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We just kept ours to our close family and friends. To me its a celebration with those who you are closest to..if u invite everyone then it seems like u are just trying to get alot of gifts, in my opinion. Like we didn't feel the need to invite co-workers, parents friends and all that. I thought of it more like a dinner party...who would u invite. If your mom wants to go crazy then theres probably not much you can do, but I would try to keep it to the most important people you wanna celebrate with.
I'm from Jersey...central. But my fiance lives in south jersey, outside of philly. Just thought I'd share :)
We were planning to keep ours small, but have ended up inviting pretty much the whole wedding invite list! (which is 100 - 120 people.) For us, everyone has to travel anyway so unless we had 5 different parties we couldn't avoid asking people to travel for the engagement party. Fi & I wanted our friends there, obviously, and I'm really close with both sides of my medium sized extended families, and our parents friends like a good party/celebration... so that pretty much didn't leave anyone off! Except for a few who would've had to fly (from overseas, or the South Island).
How far away is your wedding? If it's ages I'd say go for it - they're always free to decline if it's too far for them. But if the wedding's close I'd say keep it small, esp. since your having that other engagement celebration in MD a while later. Does your mum know about that?
Personally though, I wouldn't worry about technically 'proper etiquette', and instead look at what will work best for your family and your guests (which is what etiquette is about, anyway) - your situation determines what's 'right', not a set of arbitrary rules IMO :)
Good luck!
haha - TRUE regarding "etiquette" these days. I guess I just didn't want to make anyone feel obligated.
Mom's party is in January - wedding is in August. My guess is that the Maryland people won't travel north for it and just make the 2nd one. Then whomever to show at the bridal shower in June. Is that held in NJ then? My MOH is in Philly but all my bridesmaids are in NYC. Where do we have the traditional shower??????
There is no "rule of etiquette" that says that you have to invite everyone who you will invite to the wedding, to the e-party. However, etiquette does dictate that whomever you invite to the e-party will get an invite to the wedding. It wouldn't be nice to invite somebody to share in your engagement, but then not allow them to see the big finale. Maybe your mom can just feel the OOT people out and send invites to those who express and interest in coming to the e-party...that way nobody feels obligated.
I felt uncomfortable having EVERYONE who was invited to the wedding there, I felt like it would just be the wedding. You do have to invite only people that will be attending the wedding. We're inviting our immediate families, bridal party, and very close friends. Which is still 75% of our wedding, but still.
Anyone invited will obviously be invited to the wedding... I guess the question is, do we even INVITE out of town guests????
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Hi there!
My mom is throwing an engagement party for my fiance and I in NJ. We live in Maryland and about 25% of the wedding guest list is in MD as well.
I told her that she doesn't need to invite out-of-town people (MD'ers) and I swore I read somewhere that it was actually bad etiquette to do so because then they feel obligated to travel and come???? 75% of the guest list is in NY or NJ anyway.
PLUS, my a family friend of my fiance's side is throwing us an engagement/couple's shower type thing a couple months later in MD.
I may be wrong, but what is right!? My mom wants to invite EVERYONE that's invited to the wedding - I just think that's crazy!!??
What do you think!? I don't want to offend her by trumping her party w/the one that's being thrown by my fiance's side and say she shouldn't invite people down here.
What's proper etiquette!?