who initiated the initial parent meet and greet?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

My parents haven’t met my FI’s dad and probably never will because he lives in another country. 

I wasn’t even aware formal meetings between parents were a thing? I always thought you just ran into each other at some point…

Post # 3
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My mom met my fiance’s mom at my baby shower. My mom still hasn’t met my fiance’s dad yet but I assume she will at our wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m from a small town, so everyone knows everyone. I don’t think there has ever been an official meet, but I have hosted dinners and kids birthday parties so everyone has spent time together.

Post # 5
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

Like a_day_at_the_fair – wasn’t aware there was a specific etiquette on their meeting. Well, there are etiquette manuals for everything, so I suppose I mean, a specific etiquette that was widely observed. 

We are not engaged yet, and my Dad said recently ‘it would be nice to meet SOs parents sometime’ – which I feel is jumping the gun a bit! That said, it feels like once we do get engaged, they will meet soon after, as both sides are pretty excited (curious?)

I reckon the most important thing here is safeguarding the future relationship of your parents and his parents – ie for your parents to understand that it’s not a direct snub – otherwise they will become family with pre existing family politics.. and let’s face it, who needs more of that! Perhaps you can set something up on neutral ground?

Post # 6
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We just got formally engaged over the weekend and my FI is initiating the meet and greet by treating everyone out for dinner next weekend. =) I’m not sure about the actual ettiquette though- it might depend on your culture

Post # 7
Hostess
9831 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

happybunny177:  Our parents didn’t all meet until the day of the rehearsal (the day before the wedding) and we’d been together 9.5 years.  Our parents just all lived in different provinces and it wasn’t feasible.  We didn’t do a formal meet and greet either.

 

Post # 8
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

 

happybunny177:  I threw out an idea to get our parents together BBQ style, my SO loved the idea and it went quite well. I have not been able to coordinate with my father/step-mother to meet his folks and it’s been 4+ years. Hoping it’s not going to be after we’re engaged but it’s looking more and more likely. Both sets of my parents live an hour away from us and his parents only live 10 minutes from our home.

Post # 9
Member
6562 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes, the traditional etiquette always was and still is is that groom’s parents typically make the first call and invitation immediately following an engagement. But if they are not aware of this tradition or if they don’t the bride’s family can and should always reach out to offer congratulations and suggest a get together if feasible.  The important thing is that the families are mutually supportive of the couple. 

Post # 10
Member
3352 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

happybunny177:  I wasn’t aware that meet and greets were a thing. I guess if they live close to eachother it may be practical for them to meet before the wedding. For us, FI’s parents and my mom and step dad will meet the day we get married. Actually, that’s why we decided to get married on Christmas, when both families will be here. I haven’t spoken to my biological father in years, so nobody will probably ever meet him, including my FI. 

Post # 11
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

My FI and I initiated.  We set up a lunch at a location between both sets of parents and we treated.

I think as the replies are showing, what is best really depends on your circumstances.  If the parents are far, then probably the bridal shower or rehearsal dinner is when they will meet for the first time.  Otherwise, how old are you?  If you’re older, then I think it’s more your job to set up the meeting.  It depends.

Post # 12
Member
6562 posts
Bee Keeper

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/youre-engaged/419-tips-for-mom-parents-meeting-parents

Mom’s Stress Busting Tip: It doesn’t matter who takes the first step. When it comes to meeting your child’s future in-laws, don’t get hung up on “who should call whom first.” While the tradition holds that the groom’s parents should make the first contact, these days it doesn’t particularly matter who makes the first move (although the bride’s parents may want to wait a few days, to give the parents of the groom a chance to honor custom). The important thing is for the parents to meet, even if over the phone first, and share in the spirit of excitement over the future union.

Post # 13
Member
4928 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

happybunny177:  The first time the “mom’s” met was when we started to look at wedding venues. My MIL also met my dad at that time. No one met my FIL until the rehearsal.

Honestly, I feel like it’s up to you guys to get your parents together. 

Post # 14
Member
6562 posts
Bee Keeper

One more:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-to-fold-or-not-to-fold/2012/04/04/gIQAJFZyvS_story.html

“No, she didn’t make it up. That is the rule, although Miss Manners is not surprised that you sisters didn’t grow up hearing, “Now, girls, always remember that when you get engaged, be sure it is to a young man whose parents know to call on us first.” It is not, however, a rule that should be applied rigorously. The idea is for the two families to become acquainted, as they will be sharing many occasions. If this begins with one side feeling hurt and the other having no idea why, it will not be pleasant.”

Post # 15
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I never heard of that tradition! My then SO and I arranged a meeting before we were engaged. He really wanted to make sure they met before he proposed. Since our parents live in different states (about 2.5 hours apart), we chose a restaurant halfway between — and we paid for dinner. 🙂

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