(Closed) Who Pays for Bridal Shower

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

traditionally the maid of honor, your bridesmaids, or even your FMIL can throw you a shower.

you’re technically only supposed to show up!

i originally was just goin to have it at my house, because i didn’t want to burden the BM’s or anyone else.

then a few weeks ago, my FMIL offered to throw me one at a hall, with no frets about money. so FMIL is footing mostly the entire bill, i paid for the shower invites (cuz i designed them and had them printed at my work)… and my MOH will be there to help pick up small things here and there.

Post # 4
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

All the bridesmaids are responsible for hosting it so they divide the costs between them. It’s actually considered traditionally rude for any family (including in-laws) to host the party. The only exception is if your attendants are family, in which case it’s ok.

As far as the menu is concerned, that is up to them. Most people have just cake and punch or finger foods. Others have full meals. Neither is right or wrong.

Post # 5
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think anyone other than the bride is who should pay for it.  So if its a friend, a bridesmaid a Mother, whoever, as long as you don’t have to deal with it.

Post # 6
Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

Usually the bridal party does it all, but if they don’t the Moms will usually kick in to help. Foods can be anything, depending on the time of day. At home showers we usually have a variety of hot & cold foods as well as a variety of desserts and a cake. I’ve had the last two in restaurants where we served lunch.

Costs were split between the other mother & myself and the MOH & BM. Small bridal party so we chose to help pay for everything.

Post # 7
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

Bridesmaids traditionally pay for it.  The “fanciness” of the shower just depends on what they want to do.  In my family it’s traditional for the shower to be a brunch in a hall, so it’s about $30 per person.  Every bridesmaid is throwing in $300-400 for my cousin’s shower.  But I know a lot of people host showers at their homes, which I would imagine is much cheaper.

Post # 8
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Whoever throws the shower pays.

Brides cannot throw showers (at least not typically), as it is like asking for gifts.

Personally, I don’t care about all the rules, but that’s how it is.

Post # 9
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Traditionally it is the bridesmaids/MOH who split the costs and host the shower. However, I think that it is becoming more and more common for the FMIL or even the mother, to host a bridal shower for the bride. It used to be looked at “asking for gifts” but I’ve been to several that were like this, and my own will be like this, and I think it is perfectly okay!

Post # 10
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

my moh and bm are hosting/paying for mine…i only have to show up 🙂

Post # 11
Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Traditionally someone else should throw a shower for you – you shouldn’t organize it or pay for it.  The reasoning behing this is that the (traditional) point of a shower is to give gifts and by you throwing the shower it’s like you’re asking for gifts.

All that said, whoever is hosting the shower normally pays.  If all your BMs are hosting together then it’s for them to work out.  In some groups a partcular person will choose to organize alone and will choose to foot the bill alone, and some times one BM will take on organizing but expect all BMs to pitch in for the bill.

In any case, you should sit back and relax!  You’re throwing the wedding, you don’t have to throw the shower.

Post # 12
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We are doing mine differently.  We are having mine at my parent’s country club and my mom wanted custom letterpress invitations, which is something that I would NEVER ask my bridesmaids to foot the bill for.  My parents are paying for everything, but we are putting my MOH’s return address on the invitations and also her contact information for the shower invitation to RSVP.  My MOH is also planning any games, etc.  I think this is the best of both worlds.  The bridal party already pays SO MUCH to be a part of a wedding.  I just didn’t want them to have to pay for this as well. 

Post # 13
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

As PPs have said, traditionally the BP splits the costs.  More recently (especially with younger brides whose BP are still college/grad students who may not be able to afford hosting), MOBs & FMILs have assisted in footing the bill.  I think one rule of thumb, however is that the Bride & other non-BP guest should NOT have to pitch in.  This may be changing, but I was absolutely surprised at one wedding about 6 years ago when I was expected to pay for not only myself, but also the bride’s portion of the bill.  THAT is something I would expect at the Bachelorette Party, not the Shower.  Someone, please correct me if my memory of etiquette is wrong.

My MOH & BM are organizing my Shower (I’m actually not having a Bach-Party/combining it with the Shower) & a local friend has offered her house as the site (so I guess she’s co-hosting with my BMs).  Now that they know what kind of party I’d like, I’m not worrying about it…& neither should you.

Post # 14
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

just found out that my Aunt wants to throw one for me……..super excited

for me, I only have one gal in my bridal party and she is across the country so there is no way she could do it

Post # 15
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My aunt wants to throw me a shower. My BMs are in NY, GA and Germany, so it’s very unlikely they will be coming together to coordinate a shower.

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