Post # 1
I am having a no-kids wedding and I am kinda stumped about a recent situation. I am getting married at a location probably about an hour from my home. I invited my neighbor and her husband, who have a 22-month old daughter. She RSVP’d “yes” for her and her husband. I had mentioned to her beforehand that my bridesmaid MIGHT be bringing their 3 year old son to the hotel and have her MIL watch him, and that my BM said that her MIL probably wouldn’t be opposed to watching a few more kids (she used to run a home day care).
Yesterday, neighbor sent me a Facebook message reading:
“Hey, Ilovewine! I was wondering if you were still planning to have a sitter at the hotel during your wedding? It was nice to see you last night (blah blah blah not relevant)”
Before replying, I called my bridesmaid and asked if her MIL would still be there, and she told me that they decided to leave her son at home with her instead. Ok, no biggie. So I called my cousin and asked if she knew anyone that would be willing to come to the hotel that night and watch the kid, since she is a teacher and knows lots of people looking for babysitting jobs. She called me back just a few minutes later and said one of her friends could do it. I’ve met the friend many times before and she is a teacher that used to work as a nanny, so she’s very qualified. She can also stay with my cousin in her hotel room that night.
So I sent a Facebook message to the friend asking if I could give my neighbor her contact info. She said “sure!” So I passed it along to my neighbor and she said thanks, and I suppose that ended things.
But now I’m wondering…who pays? They RSVPed yes, and they are getting a room for the night that the sitter can stay in with their daughter. Am I obligated to pay? I said that a sitter may be AVAILABLE, but I didn’t say that we were PAYING for one. Did I get myself into a mess here? I don’t want to have to deal with a sticky situation. Plus, if I pay, it wouldn’t be fair to other people that paid their own money to leave their kid at home with a sitter.
Post # 3
It sounds like sh doesn’t expect to pay. Idk who should though
ETA: since she’s arranging it, maybe she does expect to pay??
Post # 4
@Ilovewine: It’s their child, and if they want to go out then they are responsible for child care. I’m not sure if she is under the assumption that you will pay for some reason, but you are not obligated to. When my sister got married, she hired baby-sitters for all the kids at a central location – she wanted to make that gesture, but it’s not necessary.
Post # 5
@Ilovewine: Well, hindsight is 20/20 but I would have responded with “Unfortunately, the person I thought would be able to sit is no longer coming” and left it at that. It’s not your responsibility to figure it out for them. As it stands, I would imagine the sitter will be bringing up payment at some point. If the neighbor says “Ilovewine is paying” the sitter will contact you. I mean, I would assume. If you wanted to be sure without having to talk to the neighbor, maybe you could shot the sitter an email saying “I just wanted to be sure everything was fine with Neighbor and you two got the payment worked out” or something to that effect.
Post # 6
@MexiPino: I’ll probably send the sitter a message. Good idea! Although I wish I had gone with your previous one, but too late now 🙁
Post # 7
@Ilovewine: I think, in all likelihood, they’ll expect to pay, and will pay. What I would do, is just be prepared to pay the babysitter in case they don’t. You’ve put them in direct contact; they’ve probably already worked it out.
Post # 9
Yeah, offering possibilities gets tricky. Very tricky. You’d probably have been better off just not bringing up babysitting unless you knew you could offer it. But oh well.
At this point, I’d send an email to the sitter. Hopefully they’re intending to pay. But if they aren’t, I might consider paying, just to avoid confrontation. But that’s me. If you’re close to your neighbor and don’t think they would be offended, you could tell them that you weren’t planning to pay for the sitting since it’s only their child that would be cared for.
Of note, we’re having sitters for our ceremony and we are paying for them. But that was a decision we made because we’re inviting kids but realize they may not be able to sit through a ceremony.
Post # 10
If it were me, I’d interrpret the “We have a babysitter available” as it will be taken care of, but in your post you said you have told her that MIL might watch one of the other kids and she probably wouldn’t be opposed to watching a few more. I would take that as she would be watching them for free.
Anyway, in this case I would have messaged her back that she was unavailable, but since you are already finding a sitter, I would just message the sitter. I would honestly just pay if they aren’t willing.
Post # 11
@Ilovewine: I suppose see if they pay on their own, if nt u pay. U did get urself somewhat mixed in the midde so hats my best suggestion
Post # 12
Normally I’d say 100% they pay. It’s their kid. But it gets a little gray since you have done a bunch of arranging here… if it were me, I’d just pay to avoid awkward conversations because it sounds like she doesn’t think they’re paying.
Post # 13
@Ilovewine: I personally feel like you should pay, since you brought it up and I dont think she is really expecting to pay. To be polite, I think you should. But if she’s polite, she will pay te babysitter something too
Post # 14
It’s tricky. Under normal circumstances you expect parents to arrange and pay for their own childcare. Whatever arrangements they make are not your issue.
If you suggest that childcare might be available at the wedding venue then it comes across as a service that you are providing and which someone could interpret as you also expecting to pick up the bill.