Post # 1
so the FI and I just got into a huge fight over money after moving in this weekend. I am moving into my FI tiny apartment, mainly so we can save money for a better place. We choose his apartment because it was cheaper, and he wasn’t on a lease. I thought we were sharing the moving costs. He thinks I should pay all of them because it’s “my stuff”. I think this is nuts given that this is something we are doing together to save money.
To put this in context, we are planning on sharing household expenses as a percentage of our incomes. We are also opening a joint savings account. I will be contributing more to both as I earn more money. I was shocked when he asked for the full amount for the move from me (as he had put it on his card.). He was shocked when I balked at paying the full amount. I assumed given our previous discussions that he would be contributing. We can’t quite see eye to eye. Bees, who is right?
Post # 2
My husband paid his moving costs when he moved into my place. However, I paid for other things, like the uhaul to take a bunch of things to the dump/Goodwill that I was purging from my place to make room for his stuff. It balanced out.
I think it should be balanced and fair to both of you. You shouldn’t have to eat all of the costs.
Post # 3
I would pay for my things moving into his place. It is my stuff.
Post # 4
We shared the moving costs, as it seemed fair given we could have moved into either place. We also shared the costs of any additional items that needed to be purchased, like a 2nd dresser or extra storage containers.
Post # 5
I think it should be shared. We shared the cost. If yore moving in to be together and share a space, its weird to not want to share the cost. Does this mean he wouldn’t have wanted help paying if you were moving into his place?
In general when it comes to money and moving in together you should have a discussion about who pays for what. Is he usually not willing to share? Meaning costs and things.
Post # 6
I can see both sides, but I lean towards your stuff/your bill. Since this wasn’t discussed ahead of time, I would probably eat the cost. I don’t think its fair to leave it on his card when he wasn’t expecting to pay any of it [but tbh he shouldn’t have put it on his card if he wasnt expecting to pay any either…]
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal
I would have paid to move my own stuff into his place. If it was a financial strain on me I would have discussed it prior. Fortunately my husband and I have never argued over who should pay what in our relationship. If he expects you to pay him back, I would do so and just discuss these things when a similar transaction happens moving forward.
Post # 8
Since you are the one moving your stuff and earn the bigger salary I think you should pay.
Post # 9
pussinboots07 : I’m sorry but I find it concerning that he’s being so petty. Now I can see him assuming ‘your stuff, your cost to move’- however when you explain it that YOU were the one to move so you’d both have cheaper rent, I would have hoped he’d be decent and see this as a shared cost in a partnership he’s entered into. And when you’ve agreed to pay proportionately more than him, according to your salaries…..well he’s quick to assess the inherent fairness of a situation he sees as beneficial to himself.
Let the dust settle on this while tempers are high, but I’d caution you against opening a joint account with someone so stingily out to protect his own best interests rather than act like the two of you are a team.
Post # 10
If you’re moving only YOUR stuff into HIS place, then yes, you should pay your own costs. If you’re moving BOTH of your guys’ stuff into a NEW place then you both should pay equally.
You pay to move your things, why would he even have been expected to pay? He’s not moving any of his things.
If you can’t agree on this small thing during moving in, then living together is going to be a treat, that’s for sure :/
Post # 11
pussinboots07 : I’m going to be moving into my SO’s house at end of August. I’ve already told SO that I’ve budgeted for a moving company b/c we have no intention of moving it ourselves. Not in the south in August, heck no – we did it last year & it was hell. He told me that if I hadn’t already chosen to pay movers, that HE’D be paying movers for me b/c he doesn’t want to do it again. He then added that he’d be paying a portion of moving expenses for anything we decide we want to send to storage or just have disposed of/moved to the curb (there’s an old couch and super heavy foozball table). I don’t care either way if he pays, it’ll be our stuff and our place so I’m kinda like whatever, it’ll wash out in the end.
Post # 12
Personally I would pay for my own moving costs. It’s not romantic but realistically you don’t currently have combined finances and he isn’t responsible for the cost of you moving. I think you guys should decide how you’re going to split costs, and write it down and agree so you’re not arguing later. Money is really not worth fighting over.
Post # 13
RobbieAndJuliahaha : +1
When DH and I combined households, we were both moving our independent shit from our separate apartments across the country to our new apt in a new city, so we both just paid for our own moves.
But the arrangement you and your FI have with you moving in to his place is very different. Rather than looking at this move as a shared investment into your joint future together, he just sees it as your expense alone to shoulder. What if you had jointly decided that he should move into your place? Ask him if he’d be ok paying 100% of the moving expenses in that scenario, and then still contributing the agreed upon amount toward monthly expenses. I’d be curious to hear his response.
Most of all, I find it concerning that he has such an extreme, inflexible attitude toward money given that y’all are about to get married. Is he going to nickel & dime you like this when you’re married and have kids? I think it might be a good idea to invest in some premarital counseling about finances so you can sort this stuff out ahead of time.
Post # 14
I guess it might depend on the cost and method? When we moved to an apartment, we simply hired a uhaul for $60 and a couple friends helped us move. I guess there’s a big difference between that and paying $400+ for professionals. If you wanted him to pay half then I think you guys should have discussed it up front. If he knew he was helping to pay maybe he’d have put in his say (rent a uhaul vs hire professionals)
Post # 15
Unless previously discussed I would assume my things/I pay. I do think it would’ve been generous of him to offer to cover half, though, and that it was weird for him to put it on his card if he didn’t intend to pay for any of it.