Who knew being easy going could be so hard….

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Aww, that’s so sweet, both you and your BMs.

Here’s the thing though – you have to set boundaries.  Pick one designer and fabric and let them pick.  I think asking them to pick the designer and then the dress is a bit much for all involved and I think it’s expected that you’re going to weigh in.

Maybe you can handle it by saying “I think this silk chiffon fabric by JCrew will photograph the best so that’s the fabric and color I would like.  Please pick a style that you like the most.”  That way you give them guidance, but it still looks cohesive and they still get to pick.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@MsGinkgo:  Omg, I was in the same boat. My main concern was my girls being happy. I told them I wanted an eggplant/aburgine color dress. I didn’t mind if it was long or short – just that all three had the same general length. I also wanted them to have the same fabric to keep the colors as close as possible.

Well, they all hated me for it! They begged for me just to tell them what to wear, and they all wanted the same thing. So I went dress shopping with two of them, and I gave my opinions on how certain dresses looked on them, and they expressed which ones they hated and loved more.

So ultimately they did do the final choosing, but they had my opinion on all the dresses, and they refused to pick something without it!

So perhaps you just need to give in and do this — if they want to be more traditional bridesmaids, just go shopping with them like it was any other outfit and tell them if something looks extra flattering or especially ill-fitting. In the end they’ll pick a dress they are all happy with, as well as one you complimented (even though I know like me you don’t care as long as they’re happy).

Post # 5
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My bridesmaid did this exactly. They wouldn’t even give me a price range when I knew for 2 out of 4 of them were very much poor college students.

My advice? Find a designer you like (JCrew is usually popular) and send them the website. Even still though you might get some resistance. I ended up picking out and ordering my sisters dress for her. I also had one bridesmaid who was very resistant to buying anything online so I ended up going shopping with her to pick hers out. 

It seems like simple requests I know, but apparently this is actaully a common problem

Post # 6
Member
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Same thing happened to me and my girls. I gave them 2 colour options and told them all to go buy whatever they wanted from whatever store they like. Well they wanted to do a group shopping trip at a bridal salon and all picked the same dress. They said having free range was too stressful for them because they would have felt like their dresses needed to match eachother and would take so long. 

I think you should choose the designer/fabric and let them choose  style they like from there. If they still end up with the same dress then that is ok. If they are just going with the flow, then they are great friends for trying their best to make you happy!

Post # 7
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MsGinkgo:  I did the same thing with my BMs (let them pick their own dress/shoes) and they had no problem doing it.  Once I told them I didn’t need to see the dress until the wedding day, it wasn’t an issue at all.  However, I didn’t require a specific designer or material, so maybe that made it easier?

Post # 8
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Aww, this happened to me. I told my bridesmaids to get a blush pink dress, any dress. They had no idea what to do–they just wanted to make me happy. I finally just said, “Okay, here are chiffon dresses from Dressilyme. We’re choosing x color. Pick a dress.” There was still some hemming and hawing because they couldn’t try on dresses, so I did my best. My MOH knew what she wanted right away, SIL chose pretty quickly, my cousin went to a couple of bridal shops armed with style numbers of the photos from Dressilyme, and I took my other BM to David’s Bridal to look at silhouettes. Surprisingly, what she didn’t really want looked amazing on her (strapless, flowy). They kept not believing that I didn’t want them all in the same style. I kept telling them, “Look, I don’t like the look of everyone in the same dress. Not to mention not one of you has the same body type, so why would I shove you all in the same dress? MOH wants a one-shoulder, BM S wants long, BM A wants cheap, and BM K wants whatever looks good. Just get whatever!”

Post # 9
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Oh, another thing. It should get easier once the first dress is bought. Let your other girls know what the dress looks like and they’ll (probably) cue off it’s style. 

Post # 11
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Maybe I’ll just send out a note that I want them to go with…

@MsGinkgo:  I think maybe your girls are getting mixed messages.  On one hand you’re giving them guidelines/requirements, but you’re saying they can pick/it’s their choice.  I’m guessing your girls might think the dresses mean more to you than they really do.  Of course, this is just speculation as to why they’re having such a difficult time.  Hopefully they will all come to a decision soon.

Post # 12
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@MsGinkgo:  Ah, being spread apart is tough.

I say go the direction you’re thinking. They obviously need a little more guidance. Just keep assuring yourself that they actually want your input and they are happy with it. Frustrating though when you thought it would be much more painless!

Post # 14
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MsGinkgo:  Maybe I’ll just send out a note that I want them to go with the Alfred Sung Dupioni and they should all pick a dress they like, and they will all be just above the knee?  (The girls range from 5’2 to 5’10)

That should be clear enough instruction, but make them feel like they’ve got flexibility 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MsGinkgo:  Honestly, I’m not sure why they’re having such a hard time picking.  I would think that doing what you did would make it easy, so I’m just guessing as to what is stalling their decision.

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