Sometimes, I am quite surprised that certain people get married. It makes no sense to me. I look at them and understand why the divorce rate is 50%.
For instance, I attended a wedding in July, and the marriage is doomed. Here's why:
That's just the stuff I know about. Who knows what other problems they've had. He is 30, and she is 23. They have been together since he was 21, and she was 15.
After the ceremony, her sister sighed and said, "Damn. My sister is gonna be divorced before she's 30..."
My really good friend has been married 2 years since May....before they got married (they were together for like 7 years from highschool) she would always call me crying sayin he yelled at her that she didn't go to the gym, but when she would try to go to the gym, he would be psycho and say to not go because there are guys there.
Fast forward to her bach party (we were not friends at this time) her own maid of honor told her she should not marry him and she was making a big mistake.
Well she married him, and till this day she regrets it, she has a child with him from before they married, and she's miserable and cheats on him and talks to other guys because he is not the man she wanted!
Mind you, he cheated on her while she was pregnant, also again when they got engaged......but he is possessive.
She's 98% ready to finally legally seperate....she no longer has anything intimate with him, though they live together....she has asked him to leave, but he won't. and he knows he doesn't have to by NY law.
He is apparently looking for a place...
Oh and one time she tried to leave, and he stormed out, and showed her a bullet and said, see this kristen...i'm putting your name on it and i will kill myself.
My first marriage was doomed before it started. Hindsight and all that...
@bunnyharriet: IDK why anyone would let this wedding take place. I am dumbfounded.
For me, it would be my parents (LOL) who lasted 17 years, but the reasons my mom divorced my dad were issues since before they got married- that he was not affectionate, didn't make her feel special, they didn't have compatible views on money, and that my dad's mom didn't like her.
I can think of one new-ish marriage in our circle that will not go the distance. he cheated on her repeatedly while they were dating and engaged. It's only a matter of time before he walks out on her and the kids.
A friend of mine is like this, although she hasn't gotten married yet. She's kind of a serial fiance... she was engaged to her first guy 3 times and set one date, but it fell through. Now her current bf and her have been engaged 3 times again! Have set 2 dates, and was less than a month away from her last wedding when they canceled it. They have broken up numerous times, she's said it's over, etc. but they always get back together. The wedding was cancelled because they got in a screaming/throwing fight the night after their bachelor/bachelorette parties!! His brothers refused to be in the wedding and called his parents and told them to cancel their trip back for the wedding. She re-set a date for May but that has been called off too, so it's all up in the air. I feel bad for her going through all of this, but when is enough enough??!! *she does have a child with first fiance, and 2nd fiance* I don't think she should should actually ever go through with it with this guy (not that he's a bad guy, they're just obviously not meant for each other!) I also don't think she really WANTS to get married but is going through the motions. The cake topper for her shower was of the bride running away/groom stepping on the dress, and it fits her perfectly! :(
I have been to one wedding... they split up two weeks later. Another is a current couple, she got pregnant so they got married, they have since had a second child but all they do is fight and I know he cheats... it is doomed I am sure of it. Unfortunatly she is young and basically has to depend on him for money, so I think that is why she stays.
I didn't vote because there is no option for "Yes and they are getting divorced"
My best friend and her boyfriend had been dating for about three years when she got pregnant. He had been pretty adamant about the fact that he never wanted kids, but they had apparently never really dicussed this with each other. My friend was so excited that he decided to try it out and stick around. They got married when their son was about 5 months old and it went downhill from there. Best friend's husband came to realize that he didn't want children and did not enjoy being a parent, he didn't enjoy the fact that his wife wasn't his wife anymore but just the mother of his son and she never wanted to spend time with him. They stopped having sex because she wanted the baby to sleep in the bed with them, they fought about the way they should parent (he got mad at her because she didn't believe in discipline of any kind and he did) and it just got worse and worse. They split up several times over the course of their two year marriage, they did nothing but fight with each other, they would usually go weeks without talking to each other, there was no communication...They got married for their son, but it never should have happened. They were two different people. She was ready to settle down and be a parent, he'd been married and divorced once before and just wanted a girlfriend and one day a wife, but not for a long time and definitely no children.
She filed for divorce four months ago.
My ex-boyfriend who is now married with 2 kids has the "grass is greener" syndrome. i.e. he broke up with her several times; kept tabs on his exes (incl. me); and, tried cheating on her several times. He only married his wife because they've been together since h.s. They might survive but I don't think they'll be happy.
I've known a few in the past, but they're already divorced by now.
Sadly, yes.
My DH's parents should never have married each other. They hated each other before the wedding and hate each other to this day, but remain married (I can only assume they remain married so they can continue to torture one another). They sleep in different rooms, curse at each other, threaten each other's lives....it is HORRIBLE. I am so uncomfortable with how they relate to one another that if they start arguing I now get up and leave the room. DH and I told them we can no longer spend nights at their house during visits because we refuse to be part of it, and if they can't control themselves by the time we have kids, they won't be seeing them.
My first college roommate. She married her HS boyfriend within a week of graduating college...they are both nice people, they are both GOOD people. But it was clear to everyone but them that they were not right for each other. They broke up several time over 6 years. They had different ideas about her career. They had different ideas on parenting/child care. They had different levels of "traditionalism." I don't think they shared any interests really aside from they both were really involved in a youth group they met through. They were divorced within a year. I really believe both of them can go on to have fantastic marriages with other people (indeed, her new boyfriend is fantastic, she just had to move across an ocean to get over Mr. Wrong).
Oh, and my SIL. She's not yet engaged but I'm sure they will get married. And maaaaybe they'll stay married. And they will keep on being miserable.
My FI's friends all tried to talk him out of marrying his ex-wife, but he did it anyway. It didn't work out. They stayed married for nine years and had a kid together first though.
Two of my friends (two couples) who I thought their marriage was a mistake (along with other friends) ended in divorce after 3-4 years of misery together a long time ago. DH has a friend who just got married a year ago and everyone was talking about how long that one will last. We'll see!
i've known quite a few. all have ended in divorce or annulment.
currently? i only know of one couple. but i have made it a point not to care anymore.
Yes, I know a couple like this. Then they had a kid because they thought it would fix things between them. Worst reason ever to have a kid and it only made things worse between them. So what do they do? Decide they need a second child and are trying again. I feel so horrible for them because they are miserable and feel bad for their poor child. He's already threatened to file for divorce once and I see it going this way. So sad for them!
Yup, I know several couples that never should have gotten married. But some of them will also never get divorced.
@bunnyharriet: How did anyone let that happen?! haha
And yes, I know a few. One couple had broken up, but then only got married because they found out she was pregnant. Yeah...I don't think a baby will fix whatever was wrong! They are getting divorced
And another, I was a little leary of it...they were actually going through the process of divorce (1 year after the wedding) and are now trying to make it work instead. So we'll see how that goes! Hope it works out for them though.
Now, I also know people in relationships that just can't seem to realize that this isn't the relationship for them, they just can't let go. Even though EVERYONE else can see it! I mean, all I ever heard was complaining and bitching about the SO. THE ONLY THING!! How is that a way to go through life?? I'd rather be single, thanks.
I called a divorce while I was still at the wedding. The wife wanted to do some crazy partying at the wedding; dancing on tables, really drunk, etc... The husband made a comment that he hoped she was ready to settle down and have a baby.
The wife locked him out of the house within a few months after the wedding. She said he was a stick in the mud and that she was young and wanted to party not settle down and have kids.
I have a really good friend that's been married for over 10 years. They fight all the time (when they're speaking). However, they have constructed a facade that indicates that they're as happy as can be. Only those of use close to them know what a doomed relationship they really have and they won't divorce because they don't "believe" in it.
Neither of them grew up with parents that had healthy relationships so I can only imagine that they're kids will have messed up relationships also. It's really depressing. :(
Wanted to add that they have nothing in common. She has tried to get him to go to counseling but he refuses. She's worried about what they'll do once their common thread (the kids) are grown and gone.
I know a couple who got pregnant a few months in and then married. Now, I can see where they thought they were doing the right thing, and I'm not in a position to judge their actions with criticism but it is already a struggle for them. The father has chronic depression and is in the military and has a whole load of issues that need to be worked out but he gets dangerously distant. They recently found out their baby has leukemia and it has torn their marriage to pieces. It's really sad to watch two of your friends go through that. He's going to a couples' group at our church trying to see if he can salvage what's left though.
Her mother and sister tried to talk her out of it, but she stubbornly insisted it was a good idea. My SO, who was the best man, thinks they were both not about to back out so close to the wedding when so much money had been spent by their families. I think they got married because the groom is 30, balding, and felt he should be married by that age, and I think she married him because he asked her, and she wanted to be a "wife" rather than girlfriend...but I can't think of any other reason.
I feel like the proposal was like an apology on his part, since they had been broken up a few months previously because she dound out he had that quickie at the party, and spends lots of time at strip clubs, and she found texts from him to girls he had slept with before her. He was trying to meet up with these girls.
She didn't change her last name, and she doesn't plan to. i think she knows in her heart that it won't last. A picture was snapped after they exited the church after just getting married. She had a fake smile on her face. She hardly smiled the whole wedding night until she got drunk, and was dancing with her friends.
My SO thinks the marriage will last a couple years. I guessed 6 years. At least the wedding was a blast!
Sadly, I know a couple of couples like this, and another one who desperately wants to get married (well, the woman does)
*sigh*
I knew one couple that was just crazy. He and she were good friends and had known each other since childhood, but he had moved and they had only kept in touch over the phone and via email for a few years. She was a lesbian, and he thought he might be gay. However, they thought they might be sexually attracted to each other, even though they each usually preferred the same sex. Anyway, she got a grant to move to England and wanted to bring him, so they had to get married so he could also get a visa.
Not long before the wedding, it turned out that he was still best friends with the guy who raped the girl eight years before, and he wanted the rapist to be at the wedding. Yes, the groom here knew the rape had happened and that the guy was convicted.
She saw him in person for the first time in years just a few days before the wedding. They fought the whole time beforehand over whether or not her rapist would be allowed at the incredibly small, intimate wedding (less than ten people). Then the groom-to-be announced that he had been sleeping with said rapist.
...And they got married anyway. They tried being a normal couple with normal sexual habits. He decided he was probably just bi and was okay with being married to a woman. In turn, she announced that his penis disgusted her. She started throwing up whenever he tried to have sex with her because it reminded her of when her dad molested her as a child. He frequently invited her rapist over to their apartment.
They separated just a few months later, before they even left for England. He refused to sign the divorce papers for several years, though. They now hate each other with a passion.
I like the girl. She's brilliant and has lots of really awesome qualities, and it is absolutely amazing that she's accomplished what she has despite the cesspool of awful she was raised in... But I have no idea what the frack she was thinking when she decided that whole fiasco was a good idea.
@GreenEyedMoon: 
That is beyond bizarre! So strange, and crazy! WTF was she thinking? I wouldn't have married him after he asked if the rapist could attend the wedding. Uh no! Is he nuts?
I just thought of two more marriages, and they were both my stepmothers.
Her first marriage was to a guy who pretended to be something he wasn't. They had a whirlwind romance and married a few months after meeting. He was so nice, romantic, and just swept her off her feet. They got on the airplance to head to the honeymoon after their huge, expensive wedding his family threw, and he changed instantly. He became a controlling, asshole and was nothing like she thought he was. He told her his father wouldn't allow himt o take over the family business until he was married and he chose my stepmother because his mother said she looked like Princess Diana, and he should marry her. My stepmother was embarrassed and depressed. She filed for divorce shortly after their 1st anniversary. She wanted to do it sooner but figured divorcing sooner than a year would make her look stupid.
Her second marriage was to a man she had been with for years, and loved a lot. They had a great relationship. A few weeks before the wedding, he got into an accident (I believe a skiing accident or car accident) and became a paraplegic. She married him anyway because she was afraid of what people would think if she backed out just became he became paralyzed.
He regained the use of his hands, just barely, but was still completely reliant on her. He became an abusive alcoholic and she was his caregiver. She stayed in the marriage for 10 years before filing for divorce.
@GreenEyedMoon: Holy crap.
My parents got divorced when I was four, but they definitely should never have been married. My dad basically wanted to be married for the security but still have the freedom to see other women, which did not fly with my mom. I love my dad to death, but I don't think he's been monogamous in any of his relationships (which is not okay when the other party is led to believe that the relationship is exclusive). It's sad... I really like his current girlfriend, and they actually live together (big step for dad!) but I know for a fact he still sees other women.
Yeah, my FFIL and my FMIL. He is so abusive to her and was to her children and he's an alcoholic. She had a kid before they got married (my FSIL) and before she decided to marry him he abused her HORRIBLY and my FMIL still pushed him to marry her.
They're still together after 30 years. The only reason I am glad they got married, obviously, is because my FI was a product of it. The other two children they had together are messed up... the youngest especially so. We believe she is a demon baby (who is now and adult) that they were given because of their bad karma... now she abuses both of them verbally and emotionally and mooches.
Its a shame when you see these toxic couples and they never split up! I don't think they can do this for the rest of their lives... just both of them are cowards. =/ Which seems to be the case most of the time...
Yup! FH's best friend and his wife. They were each other's first love, they lost their virginity to each other, etc. She is FLIPPIN' WEIRD. All throughout their relationship she was OBSESSED with him. Could not go anywhere without him and vice versa. She's extremely moody, RUDE, and her logic is all sorts of fu**ed up, yet she claims to be a genius.
Now that they have a child she is obsessed with the child. It's HER baby. The poor child cannot be left alone because she always needs to be holding him, even when he's asleep and they're "trying to sleep train". I'm not even going to go into the co-sleeping........I understand people will do it, for their own reasons, but when your husband is sleeping downstairs on the couch while you and your BABY take up an entire bed, your marriage is bound to fail.
BUT, I'm not certain it will fail because he is a person who settles. He never wanted kids and she knew this, but she had given him an ultimatum. If you don't want kids, then leave me. He never did. She stopped taking her BC without his knowledge and he was NOT so happy when she announced her pregnancy.
He could do so much better. He is a fantastic guy, great provider, and she is ungrateful, she has NO life, NO friends, and no regards to anyone else besides her and her child.
My parents. Not that I'm complaining that they did get married, if they hadnt I might not have been born. But they've never gotten along and when I was a kid it was just constant arguing and fighting. They've been divorced since I was 12.
Hmmm let's see. My SIL for one. She's been with her DH for 15 years, married two. While they were dating, they broke up several times -- he cheated a lot & she ended up marrying his friend. They got back together. They separated. She married another guy. They got back together and 2 years ago they got married.
The cops tased their dog like 6 years ago during a domestic disputer btw them. Since then I know for a fact she's pulled a gun on him during an argument. & since they got married... what else... OH, well there was that whole ordeal when she started sleeping with her boss. His response was to buy her a 14k ring. And then about 2 months later when they were getting drunk together & she was complaining about his sister, so he drove his wife to his sister's house to whoop his sister's ass. There's now a pending A&B charge which the husband is willing to lie about.
Despite all the dysfunction, I am really worried someone will end up getting seriously hurt between the two. I like them as separate people -- but together they bring out the worst in each other. I just don't think they know how to be apart.
My friend's friend (I don't say we are friends because I dislike this girl) is marrying my FI's friend in Two days at a destination wedding. I have ranted about them before, but basically we all know this is a doomed marriage, but they will probably stick it out until they hate each other. They are only getting married because she wants kids and he doesn't want them out of wedlock. What the what?!?! Yeah.
He lies, watches porn, and does drugs behind her back because he knows she will blow up at him if she knew and he wants to do what he wants and doesn't care about her feelings. It is a mess and they are always fighting whenever they are out with our friends. I can't stand being aroudn them, and she alienates all he FI's friends. My FI and I are considered the bad apples according to her because she says we "make him" do things she doesn't like. Um, he is a grown ass man. We don't make him do anything!
Good luck to them, but I am glad I am not at the wedding, because I don't think I could keep my mouth shut when they ask for objections.
ETA: My Fi was at his Bachlor party and said NONE of the guys gave him congrats or said anything positive about his relationship or talked about their happy future. The weekend was about forgetting he was with her basically. Oh dear.
My dad and his first wife. She cheated on him AND aborted their baby without telling him. She was totally crazy. My mom is so much better :)
My mom and dad never should have gotten married. There were red flags absolutely everywhere, and my mom married him out of insecurity and desperation. He didn't treat her well and has some serious issues. I predicted their divorce (more like I was praying for it) when I was in grade school. After a separation when I was 13, and getting back together when I was 14 or 15, (which was nuts), they finally divorced when I was 18.
My dad and his 2nd wife should have just stayed BF and GF. My dad ran around on my mom while they were still married (their marriage lasted 20 years), and guess what? He's doing the same thing to 2nd wife now. Needless to say, I can't stand the woman, although I love my father.
She called me one day years ago to complain (and cry) that she thought he may be cheating on her. So then they get married (he did this to shut her up because obviously, he doesn't take marriage seriously), and I run into his other um, liasions, from time to time, since we all live in the same metropolitan area. They know he's my dad because I have a very unique last name and look just like him,
One of them even tried to sell me some printed material (she was cold-calling on my office), and told me all about my father. I would laugh about this being poetic justice, if it weren't just so darn pathetic. I mean, 2nd wife knew what he was when she married him! Now she's complaining? I can't wait till my wedding (in 2 weeks, thank you very much), when my name becomes Mrs. Jones. Then, I can go incognito and get away from this crap! 
Oh ya - I know three couples who I feel are very doomed. In one - she is not married yet - or engaged but they fight ALL the time - at least ONCE per day - and a full blow out every month to the point where she is certain she is moving out, but is on a state run care plan, and is currently pursuing IVF treatments (ON OUR TAX PAYER DOLLARS!!!!) I am floored and question our friendship a lot. She is an emotional vampire to a lot of people, not just myself. I know so much information - and am curious WHO her Dr. is??? I wish the preceeding Dr. could be well informed to know how crazy this potential IVF procedure is.
The other 2, met - got engaged quickly, had to get brand new vehicles, new homes, go into massive amounts of debt, the one couple has 2 children under the age of 3, and continue to accumulate a lot of debt. And the other couple had the husband convert religions to a very strict Catholic sect. - not sure how this marriage will turn out. Both women have TIMELINES. I wonder if they have a timeline for divorce ready - I feel they will need it.
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