(Closed) Who pays? – Confused :S!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1993

I’m in the UK!

I’ve bought everything for my girls:

– dress

– shoes

– trainers (for the reception)

– jewellery

– (will probably pay for hair and makeup on day)

– shawl/wrap

– plus their gifts

In the UK, IMO, the bridesmaids NEVER pay for their dresses. I never have and I’ve been a BM twice here. None of my friends have ever had to pay either.

Hope this helps. It’s an expensive business, but seen as I’m getting married in NY and they have to pay for flights/hotels etc, it’s a small dent in the grand scheme!

Post # 4
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

In American, traditionally the attendants pay for their attire.

Post # 6
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@rdownie1:  Worry not, fellow Brit!

Etiquette is _much_ more relaxed over here and it depends a lot on what you want your Bridesmaids to do.  If you have a uniform frock which you expect them all to wear, then it’s more conventional that you pay.  If you just specify a colour scheme and let them pick what they want, then it’s not a problem to ask them to pay.   It sounds like you’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty in making your bridesmaids feel special and to be honest, you can ask them to pay in either senario over here – it’s not a massive faux pas.  But seriously, most would only grouse about it if you were super-prescriptive. 

It also sounds like your Bridesmaids are all just pleased to be involved in your big day!  It’s great to have such good friends.

Post # 7
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1993

As you are paying for their flights etc then I suspect you’re in the clear!

Also, as purpleiris said, if you are just giving them a general colour scheme and not a specific dress you’ll probably get away with it.

Right. Have you thought of a colour? There are some sales on at the mo and some great highstreet dresses about. (Coast, KM etc). What about budget?

 

Post # 8
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@rdownie1:  P.S. You could always just ask them if they mind…  Bear in mind that if they paying and are running options by you, you shouldn’t complain unless it’s _terrible_.  But why not suggest going on a shopping trip with them (either individually or together) and look at some options together, so that everyone can give each other feedback?  You could buy them a round of drinks afterwards ‘as I’m not paying for your dresses’.  It might help keeping everyone on the same page.  Or have them round for drinks and laptops to hunt online together.

Post # 9
Member
2075 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’ve always thought that the bride pays for the dresses in the UK, but it sounds like you’re already paying for a lot, so I don’t think your girls will mind! (I’m sure the dress will come out cheaper than travel and accommodation, lol!)

Post # 11
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Dont panic!!

Im in the Uk and my bridesmaids paid for their own dresses, they totally didn’t think anything of it! Its normal in my group of friends at least, i have always paid for my own bridesmaids dresses. I did pay for teh flowergirls, and for all their hair and make up stuff though..

Post # 14
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m a UK Bee living in Australia, and the common practice here is that the BM’s pay for their own everything, but all weddings I’ve been a BM in over in the UK the bride has paid. I will be buying everything for my BMs….but it is entirely up to you. If your girls are happy with it, and I’m sure they will understand you are on a budget then there is nothing to worry about. If you are giving them the flexibility of choosing their on dresses, even better. Nothing worse than “having” to fork out lots of cash for a dress you hate!!!

Post # 15
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

@rdownie1:  Yep, it’s standard for you to pay in the UK! You could just ask your girls, tell them you didn’t know and you’d like to pay? Or, do it your own way because tradition shmadition. You can do what you want – it’s your wedding. But yes, they may very well think it’s rude and cheeky.

Post # 16
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

If you can’t afford to pay for their dresses I don’t think you should dictate what they wear. Colour/style/fabric etc should be their choice. They might even want to wear something they already own. As they have to fly to sir Lanka, your wedding is going to be a very expensive day for them..

I paid for bms dresses, shoes, flat shoes for dancing, hair, make up, gifts, accommodation 2 nights. Oh and they chose their own dresses, shoes etc. They didn’t match at all.. I find the matching/uniform thing a bit odd.. But I’m not hugely traditional.

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