(Closed) Who is “supposed to” host the rehearsal dinner??

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would think that’s her way of feeling out if you already have a plan.  If you do have an idea of what you would like ideally, I would give her a brief description, and maybe if it’s within what she had in mind, she’ll offer to pay.  Like, “I think I’d like something low key, with just the bridal party and our parents.”  Or, “I’d like to offer all out of town guests to come and go to such and such restaurant”.

Post # 4
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

actually thats exactly what you need to do.

“hi FMIL, i was wondering if you would like to be in charge of the rehearsal dinner. Traditionally its done by the groom’s family and its a time for you to really shine as a host, and plan something for the two families. So if you would like to do so, would you? I understand if you cant financially, but we wanted to ask  to see if you would be interested in doing this…”

Post # 5
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

also, where do you live? in the south its always a big to-do for the groom’s Mother to take the reins in planning the RD since usually she doesnt take part in the actual wedding planning since the Brides family hosts that.

Post # 6
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It sounds to me like she’s feeling you out.  I don’t think it would be rude to ask her; the worst that could happen is she’d say no.  Just ask her if she was thinking of hosting the rehearsal dinner, and then tactfully make sure she’s aware that hosting the dinner means paying for it.  😀

Post # 9
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Why would she be asking about the number of guests unless she was thinking of planning it?!  You might want to pop the question soon, because you may find that she’s been planning to host this event all along and just assumed you took it for granted!  You wouldn’t want to end up with two rehearsal dinners planned!

Post # 10
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Hi,

Just a suggestion or two:

Do you think that your FI could ask them if they were planning on hosting it?  Or

Would your mom want to make contact and kind of see what FILs are thinking?

Good luck, that’s a tough one. 

Post # 11
Member
3872 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sounds like she can’t afford it, if she hasn’t offered to give you money for the wedding.

I know it’s suppose to be the FI parents but if she can’t afford it, she can’t afford it.

You can ask her if she is she is able to help out a little and see what she says.

You’ll see a lot of girls here, who are paying for the wedding by themselves.  Nowadays, it’s ok if the parent’s don’t help out with paying for it.

My and my husband paid for 90% of our wedding.  I knew from the start that my parents didn’t have much money to give us, so I didn’t even ask them for anything. 

ETA:  Also, your response… We haven’t really figured anything out yet… it’s really up in the air…”.  can be a bit confusing for her too. I could take that as you don’t know if you are having one.  You are giving her mixed signals just like she is.  I would come out and say that you want one and was wondering if she would be willing to help out.  You’re not saying that you want her to pay for everything; you are asking her if she can at least help out. It’s not putting all the pressure on her to pay for it.

 

Post # 12
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If FMIL brings it up again, just say something like “we’d really like to have a low key get-together with our parents and wedding party, but on top of all the time and money FI are putting into the wedding we just don’t know that we’re up to planning another party.”  If she’s interested in hosting, that gives her an “in” to offer; if she’s not interested then you haven’t put her on the spot.

Post # 13
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

my dad told me that typically the groom’s family takes care of/pays for the rehearsal dinner…which is why she was probably asking you about it! She *might* be asking you about it, lots of details, because she assumes she’s going to help with it…..but wants you to plan it a little, i dont know….

Post # 14
Member
1702 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

or maybe she wants to pay for it, but she doesn’t want to be the one to make the decisions.  Wants to wait till you have it all planned out and then she’ll foot the bill.

I had my fiance talk to his family about it. ” We were wondering if you were interested in hosting the rehearsal dinner, since that is traditional.”  And we went from there.

The topic ‘Who is “supposed to” host the rehearsal dinner??’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors