Post # 1
I just have to share this: I never in my life thought a damn wedding cake would cause this much drama…
FI’s grandmother’s good friend is a wonderful baker/cake decorator. She has won national contests for her sugar flowers and does a lot of FI’s family’s cakes for big occassions. I’ve seen her cakes- they are very pretty. She no longer does it for a living because she has cancer isn’t doing that great medically, but she will do cakes for FI’s family. Many people in his family have gotten their wedding/birthday cakes from her.
I’ve had her cake two times.. Both FI (who has had her cake lots of times) and I DON’T LIKE IT. It’s dry and has no flavor. She also only does cakes in white or yellow and either raspberry or wildberry filling. His family, though, thinks her cakes are the bee’s knees and the best thing they have ever tasted… ?? FI and I both think they must have had a little rum slipped into the filling of their cake slices…
I was open to having her do our cake in the begining, but I wanted to do a cake tasting first. FI’s grandmother and aunt were thrilled but their version of arranging a cake testing (I was never given the baker’s contact information, grandma wanted to be the go-between) was ordering a cake from her for FI’s younger brother’s birthday and inviting me to the party. It was all the same flavor (what I had had before) and still tasted just as blah.
We decided not to go with this lady for several reasons: 1. No cake tasting. She doesn’t often do flavors other than the ones I’ve already had (and we didn’t like those) so we needed to taste other samples of her work before we booked her. FI’s grandmother said this wasn’t an option if we wouldn’t go ahead and commit to this lady doing our cake. 2. She admits to not being good with fondant and FI and I really wanted either a fondant cake or one that had some fondant accents. (Here was our inspiration: http://www.flickr.com/photos/boisecakewalk/4060406904/) 3. The poor woman is very ill and has cancer. Why on earth would I put her through extra stress? 4. No one would tell us her price and none of FI’s family members were offering to pay for it.
FI’s grandmother and aunt treats this lady’s cake as some sort of vital component to their major celebrations, so not having her do our wedding cake is akin to saying we decided to forgo traditional vows in lieu of some interpretative dancing. Seriously. A comment is made about this cake and how much they are going to miss having it during every. single. family. dinner. Also every time they see me or FI talks with them about the wedding. >.< Now there’s talk about how the wedding is “just about us,” and that we should think of our guests while making decisions. My momma is a guest and she thought the cake was gross too, so it’s not just me and FI!
GRRRRRRR. A cake is not that big of a deal!!! Why can’t they just let it go?? If I had none it was going to be this big of a deal we would have just sucked it up and went with this lady’s blah cake in a design we didn’t want, just to get his family off of our backs!!
Post # 3
If they’re not offering to pay for it, they’ve got absolutely no say in who you hire to do your cake. I’d just tell them that if it means that much to them and they’re willing to pay for the cake, you’d love to have it. Otherwise, you’re going to go with the vendor of your choice and leave it at that. They won’t like it, but you honestly can’t please everyone, you know?
Post # 4
Our WWIII was started by a limo, so I feel your pain.
Okay, I know you aren’t goint to WANT to do this, but if you wanted to throw them a bone, you COULD ask bad baker lady to make a small groom’s cake…then they’d be happier and you could perhaps stop hearing about it (but, you’d have a dry groom’s cake). I also think it’s fine NOT to compromise in this situation, but if you really wanted to be a peacemaker you could do this. Or, could she make a crappy cake for the rehearsal dinner? (we have a bad baker aunt, and that’s what we are doing to appease her).
Post # 5
I was also going to suggest maybe have her do a smaller side cake that will hopefully be on the cheaper end just to appease family.
It’s tough b/c there are sooooo many opinions coming out you, but if they are making it that big of a deal maybe it would be worth it.
Post # 6
“so not having her do our wedding cake is akin to saying we decided to forgo traditional vows in lue of some interpretative dancing”
LOL. That’s nuts though… I can only echo the above sentiments, if they want the dry cake so damn bad, they’re welcome to get your FH a gross groom’s cake!
Post # 7
have her do a groom’s cake….since it’s your FI’s family….she might want to “contribute” to something for him??? It’s amazing what people get upset over, isn’t it?
Post # 8
“Now there’s talk about how the wedding is ‘just about us’.”
Um yea, cause it’s YOUR wedding. You make the decisions about what you want and if you don’t want a cake that you don’t like at your wedding you shouldn’t feel pressured. I would not spend hundreds of dollars on a cake that I hate, what a waste.
It amazes me how much some families try to control every aspect of someone else’s wedding. I say do your thing and don’t worry about it! 🙂
Post # 9
Yes, it always seems to be the smallest of things that upset the apple cart (fonts used on the wedding invites, trying to use an out of season flower in my bouquet and hair stylists for me!). I would be upset too if someone was forcing dry blah cake on me. And like you say, the poor woman is very ill – does she really want to make your wedding cake or does she just feel obliged to?
Your FI needs to take the flak on this one as it’s his side of the family. I’d be honest and say whilst your amazed by her icing skillz, the flavour just isn’t what you’re after and you feel bad for making an ill woman spend hours working on a cake!
Post # 10
Some people really surprise me. If I were you I wouldn’t back down.
MIL and I had a HUGE fight over our cake…and even tough she told me I’d get what I wanted, she went behind my back and did what she wanted instead…now I hate looking at pictures of the cake.
You don’t want to look back and regret doing something just so you could make them all happy. I agree with the pp’s….ask it she would “contribute” or donate” a Groom’s cake or rehearsal dinner cake. Why should you pay an unkown amount for something you hate?
Post # 11
My WWIII was over inviting someone I didn’t know that lived on a different continent that I didn;t know my cousin was still dating. Weddings bring out the worst in people!
My advice: do what you want anyway. You’re not going to please everyone, so you may as well please yourself.
Post # 12
If they’re not offering to pay for the cake, then they have no say. it’s our decision and if you’re dead set against hiring the baker then pick a different one! Ou might regret it if you didn’t have your delicious dream cake later on. Do what ever you and your FI want. It IS all about YOU.
Post # 13
I do understand your frustration, and do find it a bit odd that she would charge you for the cake (at first I thought it would be a gift from her) however, sometimes I think you have to pick your battles. Maybe you should see if a grooms cake would appease his family. Yes, a wedding is about the couple, but it can be also about bringing families together. If this is really causing such a huge fight, a compromise might be worth it in the long run.
Also maybe you should just talk to the grandmother face to face. You could say that you worry that the cake would cause a lot of stress for her, and that it’s important to her health that she remain calm and relaxed. Then if she really wants to do a cake, suggest the groom’s cake to her.
Post # 14
I think having a grooms cake made by her is the perfect solution if it’s in the budget. If not, perhaps his family would like to provide one 🙂
Post # 15
Since her sugar flowers are so good and it is so important to your FI family, maybe you could ask her to make the flower decorations from the cake you liked and have another baker make the rest of the cake. You can explain that you don’t want to put the stress of baking an entire cake on her and just emphasize how beautiful her work is while skipping over the whole issue of taste. Best of luck!
Post # 16
wow, i read this a bit quickly at first and so the whole time i was reading, i thought it was about your FIs grandmother doing the cake! so i thought, well that a tough to say no to! but when i realized i read wrong, scrolled up and saw it was about her FRIEND, that changes everything! you should definitely NOT feel pressured. and i agree that IF his family wants to pay for it, then maybe get a grooms’s cake (although grooms cake is something i never heard of until a few weeks and i find it a weird concept altogether!). but it would be a small concession to make. don’t budge on your actual wedding cake. they will get over it at some point and when they taste and see some other amazing cake at your wedding, maybe they will keep their mouth shut from then on!