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technically, the M of the B should not host a shower for her daughter. If you can't afford a shower, then it sounds like you should have a heart-to-heart with the bride about what she is hoping for, and if it's anything more than a small get-together for tea at your house, then she needs to work with you maybe on asking other people to help pay for it, and maybe have you just do the work and be the formal "host."
ETA: that's what I'm doing. My grandmother is paying for a very nice meal somewhere, but my sister is the formal host who is organizing it (and her name on the invite, etc.)
Yes, joy2011 is correct. According to etiquette the MOB should not throw the shower because it is seen a gift grabbing. However in reality this happens a large majority of the time. When the MOB does not throw the shower I have usually seen it thrown by the bridal party, MOH and BM's, and they split the cost for the shower.
@chugablue: Definately ask the bridesmaids. Maybe someone can offer a cheaper suggestion. (someones house) Talk with the mother of the bride, its not fair that you be stuck with the burden of throwing a party, especially in this economy. Some people think that if a family member throws it they may look like they are looking to get gifts for the bride. Which is the whole point of a bridal shower. I think that is such a silly "rule" because if your MOH and BM are throwing it, then it looks like your friends are trying to get gifts for the bride. So what difference does it make, you know? Tell the moms you can't afford to have so many people, so either knock down your number of guests or contribute to throw it. That will leave the ball in their court.
Okay, so even though the MOB shouldn't host, she also shouldn't be throwing 20 guests your way!
I would sit down with your friend and explain what you can do. I told my friend exactly how many ladies I could fit in my basement (it's finished, I didn't just throw them in the cellar!), and she gave me a guest list based on that. Since MOB seems a little unreasonable, I would just deal directly with the bride.
Bridesmaids should definitely help, but never the mothers.
What if you just host a shower for the brides's friends? It can be at someone's house (I think they're more fun at houses because of all the silly games).
Most brides have a family shower and a friends shower in my circle.
Though it goes against traditional etiquette for the MOB to host the shower, it has become socially accepted in many circles. That said, nobody is obligated to host a shower. Not you, not the other bridesmaids, not the MOB.
If you’d like to do this for your friend, throw the party you can afford. Ask the other BMs if they're willing to contribute, but don't pressure.
Whoever does the paying does the planning, and vice versa. MOB and FMIL are so far out of line trying to control the guest list when they aren’t hosting. Anyway, a bridal shower is for the bride and her close friends, not for the mothers’ friends.
Keep it simple. Figure out how many people you can comfortably host in your home and ask the bride for a guest list not to exceed that number. If MOB and FMIL give you any grief or try to butt into the planning, just tell them you’re sorry but you just don’t have the space to accommodate all their friends or the budget to rent out a hall. They are always free to host (read: plan and pay for) their own party.
I dont know what the proper etiquette is, but I think it's pretty fluid. In my case, the shower will be at my mothers house, but one of my bridesmaids is organizing it (the MOH is organizing the bachelorette). It's kind of a "all hands on deck" kind of wedding. So while the shower is at my mom's house, she's not hosting it, my BM is, but she will def be helping set up, greet guests, serve etc...
If the MOB wants to invite all those people it seems like she's involved and should therefore help out! Also I always though expenses were equally shared amongst the bridesmaids...
Why does it have to be expensive (and what is your definition of expensive). We did my best friend's shower on the lawn of our church for about $400 and there were 60 people there. And we had way too much food and floral arrangements.
Ok, for once and for all it's 2011, people need to get over this "mothers should never host a bridal shower" garbage! I live in Chicago and 98% of the showers I have ever attended (and I've been to more than my fair share) were thrown by the mothers, of the bride and grrom, whether they were combined or not. If those mothers are giving you people that need to be invited then they need to be pitcin in some cash as well. If they will not, then you need to speak to the bride and tell her you can afford to have a shower for x amount of people and who does she want invited. In no way should you have to foot the bill for the entire affair.
I agree that I think it's going to be okay for MOBs to throw showers. Oftentimes the bride is the one planning the wedding (not her family anymore) and the MOB would enjoy getting something to do for the big day.
I had a couple of showers, one was for family and the other for friends. The one for family was given by my aunt and cousins and my MOH's did the one for my friends, that way there wasn't so many people for just one. Maybe you could suggest that!
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I am the MOH and the M of the B seems to have no interest in throwing her only daughter a shower. B has to Step Sisters and a S-I-L. So, as her MOH and best friend...I can not afford to throw a shower of 60 people (both mothers gave me a list of 20 guests they want to invite) Plus about 10-20 gfs from the bride. So, a hall is required. If I throw the shower, do i ask the other bridesmaids to help pay even though I am hosting?
Do I host the bridal shower or do I ask the M of the B if she is throwing it...if she Isn't throwing it...do I still ask her to contribute financially. Only been to 1 wedding...I am clueless. Thanks
Your input would be great!