(Closed) Who looks bad?

posted 7 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
14503 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think it is very reasonable to expect a pretty accurate accounting of the invited.  To invite people to a wedding that is not their own is just plain rude, and would be even ruder to show up without a written invitation.  I would do as you plan, set out place cards (escort cards) then if there are extras that show up it will be up to them to take care of it. 

You do not look like a bridezilla for keeping yourself within what you can afford.

Post # 5
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you need to casually mention to your FMIL that you are so excited with how well your seating chart has worked out, there is exactly enough seats for everyone and they fit so well at the tables, no empty chairs to make the room look empty! And how excited you are about the escort cards you’re making, and how much you’re looking forward to everyone having their seat, etc.

Might clue her in to the fact that her friends won’t have a place to sit before it happens.

Post # 6
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Aren’t you going to send out invitations? Why would anyone show up to a wedding they didn’t receive an invitation to?

Post # 7
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@ddw: has the right approach! I agree totally!

Post # 8
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

For some reason it seems like some FIL’s dont understand the word budget and that space/ money is limited. I would do what you are thinking (escort cards) and when they dont have an a place no one will be looking at you they will be looking at FMIL because SHE is the one who invited them not you.

I don’t know if you want these people there or not but would it be an option to tell FMIL that you are more than happy to invited people she wants if she is willing to pay for their meals.

Post # 9
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Well, assuming you’re having this somewhere and it will be catered, you will need an accurate head count a couple weeks before the wedding anyway. At that point, if it’s way higher than you were expecting, talk to your MIL about it and explain to her that you were not expecting these additional guests, and (if you can swing it) that you’d like to accommodate them, but will need her help covering the additional expense.

Post # 11
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would say you and FH need to sit down and have a flat out not beating around the bush conversation about your budget, your guest list etc.  Explain to her that due to limited finances it is what it is… that you arent trying to disrespect anyone, but it has to be strict.  Explain to her your seating chart escort cards etc.  (to make it clear youll notice if someone tried to slip in the back door).  But tiptoeing around the situation may not make it better…  Good luck

Post # 12
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree with eseds. And if anything, I think this conversation needs to be led by your FI. This is his family and there should be NO QUESTION that the guest list is up to you and your FI because your resources are extremely limited. As you mentioned, they don’t have malicious intent, they just don’t quite get it. So they need to be told, calmly and lovingly, that they aren’t going to be the ones doing the inviting.

Post # 13
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

it looks extremely bad on your FMIL already that she’s inviting people to a wedding she’s not even helping to pay for, regardless whether they show up or not.  wow.  i really feel for you.  my advice is to stick to your guns, after all it’s your money and your wedding.  i’m not a big fan of “ettiquette” but this is just wrong.

Post # 14
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

My biggest fear with having just enough chairs is if uninvited guests arrive before invited guests and just casually take someone’s chair — then your real guests won’t have a seat!

I think you still may want to consider a contingency plan (whether that’s casual security to only let in invited guests, extra chairs in a closet that can be pulled out only at your word, or something)

The topic ‘Who looks bad?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors