Who to address Save the Dates to??

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@sofetch:  I wouldn’t put plus ones on the Save The Dates. Save that for the invites. Say “Mr. John Smith & Guest” – on the INVITES, just “Mr. John Smith” on the Save the Date.

For our friends in committed relationships, that are not yet married we wrote both of their names on the save the date” Mr. John Smith & Miss Abigail Adams”

Married couples – “Mr. & Mrs. John Smith”

Post # 4
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

@sofetch:  That comes with the actual invitation.

 

This will also leave you some room, should something change and you need to cut the guests for non social units.

ETA: that no one should be addressed as “and Guest”  Every one should be invited by name.

Post # 5
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@andielovesj:  While I agree that those in exclusive relationships should most certainly not be labled “and Guest” – if someone is 100% single and you merely want to give them the curtosey of a +1, I think “And Guest” is perfectly acceptable. You don’t necessarily know when sending out the invitations who a single invitee might bring. 

Post # 6
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

@Mrs_Galoshes:  You can disagree with me, but it is a long standing point of polite etiquette that you treat all your guests the same, and that includes inviting guests by name.  Technically, each guest should also receive an invitation mailed to their own address. I didn’t make this rule up.

It is not that difficult to call you your guests and say Mary, I was getting started on the invitations, and I wanted to see if you would like to bring someone to the wedding with you”

 

Post # 7
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@andielovesj:  

Rules? What happens if you address an invitation to “& Guest?” Will you get locked up in Wedding Jail?

I totally think that if the person is in a relationship that both parties should be addressed on the invitation. But it’s such a generous courtesy to even extend a plus one to single invitees that I don’t think the average plus one would be offended that they weren’t expressly invited by name.

To be honest, most wedding dates probably never even see the invitation. They don’t really care about the people getting married, either. They just go to dance with their date, drink at an open bar and enjoy a free meal. Let’s be real here. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Everyone’s been a guest at a wedding they didn’t really care about.

Me, personally – I would not make those phone calls. I feel like it sort of puts single people on the spot. They probably already feel grumpy as a single person going to a wedding. Let them have the time & opportunity to bring whom they chose – if you’ve elected for them to have a plus-one.

Post # 8
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@sofetch:  We didn’t put “and guest” on the save the dates. We’ll be doing that on the wedding invitations.

Post # 9
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

@Mrs_Galoshes:  Well now you are just being ridculous.  Of course you will not go to wedding jail.

But you will be behaving in a way that is not in line with polite manners.  It may not bother you, but it may bother someone else.  Which is really the reason for etiquette in the first place.

This question is in the etiquette section.  I am providing the actual correct etiquette on the situation.  This is not my opinion.  If you don’t believe me, check The Post Institute, or Judith Martin, or any other official etiquette expert.

You don’t like it, don’t follow it.  Doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

Post # 11
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think a huge benefit of asking for names is that it emphasizes that invitations are NOT transferable and plus ones are for serious relationships (if that is what you want).  I have huge problems with random plus ones.  You dont know if your cousin will bring one of the BM’s exes.   By asking for name, you can sort out ahead of time.  And it will prevent most reasonable people from brining some guy they met the week before.  Too many people here complain that guest list got out of control.  I think the best answer is to minimize STDs and make them SPECIFIC.

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