Who should pay for the babysitter?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who should pay for the babysitter?
    We should : (12 votes)
    24 %
    They should : (37 votes)
    74 %
    Split it : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Other (please describe below) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    It sounds like sh doesn’t expect to pay. Idk who should though

    ETA: since she’s arranging it, maybe she does expect to pay??

    Post # 4
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @Ilovewine:  It’s their child, and if they want to go out then they are responsible for child care. I’m not sure if she is under the assumption that you will pay for some reason, but you are not obligated to. When my sister got married, she hired baby-sitters for all the kids at a central location – she wanted to make that gesture, but it’s not necessary.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6964 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @Ilovewine:  Well, hindsight is 20/20 but I would have responded with “Unfortunately, the person I thought would be able to sit is no longer coming” and left it at that. It’s not your responsibility to figure it out for them. As it stands, I would imagine the sitter will be bringing up payment at some point. If the neighbor says “Ilovewine is paying” the sitter will contact you. I mean, I would assume. If you wanted to be sure without having to talk to the neighbor, maybe you could shot the sitter an email saying “I just wanted to be sure everything was fine with Neighbor and you two got the payment worked out” or something to that effect. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3249 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Ilovewine:  I think, in all likelihood, they’ll expect to pay, and will pay.  What I would do, is just be prepared to pay the babysitter in case they don’t.  You’ve put them in direct contact; they’ve probably already worked it out.

    Post # 9
    Member
    9532 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Yeah, offering possibilities gets tricky. Very tricky. You’d probably have been better off just not bringing up babysitting unless you knew you could offer it. But oh well. 

    At this point, I’d send an email to the sitter. Hopefully they’re intending to pay. But if they aren’t, I might consider paying, just to avoid confrontation. But that’s me. If you’re close to your neighbor and don’t think they would be offended, you could tell them that you weren’t planning to pay for the sitting since it’s only their child that would be cared for.

    Of note, we’re having sitters for our ceremony and we are paying for them. But that was a decision we made because we’re inviting kids but realize they may not be able to sit through a ceremony. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If it were me, I’d interrpret the “We have a babysitter available” as it will be taken care of, but in your post you said you have told her that MIL might watch one of the other kids and she probably wouldn’t be opposed to watching a few more. I would take that as she would be watching them for free.

    Anyway, in this case I would have messaged her back that she was unavailable, but since you are already finding a sitter, I would just message the sitter. I would honestly just pay if they aren’t willing.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1548 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Ilovewine:  I suppose see if they pay on their own, if nt u pay. U did get urself somewhat mixed in the midde so hats my best suggestion

    Post # 12
    Member
    10748 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Normally I’d say 100% they pay. It’s their kid. But it gets a little gray since you have done a bunch of arranging here… if it were me, I’d just pay to avoid awkward conversations because it sounds like she doesn’t think they’re paying.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2783 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Ilovewine:  I personally feel like you should pay, since you brought it up and I dont think she is really expecting to pay. To be polite, I think you should. But if she’s polite, she will pay te babysitter something too

    Post # 14
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    It’s tricky. Under normal circumstances you expect parents to arrange and pay for their own childcare. Whatever arrangements they make are not your issue.

    If you suggest that childcare might be available at the wedding venue then it comes across as a service that you are providing and which someone could interpret as you also expecting to pick up the bill. 

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