Who should host the wedding shower???

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You should not have to do something beyond your means.  When I have been BM and MOH in the past we split the cost of the shower and the bachelorette between all the BMs.

Post # 4
6958 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@peterpotamus:  every wedding I’ve been in, the bridesmaids all cohosted. That only really works when they’re all local though. Also, every coed shower I’ve been to has been a BBQ. That might just be my crowd, but with that many people I’d go quick easy and cheap. 

Post # 6
6692 posts
Bee Keeper

It is the perogative of the bride’s close friend or friends, often members of the bridal party if there is one, to host a shower, but it is not an obligation.  Showers are supposed to be low key, not an expensive extravaganza.  Long way short of saying it’s entirely up to you if you want to host or pass on the “privilege” of being told what to do and how much to spend.   

Post # 7
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This has gotten way out of hand.  No one is obligated to host a bachelorette and pay for airfare or host a shower.  Your obligation is to show up at wedding sober and appropriately dressed.

Post # 8
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I don’t think any particular person is “obligated” to host the shower.  The only rule I’ve heard of is that the mother can’t host (but you can get around that by saying the sister is hosting and then have the mother help her a lot) and the bridesmaids should attend.  However, if no one else is hosting them a shower, the bridesmaids probably should ALL cohost it or find someone else to.  I would ask around to family members- you might be surprised that someone is planning a secret one and you are just out of the loop, or you just asking might put the idea in someone else’s head to host.  

Also, don’t invite the entire wedding unless it is a really small wedding.  That is nuts!!!  Just invite the closest people family members and friends.  I think my aunts who are planning mine (definitely not my maids) are inviting about 1/3 of the wedding.  

I agree about the low keyness.  Maybe you can ask various family members to bring a dish to share or order in pizzas or grill out hot dogs and hamburgers.  

Post # 9
1644 posts
Bumble bee

@peterpotamus:  I recommend that you give your friend a traditional shower. Which means, that you and her other nearest and dearest friends from your close peer group get together in one of your homes some afternoon for tea, have all the girls bring squares or cookies, and “shower” your friend with all the small expendable necessities that a bride needs for setting up housekeeping.You can play anagrams using her new name as the key string, and make her a bonnet from a paper plate and all the bows from the packages. Total cost about 26 cents for the teabags, three dollars worth of ingredients for your plate of squares, and twelve dollars for a nice pair of teatowels as a gift to the bride.

The so-called showers that I read about on the internet, held in hotels with catered meals and hosting a hundred women, remind me more of Captain Vancouver’s descriptions of a potlatch, or the biblical descriptions of tribute being laid before King Solomon, than anything resembling a tasssteful bridal shower.

What “she wants” is irrelevant if she wants something unreasonable. Throwing an entire second wedding reception — which is what you will have if you “invite everybody” and have a catered meal — is unreasonable.

Post # 10
6692 posts
Bee Keeper

Traditionally, no member of the family, including a sister can properly host since it’s like asking for presents.   

Post # 11
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

For my sister’s shower – I “hosted” but really my mom did everything because I was just 18.  For my shower, I believe that my 2 bridesmaids (sister and best friend) will be co-hosting in someone’s house.  It’ll be an intimate shower with just 15-20 people.  I’m MOH in my friend’s wedding right now and I’m “organizing” the hosting but each bridesmaid has taken a task to co-host it.  I’m handling invitations, favors and organization, another is handling games and prizes, another is handling decorations and my friend’s mother graciously offered to take care of the food.  Again, this will be an intimate shower with 15-20 women.  




Post # 12
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If you are going to host something, you can just say, I can only afford to host X amount of people. When my broke family insisted on throwing a shower, I tld them I can make the list as small as 15 depending on what they can afford.

If the MIL wants more, ask her to contribute.

Post # 13
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

All bridesmaids contribute to a casual afternoon tea. Finger sandwhiches, coffee and tea. If that is still too much then the families can help out but not actually be the hosts. 

Post # 14
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My MIL hosted mine.  I originally didn’t want one – not too important to me and to be honest I didn’t think anyone would actually show up – but she wanted to host one, mostly to get the sisters and cousins together over here for a change.

I was right about one thing, though – none of my relatives (except for my mom and sister) and only one of my friends showed up.

Post # 15
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

In my circle the bridesmaids do the bachelorette and family (usually aunts) do the shower.  Also, the bride chooses the guestlist for the shower, but she doesn’t choose the venue/event type.  That’s up to the hosts.

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