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There is no rule saying that you must allow guests. Not everyone wants random strangers attending who don't care about the couple. The only time that a +1 is required is if someone is married, engaged or seriously dating, and in those situations, you should know who the other party is. If someone is not seeing anyone, they don't need a guest. Since you mentioned they will know others at the reception, they will be able to enjoy themselves just fine without bringing a random friend whom you may not be able to afford to feed.
Good topic! I am having the same problem. Mine is not as much in regards to my BM but just people in general. When do you put "and guest"? I think that this is hard!
I like your answer ember...it also saves $$$! Those people who you don't even know can cost a lot of money!!
I generally go by the married, engaged, serious relationship rule for guests. But I feel like I may make an exception for the bridal party... although they may end up not even bringing anyone!
It is usually traditional for the bridal party to bring dates, but if they aren't dating anyone, and they know plenty of guests, it seems like it would be easier for them to come without dates than bring some guy they don't know well and feel obligated to entertain him. If they mention it, I would say just that, "You are welcome to bring someone if you would like, but I honestly thought you might have more fun relaxing and hanging out with friends than trying to babysit a date!"
I would have a chat with them and break down the costs- my bridesmaids totally get that one of them (who is married) is allowed to bring a guest while the other isn't (because she's not seeing anyone) just to keep costs down. And if she were to meet Mr. Right tomorrow, I'd budge and let her bring him. :o) That's my POV
I invited my matron of honor's husband and one of my bridesmaid's boyfriend. Nobody else is seeing anyone seriously, and they all have to travel a long way to come to the wedding, so I don't think they would have brought anyone anyway (and the two SO's who are invited might not end up making it, either.)
For everyone else, I'm inviting spouses and fiances, but no other SO's. I'm on a tight budget, and have had to ask my parents and in-laws to limit their list (and have had to limit mine as well.) I had an absolute ceiling numbers-wise, so the way I see it, by excluding people I don't know, I'm able to INCLUDE close family friends that are important to my parents. Maybe that is just my own justification....but it worked for me.
While most people seem to feel the opposite, I actually think it makes LESS sense to make an exception to give the bridal party a +1. They will be separated from their date for a significant part of the wedding (pre-ceremony, ceremony, at least some of reception), and they probably won't know anyone else there. The bridal party knows people so it's not as though they will feel lonely or awkward (while their poor random date might). So I would definitely say that you don't need to make an exception for them to bring someone they aren't seriously dating.
I was writing a response but hit refresh & moneypenny basically covered everything I was going to say. ;)
@Ember78...I totally agree: married, engaged, living together/seriously dating! As our big day approaches, we have had a few friends requesting to bring the lastest honeyboo....of course we've never met nor heard of this person and chances are 6 months from now they will not be together....so I'd rather my $180 pp go to a loved one or a wow factor for the wedding!
Here is the thing - I planned my wedding and was shocked at the fact that 30 guests turned into 60 because of the 'plus 1' but in the end, I decided that the best thing to do was to invite the people I care the most about and am closest to - and to allow them to bring a guest because I felt that it was the right thing to do.
And yes - there were people at my wedding that I didnt know very well and it was a small wedding, but I believe that if you are asking people to attend your wedding and bring a gift then the least you can do is allow them to bring someone to share the day with while they watch you during the ceremony and dance and cut cake, etc. But thats just me.
I ended up inviting one of my friends who brought her boyfriend and I had never met him and they didnt bring a gift or anything - but all I cared about was that she was there and had a good time.
So now her wedding is around the corner (she just got engaged) and I find out that she is deciding not to allow anyone to bring guests - which includes me bringing my husband! I cant help but be completely offended. I invited her and her boyfriend to my wedding and now she is not allowing me to bring my HUSBAND as my date - its totally rude.
Money doesnt grow on trees for anyone and you shouldnt say "oh some people can afford it and allow guests but since your on a tight budget its ok". I had to tighten my budget in some areas to allow in other areas and I think that throwing a wedding is expensive - but so is attending one. I suppose the next excuse will be 'Thank you cards are expensive - I just wont send any out'.
I think the least a bride and groom could do is allow someone to bring their spouse, and if you cant afford it - dont invite them at all. In my case, this is one of the many selfish things my friend has done without considering her friends feelings and Ive decided not to attend the wedding at all.
No ring, no bring, y'all.
Generally the rule is that if you have someone who is single and not dating anyone it is at your discretion to extend them the offer of a guest. If they know other people at the reception you technically don't have to offer them a guest. If they won't know anyone, it's generally seen as a courtesy to give them a guest so they aren't all alone.
@totallyinlove - that is so rediculous that she is not inviting your husband - that's terrible and so wrong. I feel like once you're married, you're both invited no matter what (unless it's like a girls night out or something)...bizarre!
@butrfly - I agree with what most other people have said - married, engaged or living together can bring guests, everyone else is on their own (except maybe if someone is older or won't know many people).
We are doing the traditional if youre married/engaged/seriously dating then you can bring your SO. There are only a few exceptions to this such as our Best Man, on of my BMs and a couple of our friends who have to travel from far away and dont know many people that are invited to the wedding.
I'm not in the majority here, but I'm with totallyinlove on this one. I've been single for a lot of weddings and being at a wedding while single can be tough, not even having a date there is harder. I get that if the bridesmaids aren't seeing anyone at all then maybe you could explain the cost and ask that they really consider that and not invite just any old guy friend. But what about the girl who's been dating a guy for a month? You've all been there. There's that last hour of the reception when couples are dancing to slow songs together and she's sitting there thinking about that guy she's been dating for a month and wishing he was there. She's done a lot for you and the least you could do is allow her to dance with the one she wants.
It's one thing to prevent people on your guest list who aren't in serious relationships to bring +1, but its pretty rude to not even give your bridal party the option.
Keep in mind all of the wonderful things these girls have done for you to prepare for your wedding and the monetary expense that they have incurred to do so.
If I was one of them and didn't have a boyfriend, but was told that I couldn't bring a +1, I would be really put off by that.
They may not even want to bring a +1, but they should have the option.
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2 of my bridesmaids do not have boyfriends and are not dating anyone. In interest of saving money (my venue is $180 pp), I was not planning on inviting them with guests, but then I thought since they are in the bridal party I should give them the option to bring someone. Both girls will know the majority of the people at my wedding so I thought they'd have fun without dates. Is it rude to invite them without dates? What should I do??