Post # 1
Here’s the background. FH owns and teaches ata group fitness studio where I am also a member. Sometimes, at the end of class he will announce something like “who wants to go grab a drink at ______ bar” or ” There’s live music at ______ whos down?” Other times he will invite people to our house and only tell me about it when they are already decided. When he does this I’m like: Que? So you’ve been planning to go out or have guests in your mind and you didn’t even invite me, ask me if I wanted to go, or if I had any reservations about it? Usually I don’t say anything. I’m a super mellow, non possessive type, but today was the last straw.
I said, “babe, it kind of hurts my feelings that you plan these things without inviting or telling me.” He says “I invited everyone!” I say ” as your fiance, and cohabitating partner I think I deserve a pre invitation/ warning.” I asked how he would feel if I did the same to him and he said he wouldnt mind…I highly doubt that. In the end he did not see why he should have to inform me first.
So I’ll leave it to the hive to decide! Who is right? Also, how would you feel if your partner behaved the same way?
Post # 3
I don’t think he needs to actually invite you – it is your house too, after all – but a warning would be nice! I would want to know if people were coming to my house. Aheads-up or a “Hey, do you mind if X people come over for a bit?” could go a long way.
Post # 4
It would bother me if my husband invited people to the house without telling me because I always like to make sure it’s in good shape when people come over. Otherwise, I don’t think this is a big deal. This may be one of those things about him that you just have to accept.
Post # 5
Agree with you.
It’s like he has no courtesy to give you a head’s up, ie “Hey, I’m going to invite people over after class, do you mind?”
That kind of stuff drives me insane. But, not as insane as when he asks, I say no, and he does it anyway.
The only way I would say your FH has any sort of case is if they always go out after class. Then, you should expect it. But, not if he changes it between inviting people over to a shared home or going out. And, not if it’s not every time after class (or on consistent days – like every Thurs night or something). Basically, if there’s a pattern/habit and you can anticipate it, I understand if he doesn’t tell you every time.
Post # 6
It’s not about getting a personal invitation, it should be about warning you that people will be in your home! I would want a heads-up.
Post # 7
I think you’re already invited if he asks who wants to go out after class. When he invites people over to the house, he shouldn’t do it unless you are aware and have agreed to have guests over.
Post # 8
i think his behavior is strange. I would not like it if Darling Husband invited random people from his gym class over whenever he wanted or to go out and hang out with them. And yes, I would expect Darling Husband to come up to me and ask if I was coming specifically.
Post # 9
I wanted to vote both- you are right AND- we ask if the other wouldn’t mind. He is being insensitive, though he probably doesn’t mean to.
Post # 10
I think it’s completely inappropriate for the owner/teacher to be inviting customers/clients to his house, out for events, etc, in the first place. But I guess that’s neither here nor there.
Post # 11
For us I think it’s always assumed the other is invited if one of us wants to go out, but I would be livid if he invited a bunch of people over without asking me first. And to be honest I would want a heads up about him going out to in case I already had plans for dinner or whatever.
Post # 12
I don’t know if it’s a matter of being right or wrong. In my mind it just sounds like a communication issue that you two need to work out. It’s clearly important to you that he gives you a head’s up and checks to make sure it’s okay for him to invite guests over or invite a group of people to go out. That is completley reasonable, and for the record, I also prefer that from my husband. But it sounds like your husband didn’t really think it was an issue, and since you haven’t been saying anything to him until now, he would have had no way to know it bothered you. Tell him that even though he doesn’t think it’s necessary, you are asking him to do it for you out of respect for your needs. Like I said, it’s a totally reasonable request.
Post # 13
I would be totally pissed off.
But then, I do not have anounce of sponteneity in my body. Him having people over at no notice would make me all stabby.
I would also expect to be invited to any of the gatherings…..
Post # 14
He doesn’t have to inform you, some people are impulsive like that, it’s part of their personality and not worth getting upset aboutin the slightest. Mr. 99 is the same way, I’ll come home from work to a house party, it’s fun! If I’m not in the mood, he can play with his friends and I can relax in bed, it’s who he is.