(Closed) Who stands under the Chuppah?

posted 6 years ago in Jewish
Post # 3
49 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

It’s traditional for both sets of parents to stand under the chuppah, but if you mother and father aren’t going to be standing beside you then I understand your concern.

We are having our mothers stand under the chuppah with us. My FI’s father is deceased and I don’t have a good relationship with my father, so this made sense for us.

What’s nice about having your mother up there with you is that she traditionally lifts the veil from over your face before you sip from the first cup of wine. I think it’s a really nice gesture and that’s partly why we chose to have our mothers up there with us.

If I were in your position I would talk to my mother and make sure that she really doesn’t want to be up there. But if your parents aren’t under the chuppah I think it would probably look strange to have just his parents. Maybe your Fiance can talk to them about it?

Post # 4
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@abarber3: Your Future Mother-In-Law is correct. She is quoting tradition exactly as it is. Did you talk to your fiance and ask what he would like to do or what he is comfortable with? You most certainly are able to have an interfaith officiant….it is done all of the time here in Las Vegas. The officiants will section off the ceremony scripts, the Rabbi will state his portions and in Hebrew if the family practices to that extent. Again, that is very traditional and not at all rare. Then, the Paster, Priest, etc will continue on with the other portion of the ceremony. If they are going to do it this way, I would strongly advise you to have a rehearsal or two before.

You are going to be signing the Ketubah etc before so why skimp on the rest of the traditions. I say embrace it all the way, give you guests and children something different to experience. EMBRACE IT.

PS, no Im not Jewish Wink Good luck doll, best wishes

Post # 5
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

The parents traditionally are under the chuppah, but they dont have to be like right next to you. Considering your dad may co-officiate, what if his parents stood behind you (from the guests’ perspective) and next to the rabbi? That way it sort of mirrors where your dad is? Would your mom be ok with this set up?  The point of it is supposed to show that you are marrying the 2 families and not just the couple if that helps her see it a bit differently.  Either way, I think you and your Fiance should decide on what makes you comfortable–if it’s really wanting your mom there, ask her to be, if it is wanting no parents up there then you should have Fiance explain that to his parents. 

Post # 6
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My Darling Husband and I are “liberal” Jews and chose to have just us and our Rabbi under the chuppah. Even if we had had a more orthodox Jewish wedding, neither of our moms or DH’s father or step father expected to be under the chuppah. Darling Husband walked his mom down the aisle to her seat, DH’s step dad was one of his groomsmen and my mom and grandma walked me down the aisle and then took their seats in the front.

Get married however you want to. Explain to them (with your Fiance, or have your Fiance do it) that while you want them to be a part of your special day, you want it to be just the two of you under the Chuppah. You know it’s not exactly traditional but you’re not having an exactly traditional wedding. You’d like them to sit in the front row so they’re still close to you but the Chuppah is just for you two.

Post # 7
231 posts
Helper bee

Our ceremony was performed by a judge not a rabbi, but we had a chuppah to satisfy DH’s parents/grandparents (he’s Jewish, i’m not). Underneath were just me, Darling Husband, and the judge. Honestly, it wasn’t very big and I think it would have been VERY crowded under there with two sets of parents! Both of our parents were in the front row and had a great view of everything. 

Post # 8
1 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

My Future Mother-In-Law tried to pull this too! My fiance told her no and reminded her that it’s not a Jewish wedding it’s an interfaith wedding. I would put my foot down and have your fiance talk to his mother about this.

Post # 9
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am really hoping to have only my Fiance and I under the chuppah, but as he is very traditional, I am doubting that will happen.

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