Who is really hosting the wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who hosted the wedding?
    The Bride's Parents : (24 votes)
    65 %
    The Bride and Groom : (13 votes)
    35 %
    The Groom's Parents : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    330 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @lapisphoto:  the way we went about it because our parents paid about the same was we put Sunshine and Sunshine’s FI together with their families. that way everyone was happy. at the point your inlaws threw more money into the reception and the honeymoon the invitations were already printed. it’s not your fault they waited until the last minute to contribute more.

    Post # 4
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @lapisphoto:  Since they paid for a decent amount of the wedding (drinks aren’t cheap!) they should have been considered co-hosts. 90% of people don’t realize that the names on an invite indicate who is hosting the wedding.

    And your FI’s theory is cute, but not correct. Hosting implies footing the bill.

    Post # 5
    Member
    11717 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Hosting does not equal paying.  The host is “a person who receives or entertains other people as guests.”  More often than not, the host is the person who pays, but the host and the financial backer can be two different entities. 

    In this sense, your parents are both paying.  Who the host of the event is, is yet to be seen.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @lapisphoto:  I’d say mostly your parents. I know wording on an invite is important, but I thought it looekd funny to have both stes of parents at the top (my in laws paid for rehearsal dinner only), so I put ____ and____ request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter ______ to _______, son of _____ and ___

    So DH’s parents were still on there, but they weren’t at the top. I would think if their names are somewhere on there that should be fine, but I am one of those people that doesn’t give invite wording much of a thought. I already know who’s getting married so I typically skip all that crap and go straight to what day, time and where it is at.

    Post # 8
    Member
    9529 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would say that both sets of parents co-hosted the wedding. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2891 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @lapisphoto: Your parents hosted the wedding, his hosted the rehearsal dinner + the honeymoon.

    Are you doing separate invitations for the rehearsal dinner? Maybe get some printed up and mailed to those participating in the RD so your FILs will calm down. 

    Otherwise, not much you can do except apologize and move on.

    Post # 12
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee

    @abbie017:  +1.

    Hosts also receive the RSVPs. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    94 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    FI and I  are footing most of the bill. However, both families have contributed in their own ways. So we put Please join  ___ and ___together with their families. Or something like that. No one was specifically mentioned. It was vague because we have multiple sets of families as well which makes things even more complicated.

    Post # 14
    Member
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    And this is why we paid for our wedding 100% ourselves and didn’t put any of the parents on the invitation.  Your wedidng has already passed and there’s nothing you can do other than apologize and move on.

    Post # 15
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @lapisphoto:  I think the fact that they gave you a significant amount of money towards your wedding means that they should have been considered hosts. Alchohol that was $6,000 when the total for everything else was $27,000 is a substantial part.

    For those who say money has nothing to do with who hosts (and I see their point of view) then your ILs were probably still hosts if they greeted guests as they entered, made a point to welcome and thank everyone for coming, and help facilitate the collection of RSVPs by making calls and following up with people and helping them get hotel reservations. They did the social aspects of being a host.

    Both parents helped you host both socially and monitarily. Should she be upset about the invite wording? No. Should you still be obsessing over this months after the wedding? No.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2891 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @lapisphoto: Oh, thanks for that context.

    In that case, your MIL / FIL need to let it go. No one can change the past! 

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