- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Apparently family isn't, but maybe your mother could help your MOH do it? Just behind the scenes with some $$ or baking or something? Could they have a "kitchen tea" rather than a shower? So the girls come over to the house, bring a plate and a small kitchen tea gift and you just have a nice afternoon? I think "bring a plate" is a great idea. If you don't want gifts, then say "bring a plate, not a gift" and just have a nice afternoon with the ladies from both families, and friends. It's a great idea to get together before the wedding :)
My aunt is officially throwing my bridal shower. I don't need anything super formal with games or anything, just hanging with some good people is fine with me. Since I don't have a ton of girl friends and everyone is all over the place it is probably going to be very small... and probably at my parents house. (sticking my tounge out at the ettiquitte fairy!)
Officially it isn't poliet to ask anyone to throw your shower, but since your mom is insistant in having one why can't she and the BM's help throw it? My mom will probably be a bit part of my shower, it doesn't bother me at all. And I have thown a shower on little $, and with another BM with little $ and it was a big success! We got creative, hosted it in my tiny apartment, and still managed to have a great time!
No immediate family member is supposed to throw a shower for you. But your mom could host a bridal tea or luncheon which is not a gift giving event. Then you could still socialize with your guests and spend time together.
My mom threw me a shower, my mother-in-law threw me a shower, and my best friend and her mom threw one, too. I know that there's some rule somewhere saying that the bride's mom isn't supposed to do it, but I think that more and more brides are starting to ignore this rule.
And honestly, not a single person was turned off by the fact that my mom hosted the shower.
If you're really concerned, you could always have your MOH/bridesmaids co-host it with your mom so that they can help with the planning and she can help with the cost.
As PPs have noted, no immediate family member may properly host a shower on your behalf; however, as others have suggested above, there is no rule that says they cannot pay for the shower that is being hosted by others.
Depending upon what your mother is able to afford, she could underwrite the cost of a shower that is hosted by your bridesmaids at a suitable neutral venue such as a restaurant, a bridesmaid's home, or even a church fellowship hall (if your family or one of your bridesmaids happen to belong to a church and if the church has such a venue.)
My best friend/MOH is apparently throwing me a shower because she emailed me out of the blue yesterday and asked if a particular date was OK and about how many people I thought we should invite - caught me completely off guard - but so glad that at least SHE is on top of things! We haven't even officially finalized our guest list for the wedding - let alone thought about a shower! It's probably going to be at a friend of the family's house - we ALWAYS have parties at her house because it's big and gorgeous and she's an amazing hostess..... I think your MOH and possibly other bridesmaids are usually pretty involved when it comes to throwing the shower, but I'm really not 100% sure. I never heard that your family isn't supposed to throw your shower - so that's new to me! Some "rules" seem kind of outdated nowadays.....
My mom is throwing me one, and my MIL is throwing the other. No one even blinked about this. I am having only family to both, so why would I make my MOH who doesn't know then throw it? Plus she lives 2.5 hours away from eeveryone else :) My Master of Ceremonies and MOH are helping my mom who is doing it by herself, that day with food, serving ect. I am doing the decorations with them lol(my mom hates decorating). My MIL is doing it with her sisters so she will have lots of help :) They both wanted to do it, and as I said, no one has said anything about it.
Plus if your mom is insisting on 100 plus people, then I think she should be the one willing to do the work for it, or settle for a much smaller gathering, it isn't fair to throw that at a MOH, the financial burden of such a day would be huge. Just my opinion.
We haven't even begun figuring out shower plans yet. BUT, when I was my sister's MOH a few years ago, I was a broke college student. My aunt let us use her house (she had a big enough house to hold it), and my sister's MIL helped with a lot of the cooking. We got other people involved because the bridal party was all either in college or just graduated, so none of us had the money to do a lot.
Doing a backyard celebration or something at someone's house (if it's big enough) can be classy and very tasteful if done right. Get your bridesmaids to volunteer to cook/bake, and maybe even forego favors (no one really ever uses them, anyway). Remember, it's a day to celebrate YOU and one of the earlier opportunities to formally wish you well in your marriage!
My mom and MIL threw our shower. I know what etiquette supposedly says, but quite frankly, that's outdated. I see your from the Chicago area, as am I. In this region it is quite common for the mothers to throw the bridal showers. In fact, I've never been to a shower that wasn't thrown by the MOB or MOG.
@Vegas Pug: I agree. More and more brides are ignoring this piece of etiquette, it seems. I understand its origin (I guess), but it's definitely becoming an outdated "rule."
I live in the deep south so this may not apply to your situation.
Southern belles usually stick to southern etiquette.
Family members/relatives and especially the mother of bride or groom should never throw a shower or party (other than an engagement party where no gifts are expected) for the couple.
Bridesmaids/MOH do not bear the responsiblity of the bridal shower or tea here either (thankfully because most are young, just getting started and without the necessary funding for such a fete)! The bridesmaids or MOH may give the lingerie shower, but rarely the bridal tea or bridal shower.
Often, it is friends of the MOB (and sometimes the MOG) that throw the bridal tea down here in the deep south and less often friends of the bride will assist, if the bride is older (30+).
Depending on the bride, there are usually 15-30 hostesses who each contribute around ~$25-30 each toward expenses of the shower/tea and a gift for the happy couple.
It's totally normal in most parts of the US for moms to throw showers now. My mom threw mine for my first wedding and no one said a thing.
Being a poor graduate student myself, I had no problem throwing my best friend her shower. We did it at my mother's house and prepared the food ourselves (some tea sandwiches, awesome salads, etc.), bought a few bottles of decent wine, and got a cake from Publix. Most of the games are low-cost or cost-free. We put together a slideshow of photos from her childhood, made her answer questions about her groom that he had already given us the answers to and made her hold a marshmellow in her mouth for each wrong one, etc. It was not a heavy investment.
@Lorelei: I am also from the deep south, raised with the same rule. Now I'm marrying a Northerner and his mom is throwing me a shower. I got super nervous about it and yet no one here thinks anything is odd about it!!!! But I'm letting it go, it's all Northerners anyway who will be here so they think its ok, I will go with that LOL :)
My mom, however, was horrified :)
Yeah it is totally normal where i live for the mom to throw it. My mom is having one in NY and my FMIL is having one in Florida. I have never been to one that was not hosted by the mom or FMIL.
I feel that since your mom is really the only one wanting this shower and insisting that there are 100 guests, she ought to be the one to pay for it. Whether you choose her to have hosting credits or not
Anyone can throw a shower. I think etiquette is your MOH throws it at the mother of the brides house =) My mom and cousin (MOH) will be throwing a joint one in my hometown and my best friend will be throwing me another one where I currently live (180 miles away). :)
LOL
Bless your mom's heart!!
I know she was horrified, as I would be too!!
But like you said, it's different there where you are now.
As they say, "when in Rome....."
Enjoy your day and all of your fetes!
On a side note, I work for a company in New England and have learned from their brides that there are very big differences regionally in what is accepted/practiced. That's why I always try to preface my posts about where I live to add perspective!!
Honestly I'm kinda bummed, I doubt I will have a shower. I have not heard anyone mention it and my wedding is in 9 weeks. I would not dare mention it to anyone though. I think everyone is busy and fell on hard times.
Does your mom have a group of close friends? In my parents circle of friends, there is a group of 8-9 women who always throw the showers for the brides (daughters or soon to be daughter-in-laws of the women in the group of friends). So the cost gets split between all the people who are hosting. Anyways, I think its a really sweet tradition and perhaps you could suggest it to your mom? You could start a new tradition. My mom isn't involved in hosting or paying for the shower but she tried to be and I dont see any reason why your mom couldn't be involved. I guess its not tradition for the MOB to throw the shower but I know many that do. And she could just chip in.
Anyways, I think my shower is going to be in this cool restaraunt in a loft space that I really like near my hometown. You should bring up the shower - I think its a great part of the whole wedding experience!
My mom is so antisocial lol ! I doubt she would even know where to begin. sad right? I'm gonna enjoy getting married and not worry about a shower, if it happens it happens.
@tuscanybride12: That is so sad! Every bride should have the opportunity to be showered. What about a close friend---expressing your sadness. I see nothing wrong with that at all.
Hoping someone comes through for you!!!
Hugs!
@Lorelei: I hope something happens as well. I am kind of bummed about it and I shouldn't be.
My future mother in law and my sister/moh are throwing mine. It will be at FMIL's house. Could your sis and bridesmaids host at your Mom's house? Traditionally mothers didn't host these events because the bride still lived at home, but now that we ladies are moving out on our own, its more acceptable.
However, it is up to your bridal party to plan the shower. If they truly cannot, and no one steps forward to do so, there will be no shower. It is not ok to throw your own.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| rachgirl82 | 28 |
| kate02121 | 12 |
| ndreighton | 11 |
| louiseW | 10 |
| ozpeony | 8 |
| Lyndzo | 7 |
| cbeyelia | 6 |
| rivierabridal | 6 |
| slicey19 | 5 |
| andielovesj | 5 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| SutSip | 1 |
| kate02121 | 1 |
| arbuzunia | 1 |
| mrs.stormylove | 1 |
I'm feeling a bit perplexed and bummed out about my potential bridal shower. Let me start off by saying that I hate the idea of having a shower -- it feels so greedy and entitled to me. However, my mom is quite traditional, and she wants me to have one.
My MOH/sister would like to throw me one, but she's a broke college student. My other two bridesmaids are broke graduate school students. I definitely would not feel comfortable with putting any of them in that situation financially (since we have about 100 people who "have to" be invited, according to my mom.) I have no aunts who I am close to. My future in-laws apparently like me, but have zero interest in the wedding -- I tried asking FMIL's opinion on invitations the other day, and she just blew me off: "it's your wedding."
Who's throwing your shower? And where are you having it? I'd like to just have a very informal one in my parents' backyard, but my mom says that the MOB isn't supposed to throw the shower. What do you all think?