(Closed) Who pays for your wedding??

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

What is the point of this?

I’m paying for myself.

That being said, I don’t fault Bee’s who get upset when they are tied up by purse strings.

Post # 4
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My dad offered us money. If he hadn’t, we would have gone to the courthouse. I agree wih you that nobody should feel entitled to anyone else’s money for their wedding, but that’s really up to each family.

Post # 5
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well…my parents are paying for most of my wedding. That being said, I have involved them in almost every step of the process (we are extreemly close). They have come to tastings, dress trials, hair trials, floral appointments etc. They are very reserved with their opinions and my Fiance and I have chosen everything we liked. Certainly, I agree its our choice to wed, but they wanted to give us this money to spend on the wedding (seriously, they seem to really be enjoying it). I can’t put into words how appriciative I am of their gift and their help in this process, I hope to be able to do the same for my children one day.

Post # 6
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Steph18:  I think it depends on culture. My grandparents (mom’s parents) went the traditional route, they paid for the wedding, my dad’s parents covered the rehearsal dinner (well dad slash his parents), just as my great grandparents hosted it for them. I know that even if I planned on footing the bill completely myself, my parents would not want me to do it alone– their parents were apart of the planning/paying, and they want that experience too. I actually look forward (I’m currently waiting) to doingi that with my family. Do I plan on paying for my own dress? Yes. But I know my family wants to put on a certain kind of reception, and that’s not because I’m asking them to (if anything I’d want something simpler!– that might actually be a bone of contention lol), but because they want to contribute. At least in my family, it has been traditonal for at least the past two generations that the families follow what is considered “traditional” wedding expense division.

ETA: In terms of Mom picking the dress because she pays…. mothers want their daughters to be happy, and if a a bride loves a dress (obviously in a predetermined budget – not “anything you want, dear!”), at least my mother would not care what I looked like as long as I was happy. I do trust her fashion opinion, though, so I don’t see her objecting to anything I’d want. Regardless, if the money is offered for a wedding is a GIFT, I think most parents (at least mine) do not view it as a way to control.

Post # 7
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Fiance and I are paying for our wedding. My parents are gifting us with money for a down payment to put on the house of our choice. I would rather pay for my own wedding rather than have my parents dish out all that money for one day. Plus, you must realize allowing someone else to pay for your wedding means you are going to have to  allow them more input than you would like. I didn’t want to go this route because my mother and I DO NOT have the same taste.

Post # 8
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I sort of agree but then I know several mothers who have tried to live out their dreams through their kids and think that is unfair.


I’m an ancient bride so would be mortified not to pay for my own wedding, but some of the younger brides have parents offering to pay and then sort of get sidetracked or caught up and then are at the parent’s mercy. Some people acquire wisdom and independance sooner than others, but those who haven’t shouldn’t necessarily be punished by having to wearing Mom’s 1982 white wedding dream in order to pay for guests they were forced to invite dinners :-/


So I agree. To a point. I see both sides.



Post # 9
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think if families pay, they should view it as a gift, and step aside and let their children have their day. The parents already had a wedding, it shouldn’t be them choosing everything.

We paid for about 2/3 of our wedding, with the remaining cost split between the two families. They let us have the money with no strings attached, and did not try to sway any of our decisions.

Post # 10
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think that whomever is paying should have the ultimate say. I can, however, understand when brides who are not footing the bill get upset over certain things. The day is meant to be about the bride and groom. That being said, if another party is paying they should be concientious and keep that in mind when making decisions. The affair should reflect the couple. I think some mothers use their daughters’ weddings as ways to live vicariously through them. I’ve known of a person or two who planned the wedding THEY wanted for themself for their daughter. 

Personally we did not ask our parents to pay for anything. We were going to pay for all of it ourselves. Each of our parents refused to let us turn them down. Each set will pay for something of their choosing. We kind of just let them go ahead with helping us out because if we didn’t they would give the same amount they were going to spend to us in a gift anyway (we know from experience…). 


Post # 12
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have to say this is offensive. As a bride whose parents graciously OFFERED to pay for our wedding, I accepted their money, but did so with no conditions attached. While it was important that my mom is involved and enjoys the details of our wedding, if she said she had to have the dress, shoes, decor, food, etc, etc that she liked and I didn’t, I wouldn’t want the gift.

I don’t feel that this is rude, horrible or inconsiderate, but I am accepting the money as a present, rather than as a way for them to run my wedding. My mom and dad both agreed with this. My fionce agreed with this. I agreed with this. NOT ONCE have I complained about my wedding, except my mom wanting to invite a billion people to our wedding of 50 (now 60).

Maybe before you are rude and throw everyone whose parents or family contributes to a wedding into one selfish, rude and ungrateful basket, you should look around the boards. Many, many brides have some sort of monetary contribution and very, very few complain about it.

Post # 13
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

our familes are greek and italian – when we became engaged (and later eloped) both sides threw money at us. 

when my nephews married they received money from various people in the family, from $500 to $5000.  when my only niece marries she wont have to worry about a dime for her wedding.  its how we do things

Post # 14
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Both sets of our parent very generously offered us monetary gifts after our engagement. We consider ourselves extremely fortunate that we aren’t having to contribute any of our own money for our wedding. The money was given with no strings attached. We didn’t even have to use it for our wedding, we could have eloped and used it for something else.

We certainly could have afforded to throw our own wedding, but again, our parents offered and we accepted. My mom also paid for my $2000 dress and never once dreamed of picking it out for me. She wanted whatever was going to make me happy.

Post # 15
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@crayfish:  actually i really agree with this. i have a friend whose parents paid for the wedding and then wouldnt let her make ANY decisions.Her mother decided the venue, decor, food, music…everything and the couple were allowed to invite 20 people out of a wedding for 150 guests. I think money should be offered as a gift with no strings or not at all. Too many parents decide its their party and don’t think about the couple.

When i said i was engaged my parents surprised me by telling me they had a wedding fund set up when i was little and they were happy to pay for the wedding no  strings attached. Id never ask for money but since theyre happy to offer and have money for that purpose…i dont feel bad about taking it. Maybe thats terrible i dont know. My fiances parents have offered us money towards a deposit on a house. I dont expect  money and i know its not a “right” or their obligation, and of course i know we’re blessed and extremely fortunate to be in this situation.. and we are very grateful

Post # 16
1426 posts
Bumble bee

Agree with @crayfish: .  My parents paid for about half of our wedding, including my dress, and right from the get-go my Mum said, “This is YOUR and DH’s wedding day so final say goes to you.”  A few things that my parents wanted I did have or did do because they were forking over some cash, but for the most part, they let us run the show.

I could not imagine telling my daughter that I will pick out her dress because I’m paying for it…

ETA:  My Dad DID try to choose the venue and officiant which we didn’t agree with, but my Mum made sure to put him in his place, so to say.

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