not really the reaction I was looking for.
I just feel bad now for sending the email, but I hope that he really does use it when the time comes. I don’t even know if he has opened the attachment, but I’m guessing not.
Who has given their SO ring ideas/guidence? How did they react?
Post # 3
Mine was car shopping in the last couple months before he proposed. Every time he showed me a car he wanted I showed him a pic of the ring I wanted. I’m not really that subtle :/. I got the ring I wanted though so it worked.
Post # 4
I sent my FI several (10 at most) pictures of rings that I liked in a word document. These were examples. He didn’t react badly, but he stressed to me that he wanted the ring and the proposal to be secret, and that he would just get me the best that he could afford. I kept hinting that he should go on the Pricescope.com forums (diamond nerds) because they were SUPER helpful and very informative for me, and I wanted him to get a really good deal on a ring, but he didn’t go on the forums at all.
I got something close to what I included in the word document. He added milgrain, which was nowhere in the examples that I sent him, though. I am afraid that he overpaid for my diamond 🙁 I love it, but I wish he wasn’t scalped when he bought it!
Post # 5
I work a retail job at the mall on weekends and after I got off work we were planning on catching a movie. He was late meeting me and he said he was at the jewelry store looking at engagement rings. We had time before the movie started so we went to the jewelry store together. We discovered I’m picky and there wasn’t a single ring there I liked. We have gone to a few different stores together since then and I have told him which rings I liked. I’m a big believer that I am the one wearing the ring every day so I should like it. I told him what I liked and what I didn’t like and the rest is in his hands. Good luck!!
Post # 6
My SO was very insistant that we didn’t go ring shopping and he shop for the ring by himself. However, I gave him pictures of rings that I liked and sent him a message with specifics (simple traditional solitare, no side stones, but not a center stone that sticks out too much, etc.).
He took it all into account and I have a ring that I’m in love with!
Post # 7
@purpleginger: i posted some pics on facebook and he liked them but i think he’s still saving his stupid car lol
Post # 8
I pinned a bunch of rings on Pinterest and had him look at them with me, so my SO has probably seen 100+ rings. He wants me to find something I love, so no complaints there. He actually encouraged me to go look at e-rings with my mom after I showed him some ring shopping stories with incredibly pushy salesmen. I took a picture of the ring I fell in love with, and we’re going to go back and look at it in October!
Post # 9
My SO asked for 3-4 pictures of rings that I liked so he could get an idea. Which was 4 months ago and he still hasn’t picked a ring LOL.
Post # 10
We had our own ‘snowflake incident’ so my SO told me to see what I liked. Then we started looking together and are winding it down now!
Post # 11
Back in April my SO asked me to send him stuff that I liked. I sent him 3 links to Angara.com for my dream ring. I want a sapphire middle stone. size 5. He took that very well since he wanted to get me a ring with blue in it. I told him i would prefer a sapphire to a blue diamond or any other blue gemston. I like diamond Halo or diamond side stones as well.
Since then I have developed a pintrest board on rings. So when we revisit the toppic when he is a little more serious and ready to buy (within the next 2-3 months) I will just tell him to go to the pintrest board. everything there is acceptible and within his price range.
Post # 12
We’ve always been pretty open.
Post # 13
MEEE! He knows exactly which ring I want. I have it bookmarked on his tablet, shown it to him, emailed it to him, left it open for him to see… Oh yeah. Everything from subtle to HERE THIS IS IT! Hahaha. 🙂
Nothing is kept from the other. We have a hard time not spilling what awesome gifts we got for the other. I just hope he doesn’t give too much away come time for the proposal.
Post # 14
I sent him some photos… and it wasn’t exactly at his request, it was after I suggested I do it. I’d already told him a few times that I’d checked out a local jewelry store, and I was feeling desperate to move things along (editorial note: this didn’t really speed things along AT ALL as far as I can tell), so I volunteered one day “you know, I’ve looked a bunch at rings when I’m bored at work, and if you ever want to see what I like just let me know.” He agreed, and told me to send him a few styles, with a little description of what I like about each. I got SOOOOOO excited and did it rigth away, and then he told me to calm down it wasn’t like he was going out to buy a ring that night or anything. So… that’s where we are at, that was a month ago, and since then things have been very up and down emotionally about getting engaged, having a wedding, being married. But, yeah, I did it. I think I would have liked it better if HE was the one to inititate/ask for it, but I was getting too impatient. There’s my fantasy of how it’s supposed to go, and then there’s the reality of me being a very active, type A, go-get-em person, so I guess that’s why it’s going this way.
Post # 15
@purpleginger: Don’t feel bad. I think he wants to get it right. I don’t think you overstepped or anything.
I feel like marriage is a 2-way street and it annoys me how ladies are supposed to tiptoe around the idea of marriage, rings, etc.
Yeah, demanding something he can’t afford and never shutting up about it is one thing, but what you’re doing is hardly pressuring him.
I wouldn’t feel bad, and I wouldn’t bring it up again – ball is in his court.
Post # 16
It’s definitely been an open process for us. I showed him a ring on etsy a while back and he didn’t seem put off (we were already talking about engagement and whatnot) so when I found another I liked I sent that to him too, at which point he had the exact same reaction as your SO (laughed at me, said I was silly). We thought that was the one until he confessed that although he had been going along with it, he just wasn’t 100% ok with getting me moissanite. Then we went to the jewelry store and I tried on a bunch of different styles, which confused him, and then I send him one last one online. That was about a month ago and I happen to know that he now has that last ring in his possession!