Who is responsible for how you react to things? Poll

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Who is responsible for our emotions?
    Others actions control our emotions : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Ultimately, we decide how we respond to situations : (94 votes)
    97 %
  • Post # 2
    7039 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I can’t agree with your statement that “Everything is neutral”. I could give many counterexamples.

    Many things affect our emotions. More accurate would be to say we control how we respond to our emotions.

    Post # 3
    169 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    If it matters at all, I think it sounds like you handled that situation perfectly. You made a comment, it didn’t land how you expected, you apolgised. That should be the end of it.

    No one’s a mind reader, or knows every single intimate detail of someone’s life and history, so you really can’t always predict what someone else will find offensive. (or funny, or sad, or shocking, etc).

    I think our emotions are our own, and how we handle, respond, act or react to them is really our own responsibility. 

    Having said that, I’d not advocating a free for all where you don’t give a shit about anyone else! I think most people tread lightly, but as I said above you can’t always get it right.

    Post # 4
    1987 posts
    Buzzing bee

    How we respond to any given situation is ultimately our responsibility, and we are beings governed by emotion as well as intellect. I also believe that some people, especially today, look for ways to be offended. We are turning into a hyper-sensitive society. I believe that if someone does something that angers or offends you, you are allowing that person control over you if you cannot get past it–you are allowing them to make you angry. Their beliefs or actions are essentially controlling you. Like when someone cuts you off on the freeway–when you get angry, you are allowing that person to take control of your emotions which is never a good thing. We may not be able to control what emotions we feel, but we can control how we react when feeling them. For example, if someone says something that makes me very angry, I may not be able to help that I feel angry, but I should be able to control myself in deciding what to say or do in response to it.

    I’m not sure if any of that made any sense as I’m sleep-deprived at the moment, but, yeah. 


    • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  MrsYokiman.
    Post # 5
    4072 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I think there are exceptions. Vivid hate speech yelled at you while you cross your university campus by mentally ill preachers, people vandalising your house because you’re gay or black or Mexican, etc. All those things are extreme and involve hateful people going out of their way to cause harm. I cannot help it if I am hurt or offended by someone calling me slut and saying a deserve rape because my shorts are too short.

    However, outside of these extremes, I think people do need to realise intention plays a big part. It’s not everyone else’s job to know what can trigger a bad memory for you, or what topics get under your skin. Instead you have to keep yourself in check and politely respond. There is no need to lash out at a friend because they mentioned something that’s a trigger for you when they didn’t even know.

    Post # 6
    7289 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I think it is a mix of both. We control our reactions to things but also we control what comes out of our mouths. So we have a responsibility to do both. It is also situational. Like a pp mentioned I do not think that if someone calls me a racist term that I should be the one not to get offended, instead the person should never have said it. 

    We are all entitled to our opinion but there is also a time and place to air it. Telling a group of new mums that you think SAHM’s sit around watching soaps all day and having fun is not going to go down well! But saying that you have heard a lot of SAHM’s sit around all day watching soaps and having fun and would be interested to hear from some would be a better way to phrase it. 

    Post # 7
    643 posts
    Busy bee

    One of the only things in life we can control is our reaction to situations and emotions. We sure can’t control other people, just how we respond to them. 

    Post # 8
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    bmo88:  I think either one is too black and white – there is plenty of shades of grey. For example … Someone who knows someone else can completely push their buttons. There are also some mental disorders (ie. BPD) where if untreated that person may be triggered to react in some way (inwardly or outwardly). There are also people who know how their reactions will be to something and instead of “cooling off” choose to stay in the situation and react. I mean, that’s why someone can claim temporary insanity for their defence, no?

    Anyways, I did not vote on your pole because both views are too black and white.

    Post # 9
    8388 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Too few people have actually mastered themselves to be able to fully control how they respond to every situation.

    Post # 12
    100 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    bmo88:  I also agree that everyone is responsible for their reactions.  All feelings and emotional responses felt are ok, but that doesn’t take away from what action someone chooses to take in response to someone else.  I also agree about the neutrality of situations, because people will respond differently to the same circumstances based on who they are and the baggage they bring with them.  

    Post # 13
    8388 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    bmo88:  It’s not about mastering the ability to control the situation, but rather mastering one’s self.  One such example is monks that are able to control their body temperature through meditation (http://www.nytimes.com/1982/02/09/science/science-watch-heat-from-meditation.html).  Obviously, this is physical, but it demonstrates how a person can have total control over their mind with enough discipline and practice.  However, there are very few people that are able to do this, and thus allow their emotions to control them.

    Post # 15
    2367 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    The only person responsible for a reaction is yourself. Other people’s actions can impact your emotions, but the actual reaction is exclusively your responsibility. For example, if someone started screaming horrible, hateful things to me, I would feel angry. That’s an emotion. My reaction, whether to punch them in the face, walk away, try to have a calm discussion, call the police, or anything else would be entirely up to me. 

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