Post # 1
FI has a brother who has been dating a girl for 3 years (we’ll call her “A”) . FI and I have been together two and a half. FI’s brother is not engaged to this girl, but they are pretty serious. She is nice and, overally, I really like her. To accomodate his family, I made her a bridesmaid. I really did not mind. Like I said, she is mostly a very sweet, fun, nice girl. She can, however, be pretty assertive and demanding and his family is almost scared of upsetting her. I mentioned to his mother last night that I want some family pictures in which “A” is not included because she is not yet really a member of the family. Basically, I wanted some pics where it is just my FI with his family, some pics were it is me and my FI with his family and some pics where it is me, my FI and A with his family. His mother got really upset and said “well, she is going to be your FSIL and she practically lives with us.”
I can honestly say that my intention is not to exclude A. Really, I don’t dislike her. It just feels inappropriate to include her in all of the family photos when she will not yet be related by blood or by marriage. She is a very nice girl and I really do hope she marries FI’s brother one day so we can all be family. Truly, I do. I guess I just feel steamrolled. I don’t know
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
You area absolutely correct to want photos that are JUST family. She’s not family yet, so she doesn’t have to be in every photo.
Post # 4
There was a thread in the waiting forums a few months back about a girl being upset that she wasn’t allowed in her SO’s sister’s wedding photos and so this thread was started:
Spinoff from a Waiting Thread: Including SOs in Family Photos
In essence, the consensus is that you should do some with and some without (so you’re plan is a-okay) since they are not really family yet…
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Normally, the photographer will have you take photos of all sorts of combinations. You should let the photographer direct this (after you inform him/her of what you want) so that the blame is not one you at all. You will get photos with extended family + dates/spouses, just extended family, nuclear family + date/spouses, just nuclear family, parents + dates/spouses (if applicable), just parents, siblings + dates/spouses, and just siblings. This is normal. For example, I have photos with just my mom and dad (who are divorced) and then my mom, dad, and step-dad, and then just my mom and step-dad. Likewise with DH’s brother’s fiance. We have a photos of us with just the brother and with the both of them.
Post # 6
@mrsSonthebeach: this is a good suggestion. I just know that I would be painted as being mean or excluding her if I said anything about it.
Post # 7
We did one IMMEDIATE family shot (FI, MIL, FIL, Me and BIL) and then we did one GROUP shot of ALL the family (extended) and I told everyone that if they felt that there SO was important enough to them to be in the photo then sure, why not. I don’t know if that helps but it worked out for us…
Maybe just do one shot with her?
Post # 8
@lilgrizzlygirl: well, I am going to do a couple shots with her but I will not include her in every shot
Post # 9
It’s fine to do both with and without her. DH’s brother has been dating and lives with this girl that we absolutely LOVE, and fully expect them to get married. We did pictures with and without her. Actually, someone had to go get her for pictures because she was at cocktail hour, assuming she wouldn’t be in them!
I would hold your ground. One of my mom’s regrets is that in their wedding pictures is one of my uncle’s exes, and they have no family pictures including that uncle without her.
Post # 10
My DH’s brother got married about two years before DH and I did. At the time, DH and I had been dating for something like six years (we had been together much longer than his brother and the bride). Because of a somewhat embarassing situation a few years prior (his aunt was taking a picture at a family holiday, and when I got up to be in it, she told me to sit down because it was just family…ouch! Message could have been delivered in a little more of a kinder fashion), I asked about the picture protocol. I stood in the big family picture, and they did some pictures with me, some without. I completely understood.
I like the idea that another person posted about letting the photographer take charge. Maybe have the photographer start off with doing a picture that is just your FI’s nuclear family (not even you), then add you in, then add in the other SO’s. This way, if you work your way up, you may not run into that.
Post # 11
A seasoned pro will have lots of experience with unique family dynamics. I recommend talking to your photographer and let them know the deal. I once had to edit an ex girlfriend from a wedding album. It was a lot of work and expensive for the couple. You are smart to have just a couple without her. She doesn’t have to know you talked to your photographer about getting that shot so it kind of on them.