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My BMs are paying for it themselves. I just said that it was up to them whether they wanted to get their hair and makeup done and listed the price of each service, and that they should let me know if they wanted it so that I could make an appt for them. That got the message across pretty clearly without being awkward.
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My BMs are also paying for themselves however I am giving them a gift certificate to help cover a portion of the cost (approx. $25). I did the same thing Rebecca mentioned (see above) and made the services optional.
Mine are paying for it themselves- and it is completely optional. All of them decided to get their hair done, but none are getting their makeup done.
All the weddings I've been in, the bridesmaids have paid for their own hair. The last wedding I was in, we paid for our hair ($60 each) and the bride and her mother took care of the tip. They also paid for us to get our nails (mani/pedi) done, gave us a $20 gift certificate for that. We took care of the tip and any extra expense (for example, I wanted a french manicure, so I paid extra for that). I think I will do something similar for my girls. At least the tip for the hair, still undecided about the nails.
I'm with dahlia. It was completely optional. My girls are paying, and they're all getting hair, but not makeup done.
The downside is that to get a discount, I had to prepay, so now they have to pay me back, and I'm a sucker for saying, "oh don't worry about it." Yeah... on the upside, my hair is free, so I don't have to worry too much.
For my wedding, I paid for all the girls Hair/Makeup but they bought their own dress. I think if it's in your budget, that's a nice thing to do, but every person is different, so if it's not in your budget, don't feel obligated. But be sure to let your girls know up front as that is something that they may not have budgeted for themselves, so give them an option of going somewhere else to have it done if they choose to! Either way, I think it's a nice thought, but if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. =)
I paid for my hair at the last wedding I was in and did my own make up. For my wedding, my BM's are paying for themselves. I gave them the option to do whatever they want for hair and makeup. They are all stylish people. So I'm sure they will look great. Most of them are just getting blow outs or leaving their hair down anyway and prefer doing their own make up.
Agree with all the posters above that it's optional. If you have it in your budget, it's a nice thing to pay for. If you want your BMs wearing their hair in a specific style, then I think that warrants the bride paying, too.
However, that doesn't seem to be the case in your situation. My primary advice is to manage expectations and talk about it right away when brides ask the BMs to be in the wedding.
Setting expectations of what duties you expect them to perform and what the costs will be for each girl sometimes helps them decide if they can participate, and can maybe deter the many issues we've all seen on these boards!
So if you haven't done it already, talke to each BM indiviudally or as a group on what they should be expecting from here to the wedding. Good luck!
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when i was a BM it was optional so i paid for it myself because i can't fix my own hair. however, just from that experience, it was a little obnoxious and hurtful for the bride to talk about all the money they were saving by not doing certain things even as i paid hundreds of dollars for the dress, shoes, hair, airfare, and travel. a little gesture like paying for our hair or a night in a hotel (anything) would have made a huge difference in how i felt about the situation.
i'm not saying that people *should* pay for certain things or that they shouldn't try to save money. i guess i'm just saying to be conscious of how much your friends are already doing for you, and be sure to try to find a way (monetary or not) that really shows them how much you appreciate their help.
I'm making it optional for my bridesmaids if they want their hair done, since I told them they can do their hair however they want on the wedding day. I gave them my vendor's price list and are letting them decide. I think its okay to ask bridesmaids to pay for themselves as long as you aren't asking them to do something specific with their hair or wear it all in the same style. I talked to my bridesmaids about this, and they feel its fair, since I'm already gifting them their dress.
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My girls are all getting theirs done in updos (they want to), but I'm covering some of the cost so it's not very expensive. I'm also treating them to makeup.
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The rule is if you're requiring your bridesmaids to get their hair done or you're requiring it to be done a certain way, then YOU pay.
Otherwise, if it's completely optional, then the bridesmaids are on their own. I definitely can't afford to pay for my bridesmaids to get their hair done. We can barely pay for the essential wedding expenses let alone any extras lol. But that's why I'm not requiring them to do anything special. If they just want to hair their down like normal, that's totally fine with me.
My bridesmaids are all awesome and pretty cool with paying for everything themselves, but I will probably try to help offset costs somewhere in there, whether for part of the dress, or part of hair and makeup. My mom was really the one pushing for that, and I think it's a nice gesture...her thought process is that if you can help out for at least some of it, the girls will be appreciative and just have more fun. I might try to pay a little bit more for my MOH b/c next to me, she's the one farthest from our wedding location and will have to shell out more money for this wedding on top of the MOH responsibilities! I'm in no way made of money, but I feel that if people are going to be making such a significant and selfless contribution to the wedding day, then I'm going to try to help out, whether through monetary means, or by just being more thoughtful in the planning. 
My Bridesmaids are paying for the hair themselves. (theyre all having updos.) except one of them I told her I would help her out! (her parents just moved out of state and she just moved in her with her bf lol) soo im helping her.
They were completely okay with it all though! I'm planning on giving them a gift certificate to a spa here at the beach and also a really nice gift for being a bridesmaid :)
I'm paying for hair/makeup for all 3 of my bridesmaid. They are charging me $150/person.
Before I even had a bridal party, I already set my budget for dress, shoes, hair/makeup because 2 of my 3 bridesmaids are from out of state. So they are already paying for their flights so the least I can do was cover everything else for them.
I have never heard the rule that if you are requiring your BM's to get their hair done, then it is on your dime. My friends already knew that I didn't care HOW they got it done per se, just that they got it done. We all visit the salon every two weeks or so anyway, so it wasn't as if it was an unreasonable request. I paid for their makeup and their accessories, plus I got them all a gift, but they paid for their hair, mani/pedi's, and dresses on their own (except for one who needed help with her dress). I think it's a very nice gesture to pay for some of their services if you can afford to, but if not it doesn't make you a "bad" bride as far as etiquette is concerned. You want everyone to look their best, and your friends usually feel the same way - so I think it's pretty much understood that people will do whatever that means and not expect you to foot the bill for it, but if you do decide to help them in any way, I know they will appreciate it.
mlindsey-
I hate to say it, but it is considered bad etiquette if you force your bridesmaids to get their hair done a certain way and you don't pay for it. I've been a bridesmaid before and fortunately my friend didn't require me to get an updo or anything. If she did, I certainly would have expected her to pay for it. On all the wedding boards I've read online, most people would disagree with you. Your friends will look nice even if their hair isn't done by a hairstylist.
By the way, how much money do you and your friends make to be able to afford to visit the salon every 2 weeks?! lol... Based on that, maybe it isn't a big deal in your circle for people to shell out money to get their hair done. But I know for many people (including myself), it's expensive enough as it is just paying for the bridesmaid dress, alterations, gift, etc. I couldn't imagine being forced to pay to get my hair done on top of everything else. That's a bit excessive in my opinion.
What great guidelines and suggestions! I've got a tiny wedding party (my MOH plus a close friend who is our officiant). I'm paying for their mani/pedis the day prior as part of a women's day (all the moms and other close family are invited as well). Hair and makeup they will do themselves - the salons in the area are crazy expensive. I'm only getting mine done because I'm hopeless at updos.
Not paying is not bad, but try and make the appointment option available in a way that minimizes confusion and makes expectations clear (that it's optional and completely up to them). Also make the prices known so they aren't in an awkward spot if it is beyond their budget.
If you are requiring they get their hair done then you should DEFINITLY pay for it.
If not, then I don't think you need to pay for it.
Some bridesmaids may want theirs done, others may not, so if you have the money and are giving them the option of getting it done I would recommend a gift card so they can either choose to get it done, or get another spa service of their choice.
Kappauchf20 - I agree! every 2 weeks sounds so crazy! I get my hair done 3 times a year :) LOL. and that's by choice :)
if you are not asking them to do a particular hairstyle or have professional hair done, then you can just give them the option should they want it. i'm having them do their hair, which is why i'm paying for them. but if you dont mind them doing it themselves, then you dont need to offer to pay. it is not required either way, but is a nice gesture for the bridesmaids/friends/sisters/relatives.
Thanks for all of the advice!! You have all been really helpful. I'll definitely make sure the options and costs are clear and I'll see if I can work in a manicure gift or something similar for some girl time before the wedding.
Just for clarity....me and my friends are in no way rich, but it is necessary for us to get our hair done every two to three weeks. Myself and my bridesmaids are African-American. I have a short hair cut that I can't maintain myself, and my bridesmaids have long hair that they usually get washed, flat-ironed, and curled regularly. So, it was kind of a given that they would be getting their hair done for my wedding. They actually came to me and asked me how I wanted them to get their hair done.....to which I said that it didn't matter as long as it was done. My circumstance may not be the norm, but to me, I would think that the BM's would want to look their best, and if to them that means getting their hair done, then the bride shouldn't be obligated to pay for it. Offering is a nice gesture, and if you can afford it, then by all means, but I don't think it should be expected. If they can do their own hair, and it will look good, then problem solved.
just to second what everyone else has said--please let your bridesmaids know that you won't be able to pay for them if you can't. Keeping it optional is great! The last wedding I was in, I was required to have hair & makeup professionally done and had to pay for it myself (this was after 2 bridesmaid dresses, gifts, travel, etc). It was a family wedding, and I was just out of school so a sudden $85 expense was not cool, especially as I assumed (since it was a huge fancy wedding) that the bride or her mom would have picked up the cost. I would have been totally fine paying if I had known up front that it would be expected (so I could have budgeted for it) and/or I was given the option to pass on the salon visit if I didn't have the money/desire.
For Vietnamese weddings, the bride picks up the tab for hair, make-up, bridesmaid dress and bridesmaid traditional ao dai! :) Reading the boards makes me realize this is not common, but for my culture, this is expected. In a way, what goes around, comes around, so it all evens out. But- it makes it a fun experience for all involved. I also paid for mani pedi for one of the gals to get it done with me, since it'd be lonely sitting in the salon by myself!
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ditto what happywife says... but watch out cuz not everything comes around.... I am paying for everything for the BMs... but that doesn't also happen when you are a BMs.
So why am I doing that? I simply don't want to financially burden them.. they are my good friends and this should be a celebration. For that reason, I have a limited bridal party... I can't pay for 6 girls, so I ended up having 3 BMs.
Even though for some cultures, it's not the norm to pay for everything, please do consider the financial burdens on the BMs...especially if you are having a large shower, an expensive dress +shoes, and a destination wedding where they have to pay for flight and hotels. I think it's just being hospitable to offer some setoff to those expenses IMO. Making the BMs pay for the large expenses is a no no and a huge financial burden.
If the bride requires them to get their hair or make ups professional done, than she should pay for it. If she leaves it as an option to the maids, than they pay for it.
The bride should know her budget and have an in dept conversation about what she is willing to pay for her maids, and what she isnt or is not able to.
I'm lucky... I only have a MOH my sister... it's really easy to get my wishes across!
My girls are paying for their own hair and I am making it optional for them to come to the salon I have chosen. It's also optional for them to get any extra services like make-up or nails. I have been in a few weddings as have most of my girlfriends and we have all always paid for our own hair and make-up. I am doing anything I can to save them money all in all. I talked to a few of my bridesmaids about it and they all said they expect to pay for hair and makeup so I shouldn't even worry about it. That being said, I think most understanding people really do know that it all comes back around and someday, their bridesmaids will be doing the same for them. My thoughts are also then not to skimp on bridesmaids gifts! Be sure to budget this into your expenses!
I have never had the bride pick up the tab when I have been in a wedding! (I am seriously pouting right now) :)
For my wedding, we are paying for transportation (renting vans for all the bridal party and their dates), lodging (for bridal party, dates and parents) and on the day of the wedding I am treating my gals to a brunch, a mani/pedi (I am buying them each a bottle of the color I would like them to wear) and giving them a $50 gift certificate for hair in addition to gifts (welcome bags full of goodies and pearl necklaces). I figure that with everything I am paying for, they can pay the difference for their 'dos and tips. The girls are also paying for BM dresses (their choice in any of 4 styles from J. Crew) and plane tickets to get here.
Erin - that sounds very reasonable! i'm sure your BMs appreciate that you're keeping their costs in mind. Hope you have a great wedding!
ABSOLUTELY pay if you are requiring your bridesmaids to do their hair or makeup a certain way that you want it. I have a very big problem with people who get so wrapped up in their own wants that they do not realize that they need to be considerate of the people who are participating in the wedding because you asked them to. It is a big expense to be a bridesmaid. If you cannot afford to pay for their hair, do not tell them how to wear it. When planning your wedding, picture yourself as a guest, or your bridesmaid. You want it to be a fun, relaxed, and inexpensive / non-stressful event for them. If you are adament that your bridesmaids need to have their hair a certain way, then you should cut some other costs from your wedding to accomodate them. It is very unfair and in very poor taste to ask uneccesary expenses of people who are at your wedding to support you.
I know that is not your question but I had to throw that in. If you cannot afford to pay for their hair, then that is not a faux pas, as long as you let them do it however they want!
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I recently had my hair trail and booked my appointment. I knew my mom would want her hair done, so I made that appointment as well. My FMIL made appointments for herself and her mom. I was sharing my trial pics with the wedding party and was completely surprised that they wanted appointments too!
Since it is a nice place, the price tags match. Prior to booking the appointments, I was upfront about the costs and reiterated that it was entirely up to them how they did their hair and whether they did it themselves or had it done. I wanted to make sure there weren't any nasty suprizes when we all checked out. They both decided to go ahead with appointments, so now we're all going in together. To make it easy, we're carpooling from the inn.
It is not expected for the bride to pay for hair/makeup unless there are specific restrictions (must have it done professionally or in a certain style). If you can afford to cover it, it is a lovely guesture. However, some people are much more comfortable having their hair done than doing it themselves. Check with your party and at least coordinate appointments, if you can. :)
I'm treating my ladies to hair and makeup, which will cost about 150 each. Most of them are flying into california from the east coast and are going through considerable expense already, so I figured this is the least I can do. Plus I think it'll be fun getting ready together on the day of.
The last wedding I was in, the other BMs and I opted to do our own hair and makeup. I've been known to do really great updo's so they left the hairstyling to me. It turned out great, if anyone wants to see a pic. One of the other BM knew how to do makeup, so she took care of that for everyone. We all decided to sleep over at my place the night before and wake up really early the day of to do our hair/makeup. It was a really great bonding experience for everyone involved and we all turned out looking fantastic (:
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This question is directed at both brides and bridesmaids. I'm having my hair done professionally for the wedding at my local salon and would like to offer appointments to my bridesmaids if they are interested. (I don't have any preference in how they do their hair, just wanted to give them another option if they don't want to do it themselves.) The up-dos at this salon cost between $65-85, plus tip. I checked around and the prices are pretty much the going rate for my area. If we had a larger budget I'd be happy to just treat the bridesmaids to the salon appointment but we're paying for the wedding ourselves and this wasn't in my budgeted list of expenses. What have other brides and bridesmaids done? Who has paid for the bridal party appointments in the weddings you have attended? If it's common practice for the bride to pay I can try to figure out a way to make it work. Thanks!!