Who stays where if you're in the wedding party

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@AlmostMrsJPS:  If I was a guest of someone who was in a wedding, and I was told I had to get my own room (or worse, share a room with a rando) because the bride was forcing all the guys to stay together the night before against their wishes, I would be pissed.

I think the “hooking up with a girl” thing is a little immature, but at the end of the day, they are all adults, and if they want their own room, then let them have their own room if they are willing to pay for it. They may decide to bring guests with them, and it’s silly to make their guests get yet another room. You are getting your room with your girls, and that’s all that should matter to you, IMO. 

I personally would welcome the news that the groomsmen are staying apart from the groom the night before. It’s less chance for them to get shitfaced and do something stupid and be all hungover at the wedding the next day.

Post # 4
133 posts
Blushing bee

Let them stay wherever the heck they want. They are adults and can fend for themselves. I think it’s pretty bossy to tell grown men and women where they need to stay the night before your wedding. 

Post # 5
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Offer to pay for whatever you think is appropriate.  Then if they want their own rooms they can pay the difference.  Personally I would not want to share a hotel room with that many people, and if I had a significant other attending as my guest there is no WAY I would ditch him for a slumber party.  It’s fine to limit your hotel subsidy but I don’t think you should be a control freak about where people sleep.

And if you’re just booking but not paying, then it’s definitely not your call.

Post # 7
2079 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@AlmostMrsJPS:  Where did you ever get the idea that all the groomsmen and all the bridesmaids had to share rooms for a wedding at all? And what gives with the idea that the bride and groom must spend the night before the wedding in the same room as their attendants? I have never, ever heard of this before. If I was in a wedding and the bride told me I HAD to spend the night sharing a room AND bed with the other bridesmaids I’d be pretty pissed. Especially if my FI was coming to the wedding with me.  

These people are all adults, are they not? Let them stay wherever the hell they want and let them pay for it too. You are making this far more complicated than it has to be.


Post # 8
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@AlmostMrsJPS:  I think it’s nice of you to offer to book them all together so they can spend time together, and I understand why you think it would be a good opportunity, but that’s not really something you can force upon people. I think it’s something that they should get to decide. They’ll just have to find out the hard way that they aren’t getting any action that night.

Post # 11
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@AlmostMrsJPS:  I think that guys are much less likely to want to do the ‘slumber party’ as girls are, so I don’t think it’s abnormal or rude at all for them to want their own room, even if just for having your own personal space, not just for ‘hooking up’. They may be weirded out with sharing a bed with another guy. If all of your girls are cool with your arrangements for them then that is fine for the girls.

Are you and your FI paying for the rooms? or just ‘booking’ the room for them and they pay later? 

If the guys want to hang out the night before the wedding, they can just pick one person’s room to hang out in as a group. (Preferably not your FI’s room though, since would be much easier for him to say ‘good night’ and leave, than to get people to leave when you want them to.) No reason why they have to all stay in the same room. Also, it’s probably better this way for your FI if he decides he doesn’t want to be staying up till the wee hours of the morning of his wedding day. 


Post # 12
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@AlmostMrsJPS: You posted on an internet forum asking for opinions. That’s pretty much opening the floodgates on any forum, in my experience.

I agree with previous posters that where everyone stays the night before and of the wedding really shouldn’t be of any concern to you. Just let them hash it out themselves and save yourself the stress.

Post # 13
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Let the guys find their own rooms for the night before. I think if they want to stay with your FI thats cool, but if not you can’t gripe about it. My MOH slept in my room the night before, that’s it. 

Post # 14
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t want to share a bed or bathroom with another grown up that I wasn’t swapping spit with ie my husband. So yes, I can see why the groomsmen don’t want to bunk up. 


Post # 15
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would just let them get their own rooms.  

Post # 16
16 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

Im gonna have to agree with PP… ive never heard of this and my people can stay and sleep wherever they want… we have a few hotel options and they can pick which ever they want for that too… I just need them to show up on time and wear the right thing

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