Who should be invited to our tasting?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Honestly I don’t think that your caterer will be happy for you to bring three additional people to your tasting.  You might want to check with them to see what can be accommodated.

Post # 3
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

If I were you I would just have my parents there. They’re the ones paying. 

If the FMIL wasn’t a troublemaker, I’d say, “Hey, the more the merrier”, but since she is, she doesn’t need to be there. 

If you do think inviting her would be best, then I think the responsibility for entertaining and tending to the FMIL should be on your fiancée. You focus on your parents, he focuses on his parent.

Post # 5
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

elw728:  I would stick with the two of you and your parents. That is plenty of opinions.

FMIL can determine the menu at the rehearsal dinner if she is hosting that.

Post # 7
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would simply tell her that the caterer limits the number of people allowed at the tasting.  Or better yet, make your fiance talk to her about it.  I agree that there is no reason for her to be there especially if she is not contributing financially to the wedding.

If she has not brought this up with you directly and you’ve just heard that she is upset through other people, I would just ignore it.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  .
Post # 8
Member
7206 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

elw728:  I’m trying to wrap my head around why your FMIL even heard that the tasting was coming up in the first place. You should proceed without her. In general, there’s no need to share minor planning details like that with anyone except the people attending.

Leave it to your FI to explain to his mother why she isn’t invited. (“Invited” isn’t even the right word – it’s a planning detail, not a party). I’m guessing it’s his fault she found out in the first place.

Post # 9
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would just have Fiance tell them, the vendor only allows a limited number of people.  And yes, tell  him to zip a lock on stuff. 

Post # 10
Member
3948 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

elw728:   Definitely you, your FI, and your parents.  You don’t need any more opinions than that.  There is no reason at all for the FMIL to be there.

Post # 12
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

elw728:  I agree with pp that this is just a planning detail, not a party. I think you should just invite your parents. Obviously you and your FI should be there, and since your parents are paying for the food they have a right to be there as well. Your FMIL has no reason to be there. If she puts up a fight, let your FI deal with her, since he’s probably the one who told her about it. Or tell her she’s welcome to choose the food at the rehersal dinner, since I’m assuming she’s planning that?

Post # 13
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

While I feel sorry for her for feeling left out of the wedding planning, if it’s because she’s been overly critical of your choices, that’s on her. I say stick to your guns for the tasting. But consider telling her (or having your FI tell her) that it’s your wedding, comments she’s been making have hurt you, but you’ll try to keep her more in the loop if she can be more supportive of your choices. If she can manage that, as a former party planner, she might prove helpful.

Post # 14
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Well, we had 2 tastings with 2 caterers to see who we wanted to go with.  For one, it was just me and DH.  For the other, we invited both moms.  FMIL ended up not being able to make it, so it was just me, DH, and my mom.  I didn’t necessarily want the FMIL there, but I did feel obligated to invite her.

Your situation is a little different.  How does your FI feel about it?  Does he want his mom there?  If so, I would invite her.  However, I’d have your FI explain that although she’s welcome to come to the tasting, you had already planned to spend the weekend with your parents so the invitation is for the tasting only; not the whole weekend.  That might make her decide it’s not worth going to anyway.  And I don’t think that should offend her as long as you sometimes visit your in-laws without involving your parents.  That way, it’s fair on both sides.

When we got married, we had a talk with both sets of parents and told them that we would be splitting holidays evenly.  Sometimes at his family’s house, sometimes at mine.  If everyone wants to gather together, that’s fine.  But if they don’t want to, then they have to realize that we’re going to spend half the amount of time with them because we need to be fair to everyone.  This tasting could help you set a precedent that you’re going to treat people evenly.  FMIL can be invited to the tasting, but that doesn’t mean she’s always going to do everything with you guys.  Sometimes you’ll do things just with your parents and sometimes you’ll do things just with the in-laws.  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

elw728:  You have two choices, really … Offend her and have a pleasant time with your parents, who will hopfeully come with you, then suffer the reprucussions after. Or you could extend her the invitation and talk to her, explaining that you would just like to spend the time enjoying the tasting together. I definitely think that your FI definitely needs to talk to her and explain that she needs to tone it down. Maybe invite her for some non-wedding-related bonding? It could be that she feels left out and probably feels put off because she was (is?) a party planner so you don’t respect her “abilities”.

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