Post # 1
So our wedding is still way far out, but I’ve already run into a sticky kind of situation. This gets slightly complicated so if you stick with me through it, gold star 😉
Wedding in in FI’s and my town, which is NOT local to either of our families. 2ish hours for my fam, 3ish hours for fi’s dad’s fam, and a plane ride for fi’s mom and sister.
We own a house here with 4 total bedrooms including an extra queen bed, a queen/full size futon, and 3 couches. My brother also lives in my city 10 min from me and has an extra full size bed. But, my parents refuse to stay with my brother because they say a full is too small/uncomfortable and also because he has some crazy dogs.
I would really like my parents to stay with us because I don’t want them to pay any more money for a hotel since they’re helping us with the wedding, and because i’ll need my mom’s help leading up to the wedding.
But, I’m asking FI’s mom and sister to come early (at least 2 days) because we’re getting married in the winter and I’m worried that if there is a storm they might get snowed into NY and if they were planning to come the day before we’d be screwed. FI’s mom/step dad/sister don’t have a ton of money, so obviously I’d like for them to stay with us too so they don’t have to pay for a hotel.
I told my mom today that I thought everyone could stay here, my mom/dad in one bedroom and FI’s mom/step dad in the other, with the sister on one of the couches.
My mom said that sounded way too crowded, not to mention the fact that “the futon shouldn’t count as a bed because its not comfortable” (i.e. she isn’t staying on it). So I guess I could put my parents in the “guest bedroom” with the real bed and FI’s mom/step dad on the futon in one of the other bedrooms…. but they’ll be here first and it seems weird that they wouldn’t get the guest bedroom (and obviously asking them to move a day later when my parents get here would be awkward).
ahhh. so what do i do? what did you do? Did you have family staying with you or did you make everyone get their own hotel? I’m just trying to save everyone money but I’m starting to get a little nervous about having a total of 7 people in this house for days before the wedding… not exactly the scene of calm. I’m open to thoughts (including that this is a problem of my own making from trying to accommodate everyone. I know! lol)
Post # 3
Let others deal with their own financial situation, meaning if they feel they can afford a hotel, then they can. I think you are really going to regret having all those people in your house. That’s what hotel blocks are for lol. If they mention money trouble then offer, but if they think they can handle it, let them dictate that.
Hope this helps!
Post # 4
@shaydenise- you’re probably right… i just feel bad that we have this big house and extra space so we SHOULD have them stay here. Ugh I did not think this through when I wanted to have our wedding here vs. in my hometown.
Post # 5
The only person staying here is his mom, everyone else has to get hotel rooms or stay with family, I dont want a chaotic house when I need to relax before the wedding, when family is around there’s always drama stirring in the air
Post # 6
I wouldn’t be making accomodations for anyone who is close enough to drive within 2-3 hours…that’s not bad at all! If they live that close and want to get a hotel, I think that responsibility should be on them.
However, that being said, we are putting up a lot of folks who are flying in from 2500 miles away. I just can’t ask them to get a hotel room, on top of airfare, to come see us get married! So between my fiance’s one extra room (2 guests), my brother’s extra room (2 guests), and my parents’ extra room (1 guest & baby) and travel trailer (2 guests)…we’re doing what we can for those who are coming from out of town.
But those are for our SUPER close friends, who are probably like your family. I would draw a very clear line somewhere on who you plan to put up and who you don’t. But honestly, if you’re starting to stress about it now, go with your instinct! You don’t want to be super stressed that week because of accomodating family!
Post # 7
We have 5 bedrooms and our house was pretty damn full. My parents were downstairs (they live 4ish hours away), my bridesmaid and her mom stayed in the guest room (we have a twin bed and a twin air mattress in there) i had 3 other bridesmaids stay over. I had a queen air mattress also, so two of them slept on that and one girl slept on the couch.
Full house, lemme tell ya. But, it was okay. My parents came in town WEdnesday with my aunt and her boyfriend (who i made stay in a hotel…i wasn’t keen on her boyfriend sleeping over–i’ve never met him). It was too much honestly. THey were stressing me the hell out, getting in my face, and treating the time like “hey let’s hang out!” versus me having wedding stuff to do. So Thursday night DH and I spent the day doing stuff we needed to do (pick up tuxes, etc) and had a nice dinner, stayed in a nice hotel, and had date night. We let everyone just chill at our place, lol. You may want to consider that–it was a wonderful alone night. I came back refreshed, not stressed, relaxed. If i was home, i woud’ve found wedding stuff to do. Then, Friday, after the rehearsal, DH went and stayed with his mom and after the rehearsal is when all but one of the bridesmaids came over and we all hung out, got ready at my place, etc.
5 br, two baths, about 2,000 square feet. How many ppl? I lost count. Full house for sure, but it wasn’t cramped or irritating except for the fact that I needed to do stuff, so we left Thursday and had date night. Which we only did because DH flew in town on Wednesday because we were LDR and didn’t want to spend ALL the time leading up to our wedding (when we hadn’t seen each other for a couple months) with other people.
Post # 8
Where are you staying the night of the wedding?
I realize you want to be nice and include everyone but you’ll want alone time and with the house filled to capacity, it won’t happen. Maybe offer to let people stay with you but not the night before and not the night of.
My thinking was similar to yours and in the end no one was ‘allowed’ to stay at the house. I say allow because we had a huge issue with DH’s side the year before about who could and who couldn’t stay, when really everyone could have stayed but chose not to…anyways, not the point of this post. No one ended up staying with us and I am so glad no one did either. Maybe you could offer to pay for your parents hotel 1 night that way it’s not so much of a burden?
Post # 9
@529- Just to be clear, the people I’m considering having here are 1) My parents (who live 2ish hours away but need to be here early to help me, and are also paying for a chunk of our wedding so I hate to make them pay more) 2) FI’s mom/step dad who are flying in (not paying for any of the wedding) and need to be a here a few days before because its a feb wedding and we need to leave extra time for weather and 3) FI’s sister who is flying in and has no money (grad student).
@ejs- wow, that is a FULL house. Glad to know you weren’t too stressed about it though. I just don’t know how I’ll feel. On one hand it might be nice to have so many people here to help. On the other hand, I don’t want to have to entertain people when I’m busy.
Post # 10
We’re having my parents, my sister, her husband, and my niece. Oh and my parents TWO DOGS. Plus we already have a dog. So. That adds up to… 6 people and 3 dogs. Thank god we are a close family and drama free!! It might be crowded, but they are flying in and I’m going to need help anyways. FI and I are not staying there on our wedding night though 🙂
Post # 11
@ottawabride- we’re not staying here on our wedding night either. My mom is going to do a brunch at our house the morning after the wedding so she def needs to be here that night to get stuff ready in the morning.
Post # 12
Ottawa brings up a good point…drama! If your family is full of drama you won’t want to be around it any more than you have to.
Post # 13
I keep having moments where I want to offer our house for people to stay at while they are here for the wedding. But the last thing I want to do is to be entertaining guest while I am stressing over details or needing breathing time.
Can you have just your parents or just his parents? Maybe both but cut it off there!
Post # 14
Hmm.. you need to somehow reserve that guest room for your parents since they are helping financially and are organizing the brunch. The most gracious thing you can do is give FI’s parents your bedroom when they arrive and move yourselves to the guest bedroom, then when your parents come give them the guest bedroom and move to a hotel (which will only be like 1 night early, right?) That way none of them have to pay for a hotel room and you and FI get your space which you were going to get anyway.
We are OOT ourselves, so FI and I are staying at my parents house two nights before the wedding with one of my OOT BM’s then moving to a hotel the night before. So it isn’t too complicated, but I’m sure my parents are going to be paying for some peoples hotel rooms just to avoid them staying at their house!
Post # 15
@champagne wishes- i dont know. I feel bad offering to one but not the other, ya know? I mean with my parents they could TECHNICALLY stay with my brother, he lives 10 min away and has another bedroom. But a full size bed is pretty small for 2 adults who are used to sleeping on a king and they’ve just said they’ll never stay there again.
I’m thinking now maybe have FI’s family come in on Thursday and stay with us thursday, friday, sat night. And then my parents come Friday and just stay one night in a hotel (night before the wedding) and then they could stay in our bedroom here saturday night since we’ll be at a hotel anyways. That way FI’s mom has the guest room, his sister has the sewing room with futon, and my parents are in a hotel just 1 night and in our bedroom the other night.
Is it creepy to have my parents stay in our bedroom? I feel like they’d think that was weird haha. Even though we’re in a hotel obviously.
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
We are on “no guests in our house the wedding weekend” because we might just need to get away and relax at some point! I think it’s very generous that you want everyone to stay with you, but I don’t think it’s expected (or should be expected).