Post # 1
After getting married, my husband’s wish was to move to Texas. So I quit my job and left my family to follow his dream. After being in Texas now for three months, I still haven’t found a job (I’m sure is a result from the economy). With that said, he thinks that I should pay half of the rent.
Do you think it’s fair that I have to pay the rent since I have no income coming in. He makes double what I made when I was working and is still working. In his defense, he thinks that I should still contribute since we are a married couple and said I should use the money that I have in savings (which is more than what he has). I have been saving this money since I was 16 and worked very hard for it. What are your thoughts on what I should do in this situation?
Post # 3
If I were unemployed, but had enough in savings to help with rent, I would. I’d help out as much as I could. Maybe he just wants to feel like he’s getting a little help?
Did you have something else in mind for your money? Most people use their savings for situations like yours from what I’ve seen.
Post # 4
Maybe he could pay until you’re employed, and then you could pay however many months he paid?
Post # 5
Well, i’ll give you our situation.
I have a job with steady income. My husband is on terminal leave. We’ve used his savings for big things (we bought an elliptical and fridge) but i pick up day to day expenses plus the mortgage.
I pay the mortgage every month b/c i have the paycheck.
I’d be more concerned that your husband says you aren’t contributing.
Can you set up a joint account and deposit some money in, then pay the rent? Frankly, i’d feel AWFUL asking DH to pay half the mortgage each month, citing the whole “you live here too!” thing until he gets a job. I don’t WANT him to spend his savings. It’s savings. Rainy day. We should be able to get by on one salary
Post # 6
How do the two of you think about your money? Is it still completely seperate or joint? I think you are both right, which is sort of confusing. I can see how he would like you to still contribute to rent since you are financially able too. However it does seem harsh for him to expect you to pony up the same amount without a job. Either way you two need to talk about money.
Post # 7
I guess it depends on how much you have in savings. If it’s only a little, then it’s odd for him to expect you to help with rent. However, if it’s quite a bit I would say it’s fair. I am currently paying our entire mortgage payment because my FI had lost his job, and is now only working part-time and it’s tight for him to pay his own bills. He doesn’t have anything in savings so I can’t ask anything more of him. It’s extremely stressful on me to pay the whole mortgage and all the utilities because I also have a car loan and student loans.
I’d say it depends on what you have in savings, and on what he has extra to pay the bills.
Post # 8
This type of thing is why I don’t like seperate finances for marriage. IME, it always leads to arguments.
However, if your agreement is that you will each pay half of living expenses, then I think you should pay half of the rent if you are able.
Post # 9
I think this is the problem with keeping separate finances (I don’t mean just having his/her individual accounts for personal spending/emergency but really separate finances). If the two people act as if they are a social unit, like moving to a different state for each other, but their finances don’t reflect that it can end up an unfair situation. I think part of marriage is supporting each other financially but I know now everyone agrees! and marriages can work just fine between people with a different philosophy but whichever philosphy the two people in the marriage have to agree.
Did you talk about this before you got married? And did you talk about it before you moved to Texas?
I agree that both of you are right in a way. From his perspective, why should you get to keep your savings at the expense of him having the opportunity to build up his savings? If it all came from the same pot this might not be an issue.
I think if you guys intend to keep separate finances you need to be very careful about making any future decisions that will affect your income, such as moving, without spelling out the finances.
Post # 10
If you left your job for him in this craptastic economy, then you shouldn’t be responsible for rent until you find another job. He’s the reason why you left the job you had in the first place.
Post # 11
If you consider that money only yours, then you should probably contribute.
But if you plan on using that money for the benefit of you both, then your husband is asking you to do something that is financially very stupid. Savings should NOT be touched for day to day expenses unless that is the only option. It is hard to have the discipline to save money, and spending when it isn’t necessary is a terrible idea. Instead, consider the possibilities for that money. Seed for your retirement? Save for a down payment on a house? Put away for short and medium term expenses, so you can avoid credit card bills? The possibilities are endless, and almost all of them are better than peetering it away on rent.
Post # 12
I think this is a perfect opportunity to start talking about money and how you guys will deal with it.
Are you always going to go half on everything no matter how much each person makes?
There are going to be many times throughout your marriage when this pendulum may shift and things may happen how are you going to deal with it? Do you have joint savings for emergency funds or is he expecting you to use up your rainy day fund?
There really is no real answer to this question but i really think that you guys need to open up a discussion about your finances!
Post # 13
We lived together for about a year to two years before we got married and during that time I always paid for half of everything, whether it was the rent, food, or misc. things we needed for the house. Do you think that he may be thinking the same way (of splitting everything in half) since we got married (even though I’m not currently employed)?
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
You live in texas, a community property state, and are married. So technically half of his wages is yours! Tell him that. Haha, j/k.
Seriously though, maybe it’s time for you guys to sit down and have a talk about finances. Since you’re married, you maybe shoulf start approaching bills as a team–ask what is the best possible scenario for your financial future as a couple? This might depend on factors like how much total savings and debt you two have, your total income and bills per month, etc.
It seems like you are holding onto this idea of “your” money when really you should be thinking of thing in terms of you and your husband as a partnership. Good luck!
Post # 15
The money I had in savings was supposed to go towards a house. I didn’t think that I was going to get married (so I had been saving since I was a teenager). He states that he pays for much more than the rent, which includes the utilities, water, trash, internet, cable, and sometimes dinners we have when we go out.
Post # 16
I think you should talk to him about it. Are you willing to share the savings with him, since you need to have some money in liquid savings in case something happens and he happens to lose his job too.