(Closed) Who invited some co-workers and not others? How did it turn out?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I started at my law office about 8 months ago. I ended up inviting the associates (ie younger people) who I work with most closely and am actually friends with. So there are a few in my practice group that I didn’t invite because I barely know them. I didn’t invite any of the partners, largely because they don’t know me very well and I didn’t want to seem gift grabby (as in, new girl invited you, you don’t know her, but would probably send a gift). I also invited the secretaries and paralegal I work with because they are so nice to me.

It has been fine. Only the ones I’m actual friends with have said yes. Most have declined, and the I haven’t heard any negativity through the grape vine.

Post # 4
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We have 15 people in our office right now.  I invted 6 and not the boss.  My reasoning was that these 6 people are people that I hang out with outside of work.. we drink together, we play cards together, we do lunch… they are people who I know their families. 

Here I am 3 days away, and part of me wishes I had just invited everyone, but part of me doesn’t.  It’s like I have to tiptoe around the issue at all times.  Plus everyone is being really nice to me right now.  Maybe it’s just because I am getting married.

On the other hand, we have been at 80% of our salary for 18 months at this point, and I don’t want to force people I’m not close with to spend money to come to my event.

I also heard a story that they passed around a card and asked for donations and NO ONE put in any money.

So in the end, I feel bad that I didn’t invite everyone, but NOT REALLY that bad.  I save them money, and they probably don’t care that much.  It hasn’t been so awkward.

Post # 5
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I invited a very small portion of my office and it was totally fine.  I heard once that as far as co-workers a good rule of thumb is only invite them if you have their home/cell phone number and actually use it.  So that was the test I ran for who to invite : )

ETA: You and those who are invited to should not discuss the wedding at the office to avoid hurt feelings.

Post # 6
Member
2682 posts
Sugar bee

I had a “different” situtation because I worked for a company where we had 2 locations but we all worked together often as well.  I ended up only inviting my coworkers that were at my location and not the other so I could make a clear line of who was invited. Everyone took it ok – there was one Chef who asked why he wasnt invited and I said because I only invited people at my location (he used to work there) and he acted upset, not sure if he really was.  I basically told him if he hadnt transferred he wouldve been invited and let it go 🙂

Post # 8
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I invited some co-workers but not others. So far it’s worked out fine. We’ve had several weddings in our office over the past several years, so we’ve established precedent for inviting only the co-workers we’re closest to instead of everyone going to every single wedding. My two oddnesses were 1) I didn’t invite a close co-worker who’s also an ex-boyfriend. Co-workers don’t know that he and I used to date, so may wonder why he’s excluded. We talked it out and got our stories straight (he’s very supportive and thinks it’s funny). 2) I invited my boss and her wife, even though I’m not super-close with them and wasn’t invited to their wedding. I just felt too weird NOT inviting my boss.

Post # 9
Member
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

everyone here at my office knows that i am on a tight budget one of my co workers is my bridesmaid and she is a great BM! we have grown together like family and her mom even watches my son she will probably be the only one at the wedding. everyone here knows how stressed out i am about money and we are thinking of having a small wedding so they understand where i am coming from. My office is only women too so its easier for them to understand (i think??)

Post # 10
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

I am only inviting a few from work… Well mostly the friends i used to work with.
i am on the edge i dont know if i should invite my supervisor….

 

Post # 11
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

My former office was a place of miracles when it came to wedding guest lists. Three people were married while I was working there, and all three of the brides invited some coworkers to the ceremony, but not the reception. No coworkers were invited to any of these three receptions, with one exeption where one bride was particularly good friends with one other woman. The miraculous part was that everyone was completely chill with all of this. Everyone grasped that you can’t invited an entire office to a wedding reception, but appreciated being included at the ceremonies; we are friends and care about each other after all.

I would never, ever assume that any other office or social sphere functions the way my former office did, though. I think it was wonderful that everyone had the attitude they did about it. No one breathed a word about it if they weren’t invited, and after each ceremony, all of us who weren’t going to the reception just went out to dinner together. But, yeah, not normal, and I’m sure any outsider would instantly conclude that it was hopelessly tacky for us to have been invited to the ceremony without being invited to the reception.

I thought that was interesting, though it doesn’t really answer your question, sorry! I just started working at my current office in April so I’m not inviting any coworkers, though I have a few I’d love to have there. I figure it’s better just to beg off on the assumption that we had the guest count firmed up before I started here (which we pretty much did). If I’d already been working here when we got engaged, man, that would have been tough, because I really would have wanted to invite everyone, and that would literally have doubled our guest list!

Post # 12
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am inviting 3 people from my branch, plus 4 others, each from different branches.  Of the 3 from my branch, I hang out allll the time with one, share an office with the 2nd, and well, just like the 3rd. 

Post # 14
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I work in an office of about 17 people. I’m not close with all of them—so I’m only really inviting about 7 of them. My bosses are invited because I am close with them as well as 5 other co-workers. The way I figure it is the people who are not invited have had parties/get togethers out of the office that I wasn’t invited to and other co-workers were so I don’t feel they should expect an invitation. 

Post # 15
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I invited 2 of my 3 bosses and only 2 other co-workers.  No one seemed to mind and I actually received a few gifts and well wishes from co-workers who weren’t invited.  People understand that weddings are both intimate and limited. When I got back from the honeymoon eveyone was really excited for us and wanted to see pictures.  Truly, no hurt feelings here. 

Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m inviting the 3 coworkers who were part of my department when the STDs went out (and who I’m close to). Since then, we’ve added another team to our department (which I’m not inviting) and another individual that I work with more closely – similar to the 3 who are invited – but am also not inviting them. Mainly because I don’t like this person (who I worked with previously and was pretty floored when they got hired at my new company). I figure if they ask why they weren’t invited, I’ll pull the “family invites got out of hand, so I needed to keep the work invites as-is. If I hadn’t sent out STDs (before you started) to my coworkers, I probably wouldn’t have been able to invite them either.”

But, I’m just being careful to not talk about the wedding too much when that person is around. Which isn’t hard because I REALLY dislike this person Innocent

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