Weddingbee boards

TODAY is the day I really need to bite the bullet and ask the co-workers I'm inviting for their addresses. I'm so nervous to do it because I just don't know how this is going to go over.  After much agonizing, I just felt that I want to invite three of the six co-workers (who I am the closest to), that I work with in this office...because if I invite all of them, plus significant others, then I have to invite my boss and his wife..and then probably people in other offices and it keeps expanding. GAHHH. I hope this is the right decision and people will understand. They do know I have limited capacity. But I hope IF they find out, their feelings aren't hurt.

So did anyone else do something similar? Experiences?

Thanks girls This is helpful.  I do think and hope that people will be adults about it and not be too offended if they find out.  It's awkward because it's such a small office so why not just invite everyone. But everyone plus spouses means over-capacity. I feel uncomfortable inviting no one because one of them I truly am friends with outside of work.

I am inviting 3 people from my branch, plus 4 others, each from different branches.  Of the 3 from my branch, I hang out allll the time with one, share an office with the 2nd, and well, just like the 3rd. 

Ex Libris - You mention you share an office with one of them.  I share an office with one of them, but she was not on my list of the three I would invite. I am nervous about that because we chit-chat throughout the day, so I dont know if she would be offended. If I invite her, then that is MOST of the office so then I feel as though I have to invite everyone. And she is good friends with someone in another office where I work, who I am sort of friends with, so then I feel I'd have to invite her and her husband too. It's so complicated!

I work in an office of about 17 people. I'm not close with all of them---so I'm only really inviting about 7 of them. My bosses are invited because I am close with them as well as 5 other co-workers. The way I figure it is the people who are not invited have had parties/get togethers out of the office that I wasn't invited to and other co-workers were so I don't feel they should expect an invitation. 

Luckily I work in a large office.  Unfortunately I'm part of 2 teams (each the size of some of your offices.)  Luckily we're having a rather in expensive dinner, so the added guests (and spouses) won't break the bank.  I've decided that I'll be inviting both of my teams (and spouse but not boyfriends or guests).  It's likely that many will decline, but they hear enough about the wedding I figure they should get an invite.

These responses are very interesting to me because I'm coming at a similar issue from another angle.

Coworker and I have been working together for about 3.5 years she's been here (I've been here a few years longer). We have been pretty close friends the entire time. We have somewhat of a reputation as being inseparable. We occassionally get together outside of work, like when she invited her 10 best girlfriends to her 30th birthday night out and I was one of them. I've become friends with many of her friends, including one of her bridesmaids who is now one of my good friends.

Needless to say, I was shocked, hurt, and disappointed when I recently found out I was not invited to the wedding. It appears that she decided that she wouldn't invite anyone from work b/c then she would have to invite everyone. So, without telling me anything, I was left off the guest list.

She never once said anything to me about not being invited. A couple of months ago when she sent out the STDs she mentioned it to me and said she had set up a website. When I said I wanted to see it she said it was password-protected and she would just pull it up on her computer for me. I thought that was really strange and at that time I had an inkling that something was up.

Then last month when we were catching up about our weekends she mentioned that her shower was the past weekend and I was really surprised. Then she said she was mailing out invitations and I thought, well, I guess I'll find out soon if I'm invited or not. Sure enough, no invitation for me.

I am coming to terms with it, but I am still really upset. She and her FI have a large family, but the wedding is around 200+ people. Yes, they're paying for it themselves. I kind of get it. But I am still really offended. To add insult to injury, a week after I realized I was not invited, coworker asked me to take the bridesmaid dress to our mutual friend since they weren't able to get together.

So I guess my point in sharing this is to say that while you are not obligated to invite *anyone* to your wedding, be considerate and if you decide not invite certain people, don't be shy about explaining your constraints and your decision. And oh, don't involve coworkers in the details of your wedding planning if they're not invited. Like, say, asking coworker to help pick out the paper for your invitations, or help to match ties to the bridesmaid dresses.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

bestforlast - Thanks for sharing your story. It's good to hear that side of things.  I think the reason I have been agonizing over this so much, is because there is 1 person at work who I am truly outside of work friends with.  He knows all my friends, has been to my house etc. So I always felt I couldn't just invite NO ONE from work, because he is truly a friend that should be invited. Apparently, your friend thought inviting no one was the best way to go, despite you being true friends.  I understand that some people feel that way, reasonable or not.  But it's just hurtful, and I'm sure the co-workers would have understood considering you really are good friends, why she would just choose you.  So I'm sorry you went through that.  Maybe talking to her about how you feel would help mend things, so hopefully you can continue to have a good friendship. 

Thanks for the advice...I actually did end up inviting the three just today. So I feel good about it, but now I know I will stress about not inviting the other three plus my boss. I don't know if I should just openly say "I wish I could have invited everyone", or just hope they don't find out.

At the time of our wedding I worked a public-service job in an organization of about 26 people.  I invited the entire office, but not individually.  I tacked an invitation to the board in the staff room with an envelope with blank RSVP cards below and an empty manila envelope.  I sent an all staff email to let everyone know they were invited and to please let me know by such and such date if they wanted to go.  I also invited spouses/SO's as we were getting married in an out of town location and I know some co-workers wouldn't want to drive by themselves.

Before you judge me for being tacky, it actually worked out quite well.  As a public service organization we have minimal staffing requirements.  We got married on a Saturday during the day when the organization was open.  One of the Admins came and said, "We won't be closing down so people can go to your wedding."  I told them that was fine. 

So everyone who wanted to go to the wedding had to negotiate that Saturday off.  So the people that were not very close to me or who didnt' really want to go volunteered to work and everyone else got the chance to "swtich" Saturdays.  It ended up working out quite well, and no one felt "excluded."

I work in an office of about 60, but my actual team consists of four people, including my boss. They're all invited, plus six others who I'm close to. The rule of thumb: DON'T talk about the wedding in length to people that you're not inviting, unless they ask you directly.

One coworker came up to my desk the other day and said: "You know, I go to the ceremony and reception. I'm not one of those people who just shows up for the party. And I give really good gifts."

NO LIE....he totally auditioned for an invitation!!! Gotta love co-workers. LOL