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If you're not comfortable with it I think it's fine to ask him not to. Or ask your husband to ask him not to since it's his family.
Personally I'd be ok with my baby's grandfather kissing her, but that's me. My hubby is a little more over protective and would probably be like you, and be a little worried about it. So to make him feel comfortable, we would just say no kissing if you're not mommy or daddy until she got her shots.
Is the baby breastfed? I only ask because I was told that breastmilk usually protects babies from minor germs until they have their immunizations. Ultimately though just like artbee said if you aren't comfortable with it you can have your husband talk to him to stop kissing her. but I personally would feel a little weird telling my dad not to kiss my baby
I tend to be very conservative about people holding my son or kissing/touching him. However he's the grandfather and you guys are living with him for right now. Since he's had his shots, I'd lay off a bit. One cough doesn't mean a cold, but at the same time if he's coughing more or has any indications that he's getting sick, then step in immediately and limit his contact with her.
I was very protective with everyone but my parents and my in laws.
when my baby comes, i couldn't imagine asking people not to kiss him or her.
but i guess that's just me, and everyone's different.
I would let it go because he's her grandfather BUT if I heard him cough, I'd most definitely remind him (lecture) about not getting the baby sick, and immunizations!
I guess I would probably only speak up if I knew we were going to be staying with him for a while (more than just a couple more days) or if I knew he was going to be seeing her a lot (like several times a week) in the next few months. If your stay is temporary (it sounds like it is?) I would probably just suck it up and keep the peace for a few days until we could go back to our own house.
I would be extremely offended if someone within my very close family circle asked me not to kiss their baby. Even if it is for fear of germs I would still take it more as you think I am dirty and germy rather than your just trying to protect her. He's her grandfather. Give the man a break. Sometimes you just have something in your throat and you need to cough. Coughing does not always equal sick germy person.
I think if you've asked him not to and this is your preference and what makes you feel comfortable, then he needs to respect that. I would just say something to him nicely another time. You could say "FIL we know and cherish how much you love our LO but right now we're just really trying to make sure she doesn't pick up any unnecessary germs. We hate to have to ask you this, but we'd really appreciate if you could hold off on the kissing for a little while, just to make sure she stays healthy."
I don't think there's anything wrong and if your FIL is offended by it, it will probably be for a very short period of time and he'll get over it. You have to do what you and your husband think is best for your child!
If it really bothers you, then ask your DH to tell him to stop. And really the best way to handle these situations is by teasing, like once you see him kissing her tap him and say "Hey lover boy, I know she's irrisistable but our no-kissing rule is still in effect". That way it isn't so serious and awkward. If he continues after that or worse does it even more just to be playful and 'get to you' then definitely have your DH step in and tell him seriously to stop.
@MsBrooklynA: agreed. I have kissed all over my nieces and nephews since they were born. I would be so upset if my SIL asked me not to kiss them
@MrsSl82be and @MsBrooklynA: Agreed. I've never been asked not to kiss a baby, or wouldn't imagine asking someone not to. I think most people are courteous enough to stay away from babies altogether if they are sick.
I'm also not a baby expert, but I can't imagine a gigantic germ overload from kissing as opposed to snuggling/holding/breathing on a baby.
I would personally let this go since it's your FIL and he's probably over the moon to be seeing so much of the baby.
I can understand your concern, but babies are held and breathed on and touched so much that I don't think kissing makes a difference, and I think it makes people think that you think they're gross or dirty. I would let it go.
I'm with you -
I'm 34 weeks and my doctor has already gone over how important it is to have my flu shot (I have it) and for my husband, and anyone else who's going to be with the baby for an extended amount of time, to have one as well.
This is my first baby, I don't know anything other that what my doctor tells me. So for the first 8 weeks I'll be listening to her advice about letting people smooch the baby. :) To each their own though.
I wouldn't freak out over it too much I mean a. just because you thought you heard him cough doesn't mean he's sick. b. he's already holding her a lot so any bad germs would get on her anyway right. c. babies are pretty resislant especially if breast fed. Overall I wouldn't worry. I've never been asked not to kiss a baby. It's not like they're licking they're mouths or anything!! most people just give little pecks on theyre cheeks or forhead.
When I had my daughter all the close family (me and DH, grandparents) was kissing her! It is so hard not to kiss such precious little things. I think that unless he is actually getting sick it isn't that big of a deal, babies are actually a lot sturdier than some people think. If you still don't feel comfortable, maybe you can compromise no kissing the face or something.
I'm really surprised about this thinking. I just couldn't imagine telling ppl they couldn't kiss my new baby if they are close enough to be allowed to visit that early then they would be special enough to give smooches.
Seems really odd to me.
I allowed visitors to give smoochies to both my daughters when they were infants and they didn't develop any horrible diseases....
To each their own I suppose...
but she did say that he has had a flu shot and a pertussis booster.
@MsBrooklynA: I'm with you. I mean, I know babies need to be protected but sometimes I think our culture can be just a little TOO sterile. Babies shouldn't be living in germ-free bubbles. I want my babies to be loved on and handled by the people closest to me! Isn't that one of the best parts of having a baby? Seeing the people you love, love him/her?
Here's the thing, we all grew up with everyone kissing us as little babies and we are here alive and well. Germs are really not that evil! I understand that you don't want you 5 week old sick but you can't keep every single germ away from her.
@Crisark: I kinda get it. I mean, remember back to your first few weeks/months right after your daughters were born. Your hormones are going crazy still, and you might feel really strongly about something that would otherwise not bother you. I remember when I had my daughter, I felt really uncomfortable when anyone held her too long; I was super overprotective. My sister had the opposite reaction, though, and she felt really offended when friends/family members didn't immediately ask to hold my nephew as soon as they saw him. :)
I just think we ought to have a little sympathy for the OP. She's a new mom, trying to figure things out, and in a pretty stressful situation (has to live her FIL because she has no power at her house!) with a newborn in an unfamiliar environment. Plus, she's still recovering (physically, emotionally, etc...) from birth. That's a lot to handle for anyone!
My son is 5 weeks old and was 7 weeks early. We just came home from the NICU almost 2 weeks ago. I would NEVER ask a grandparent not to kiss him. They are his grandparents! I just ask that visitors wash their hands before holding him, but to tell others especiallly family not to kiss him seems way over protective! And I am first time mother!
@Mrs. Spring: I mean I get that too. But, in all honesty there comes a point where it's just a little much...Babies are A LOT stronger than most people think.
Would you feel the same if it was your own Dad or Mom?
Babies are way stronger than you think they are, and I also know how neurotic new Moms can be over every little thing. This is one I think you have to let go or risk hurting his feelings and putting a serious strain on your relationship.
I'd be pretty upset if someone in my immediate family asked me not to kiss their baby... I mean, they're pretty resilient little things. No one has died from a kiss, right? In fact, it wouldn't occur to me NOT to kiss a family baby for health or "protection" reasons. Ultimately it's your decision, though. I'd just be happy my in-laws were so in love with their grandchild! :)
@Crisark: I agree that babies are resilient, I just think we should cut the OP a little slack, too. She's obviously dealing with a lot right now, and we all have different reactions to birth and stress. (Also, the second part of my post up there wasn't directed at you specifically, but the general "you." I just reread it, and realized it seemed like I was just commenting to you, but I was really trying to make a general statement.)
And a story to add: My husband told me after our daughter was born that he didn't want anyone kissing her on the mouth, including me, because of germs. At first, I thought he was overreacting, but I respected his request and stopped kissing her on the mouth until she got a little older. She got bigger, he learned to relax about those types of things, and now he loves when she gives him hugs and kisses... on the lips! :) It just takes some of us a little time to relax, that's all.
Given that he's her grandfather, and you know he's up to date on his own vaccines, I would cut him some slack. But that's just my personal opinion. (Btw, this is coming from someone who just called up her parents and demanded that they get their pertussis vaccines before coming anywhere near my infant. Crazy? I hope not.)
I always look at these threads with laughter because I was the same way (though I never asked anyone not to kiss my baby), and now three years later when my daughter runs up to me holding a gigantic frog from the dirty town pond I don't even blink. It's just learn-as-you-go.
I would be okay with it if he wasn't sick. I wouldn't be okay with people kissing my baby in the face when they have on makeup/lipstick. I've seen babies get rashes due to that.
Maybe you could ask him to just kiss the top of her head while he has a cough. I think there's a difference with newborns and older infants too, the pediatrician made sure we knew that low fevers during the first 6 weeks were worthy of a doctors visit while once she reached 3 or 4 months the criteria got a lot less strict for when they want you to come in. It's smart to protect your little one but it's hard to resist kissing a baby, a gentle reminder might be all he needs to make sure he's not coughing or kissing her somewhere that might expose her to the winter germy germs that seem to be circulating.
I don't think he is doing it out of spite, he probably forgot that you said that. If you have a problem with it, you need to say something gently in person to him. That is they only way to handle that gracefully. I am sure he is just so in love he cannnot help but kiss her. I think that kind of love is good for baby.
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I have an infant who will be 5 weeks on Thursday.
So far, a few family members and friends have come to see her, and everyone has been extremely thoughtful so far in terms of protecting her. Almost everyone has offered to wash their hands before asking to hold her. A week ago, my husband's aunt and uncle were visiting us, along with a cousin and my father-in-law. Up to that point, nobody had kissed her. So, to play it safe, I announced that we're simply asking people not to kiss her until she is more up on her immunizations. Nobody had a problem with that.
Fast-forward to this weekend. We live on the east coast and have lost power since Saturday, so we're staying with my father-in-law. He was there when we asked people not to kiss her, meanwhile, he's been kissing her more and more each day. This morning, I asked him to hold her for a few moments, and already he's smooched on her face and hands more than I have, and I'm her mother!
I don't want to be too neurotic here, but I do want to be safe. First of all, I do think it's a little rude that he heard us say no kissing and he's doing it anyway. But he's her grandfather, and in some ways I can appreciate that. And he did have a flu shot and his pertussis booster before she was born. However, I just heard him cough in the other room.
So, what would you do? Ask him not to kiss on her until her immunizations are up to date and she's a little less vulnerable? Or would you just let him kiss on her despite your concerns?
Thanks!