Post # 1
I am searching for a bit of etiquette advice. My FMIL and I have not started out on the best of terms (she is one who feels no one is right for her son, has lied about me to others several times and overall is just very dramatic).
She lives in Florida, while we live in the Midwest and throughout our entire 3+ year relationship she has never made an effort to come up to visit us or meet my family, etc. We have always had to make our way down to Florida to visit. Our wedding weekend will be the first time she has ever been up to visit us and meet my family.
I was just told that she has booked her flight and is flying in the Thursday before our wedding (which is great) but her flight home is leaving at 10 a.m. the morning after our wedding. (Pricing was not an issue – in fact flights that left later in the day were in fact cheaper) I know her expectations will be to see us/say goodbye the morning she leaves, which is just not reasonable to me. I really would like to avoid waking up at 7 am to say goodbye after one of the busiest days of our lives. I’d love to just have a relaxing morning with my new husband without catering to her demands.
We were also thinking of doing a farewell brunch later in the morning, and now I feel that she will be upset that our plans will exclude her. I want to just say screw it, and still plan our brunch and ignore her feelings, but I don’t want to cause unnecessary drama. Does anyone have advice on how to manage her expectations and not cause drama around the brunch?
Post # 2
LittleSassLotsofClass: I would go ahead and still have the brunch. You can’t make your plans around her! It she really will be offended that you’re having a brunch, you can always politely suggest that she change her ticket.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
She chose to leave so early in the morning. Make your brunch plans, that isn’t unreasonable.
Post # 4
Mention to her that you’re planning a brunch so she can change her flight if she wishes. If she doesn’t, then it’s on her. I wouldn’t plan it without telling her, though, because then there will be some (understandably so) hurt feelings.
As for waking up to say goodbye, honestly, it’s not the end of the world. You spend five minutes, say goodbye, and go back to bed. We had a brunch after our wedding, and were up at seven am the next morning to get to the location and get it set up . It’s very doable!
Post # 5
I would just wish her a good night and safe flight at the wedding. You should tell her about the brunch so she could make the decision to change her flight, but if she chooses not to, then you’re good to go.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
It was quite thoughtless of her to make those plans and she’ll have to deal with the consequences of her thoughtlessness. I wouldn’t give it another thought, personally. You have other guests to deal with, not to mention your first morning as a married couple!!!
Perhaps your FI could gently mention that “in case she didn’t realize it,” her plans make it impossible for you to even see her that morning…. But seriously, what was she thinking!?
Post # 7
Thank you all for your suggestions! I’m glad to hear, I’m not crazy for being upset that she didn’t bother to check on plans before booking her early return flight! Haha
I think we will still go ahead with our brunch and mention it to her, and see what she chooses to do. It just annoyed me that it took 3 years for her to make it here to visit, and she can’t be bothered to stay more than 3 days. Oh well!
Post # 8
If her son chooses to get up early and give her one last good bye hug don’t begrudge him. Certainly you don’t have to though.
I can understand taking an early flight. More time to get back to your home and relax for the rest of the day.
Post # 9
Say goodbye to her at the wedding and have your brunch as planned. She may be the center of HER universe, but that doesn’t mean she’s the center of yours. Will she bitch and moan about it? Likely. But from what you’ve said, if not this, then she’ll find something else to complain about.
Post # 10
Say goodbye to her the night before, have your brunch the next day, and don’t get upset with your husband if HE decides to wake up at 7 to say goodbye to his mom though.
Post # 11
MariContrary: haha such a good way to say it! She expects us to act on her wishes and have everything revolve around her so things can be convenient for her. But I kind of refuse to go out of my way to make things more convenient for her on our wedding weekend. Honestly, I feel that should be the least of my concerns.
in the past she has blatantly disrespected me, rolling her eyes at me, refusing to listen bc I wouldn’t succumb to her crazy demands. So maybe it’s a blessing in disguise she leaves sooner rather than later.
Post # 12
LittleSassLotsofClass: There’s no reason her travel plans should prevent you from having your brunch. I would make it clear that she is invited to the brunch, should she decide to change her travel plans.
As for getting up early to say goodbye to her, is it really the end of the world if you have to shuffle out of bed for a minute? She hasn’t even said anything about it yet. I don’t think it’s worth worrying about.
Post # 13
Have your brunch! Just mention it to her and she can change her flight if she wants to. And I wouldn’t be keen on waking up to see her either – just make sure you say goodbye at the wedding!