Post # 1
I see “finish writing our ceremony” and “write the ceremony” on a lot of to-do lists here on WB, and it got me thinking… how normal is it to write your own ceremony?
We wrote our vows, but we’re letting our officiant talk about whatever he wants – we just told him to keep it brief (I think on the official timeline he has 8 minutes). In fact, three days out from the wedding, and we don’t even know a general idea of what he’ll say. Guess we’ll find out later! 🙂
So, what about you?
Also, I’m curious if there’s a difference between religious and non-religious couples – like if pastors doing weddings are given more freedom, or if people with very particular beliefs are more particular about what is said, etc.
Post # 3
The Anglican church us writing ours 🙂 We will pick readings, but that’s it!
Post # 4
FI and I are Christians (Presbyterian in particular) and our pastor is doing his own thing, but we’re writing our own vows and picking our readings. Other than that, there’s not much to “write” I guess. In our church, prayers are not pre-written, and we both love to hear our pastor speak, so we would rather him write that himself anyway.
I always interpreted “writing the ceremony” as vows, but maybe other couples write more? Interesting thread! I’d love to hear more too!
Post # 5
We’re religious and we’re writing a ceremony, with lots of help from the priest and rabbi. I’m a practicing Catholic, and FI is non-practicing Jewish. We can’t have a Catholic mass, and we’re not going to do a traditional Jewish ceremony either, so we’re creating an interfaith ceremony.
Post # 6
Yeah, I know it’s really common to write your own vows (or partially write your own vows) – but I’ve gotten the distinct impression that some people write a lot more than that! I’ve even seen some whole ceremonies written out and put on the boards (and blog) for review.
I can definitely understand where couples are coming from when they choose to write their own ceremony (part or all), a wedding is such a special time, and I’ve been to a few where the pastor giving the message makes people cringe – I’ve heard pastors abuse their wedding messages to lecture about their views on politics and on homosexuality, I’ve heard them talk about the couple’s sex life, I’ve heard of rambling sermons that drone on for 45 minutes even though the couple asked for a short service… there’s a lot of variables when you ask someone else to speak!
And I can REALLY understand it for non religious couples, since most officiants ARE religious by nature, if you want to keep their religious views out of your ceremony! Or, like holalawyer, mixing two religions into one ceremony. 🙂
Post # 7
you can choose your venue, music and colours, but can you choose your ceremony writer or creator? this is a great question/survey because some couples would not even consider ceremony writing as an option to be decided or selectively chosen.
i suggest a couple considers, researches and determines their ceremony desires AND requirements from various perspectives, including the personal, communal, legal and spiritual. as a not-necessarily-religious officiant, i welcome couples who simply agree to/want to contribute to their ceremony text, let alone write the entire thing. however, sometimes, couples are bound to the content or a particular sequence of events in a ceremony, dependent upon which faith one adheres to… at the same time, there are legal prerequisites, depending on where one lives. some couples have already been married in a civil ceremonoy (i.e. ‘at the courthouse’) so anything goes with regard to their wedding celebration.
don’t forget to consider writing style and content: if you are creating a text to be read or performed by another person, think about what would be comfourtable or appropriate to be coming out of his/her mouth.
Post # 8
I put in that we wrote the ceremony, but actually the FH did the whole thing himself with some tweeking from me. I am really the religous one of us and he incorporated all the readings and prayers that I wanted. We did use the “Hand Ceremony” in our ceremony but we almost completely changed it to reflect us.
Our ceremony is religous while being non-denomination. We are having a priest do the ceremony (very dear old friend since before he was a priest) as we are legally married, and this is our marriage before God. I am not catholic but he is considering it a marriage blessing instead of a wedding so he isn’t breaking church doctrins, but to us it’s our wedding.
Post # 9
@tksjewelry: That’s neat!
I tried to leave the poll ambiguous with the “we” since I know a lot of grooms are into helping plan. Not just the bride’s wedding, afterall. 🙂
Post # 10
We were married by a friend who got ordained online and had no experience with wedding ceremonies. I wrote our ceremony in its entirety, but the vows and ring exchange were not original work – they were pieces taken from other ceremonies I found online. I was really pleased with the results!
Post # 11
We are not religious. Our officiant gave us a few sample ceremonies to look at, and we cut and pasted paragraphs from these different ceremonies together. So we did not write our ceremony, but we did choose what it would say.
Post # 12
I wrote majority of the ceremony, but I plan on going over it with my officiant to see if any changes need to be made
Post # 13
We’re Jewish, and the rabbi took care of the whole ceremony. Vows included. All I had to say was “I do.”
Post # 14
we had a mayor marry us, and we are non-religious. he actually gave us a copy of his generic ceremony so we would know exactly what he planned to say, 7-8 minutes, bare basics, love and marriage yada yada… but he also gave us the freedom to change anything about it, and was very accepting when we told him we didn’t want any religious stuff.
i hope your wedding goes great, but please try to get some specifics out of your officient about what he plans to do. at least make sure that he’s on the same page as you in regards to religious/non-religious ceremony! good luck!
Post # 15
I voted other because we are having two ceremonies. We have already had the first ceremony at city hall and we had nothing to do with the ceremony. We just showed up and the mayor used the same ceremony he does for everyone…but it was actually a very nice little ceremony, so that was fine.
Our “wedding” will be in the Catholic Church, so we will pick our readings and music, but don’t have much say over the ceremony itself, although I do think there are a few places where we have some options.
Post # 16
We did not have a religious wedding. I found different vows online and made our own out of a bunch of them. The ring exchange wording came from the guy who married us. He had some very casual wording that we liked. I found the wording for our hand fasting ceremony, and a couple readings to be read at the beginning and end of the ceremony.