Post # 1
We had our Chinese banquet 2 weeks ago and received a lot of gold and money. FI’s family paid for the whole wedding and it seems they are keeping the bulk of the gift money and may give us some of the it. Is this the way it’s supposed to be? I thought that the money is given to the couple for their new life together. I’ve heard that sometimes the bride’s, groom’s or both families split the money. I’m just confused because I know that the couple gets to keep all the gifts at a western wedding. My parents certainly don’t expect to keep any of the money.
Post # 3
Usually the cash is used to pay off the banquet bill. Relatives/close friends give gold to the bride, and so the bride owns the gold, it’s part of the dowry.
In old days, the parents pay for the banquet, but nowadays most couples pay for the banquet, so it make sense the couple gets the money. Sometimes both parents pay for the banquet, that case, the parents split the money.
Of course, there are times the parents would want to leave money to the couple, so couple gets the $$ 😉
Usually people will dicuss this beforehand (when parents/couples will have an agreement on this during the chinese engagement ceremony, not sure if you have do that)
Hope this helps!
Post # 4
Thanks for the explanation. The money from the guests was enough to pay for our banquet and we just received our share of the gift money which will be useful. I also found this explanation on Wikipedia:
In Chinese society, the wedding reception is known as xÇ-jÇu (å–œé…’, literally joyful wine), and is far more important than the wedding itself which tends to be a brief civil ceremony. The timing and the characteristics of the reception vary strongly from locale to locale. They are often extremely elaborate and expensive, often costing several years’ salary of the groom’s family. However, because cash in the form of red envelopes and jewelry (particularly gold) are given as wedding presents, and because the wedding hosts keep very careful track of the cost of the gifts (jewelry is given with a receipt which indicates the actual cost of the gift), the cost of the reception is effectively split among the wedding guests. Wedding receptions also build local community solidarity. As each couple weds, their wedding reception is in effect financed with gifts from the other members of the community with the expectation that the new couple and their family will give gifts in future wedding receptions within the village.
Post # 5
Usually whoever pays for the banquet should get the money… that’s how it was for all my friends that have gotten married already and that’s what me and FI are planning on doing. We are going to keep all the gifts.
Post # 6
I’m not sure who gets to keep the money received during a Chinese wedding. I think it depends on when the red envelopes were given. If the bride’s parennts requested a dowry and your in-laws give it, it’s money the bride’s parents are able to keep. If money from red envelopes and gold were given during the traditional tea ceremony, I think the bride and groom are allowed to keep that to help start their new life together as husband and wife. The bride is suppose to keep all the gold jewelry as part of her own personal dowry since it symbolizes good luck. If money was given during the evening banquet, that money is usually used to help pay off the banquet bill and anything left-over is kept, shared, or divided at the discrection of the bride and groom with both sets of parents. Hopefully, eveyone can compromise!
Post # 7
According to the Chinese wedding custom and traditions, it’s the bride and groom who should keep the gift money.