Post # 1
Ok, so I am getting married May 15. My FI and I are getting ready to send out our save-the-dates, as we have quite a few out of town guests. Here’s my concern:
I am currently in nursing school, and through this I have made some AWESOME friends. Probably some of the best friends I have ever had. I know that I want these girls to be there with me to celebrate. My only problem is that I do not have enough room on the guest list to invite their husbands, boyfriends, FI’s, etc. I have only ever met one of my friends significant others. My question is would it be rude to only invite my friends from class without inviting their spouces and boyfriends?
Four of them are married, and the other 3 have boyfriends. Like I said though, I have only ever met one of the husbands.
What do you think??
Post # 3
for the married ones, it is rude to not invite the husbands. For the ones dating, its not THAT rude depending on situation. If they live together or are engaged or been together for years, it can be upsetting. You can say that dure to venue size it doesnt allow for the +1s of anyone but married and engaged couples. Its tough, Id invite them all +1…
Post # 4
I would think that if you invited a married friend that you should invite their spouse. I honestly wouldn’t go if my husband wasn’t invited, but that’s just me. Sometimes in situations like this you have to put the shoe on the other foot so to speak. And for your friends that just have boyfriends you don’t even need to put a +1 if you don’t want.
Post # 5
if they’re married or seriously seeing someone, it would be weird to not invite their significant others. if space is an issue, could you wait to see if any of the oot guests respond no to the std (we had some of those) before you send the local stds out?
Post # 6
I understand your predicament as we have a small guest list as well (75 are expected to come), but it would defintely be rude to not invite the husbands. If the boyfriends are serious, or the couple lives together, you need to invite them as well. We didn’t allow plus one’s for our guests that were in casual relationships, new relationships or single and just needed a date. So THAT you could get away with, but married couples and those in serious relationships need to be invited as a couple.
Can you trim down your guest list anywhere else? Maybe Great Aunt Mildred who you haven’t seen in years and never talk to? Or, if you really want to invite them (which is sounds like you should!), just consider adding another table, and assume that some people won’t come. Even with a very small guest list (we actually invited 100 people), we had a 75 percent acceptance rate, so keep that in mind as well.
Post # 7
I could see not inviting boyfriends/girlfriends, but I think it’s different with married couples. I’d think it was a little weird that my husband was invited to a wedding and I was not. I think if you want to invite your friends, then you probably have to include their spouses. Like Miss Chapstick suggested, you might be able to make some cuts elsewhere if you really want your friends there.
FWIW, I wanted to invite some of my grad school friends (whom I met after I had already gotten engaged), but our numbers just didn’t allow it. I was kinda bummed but they totally understood–and even threw a little Girls Night for me anyway. If you can’t include your school friends, they’ll probably understand why.
Post # 8
Have you taken into account the ‘declines’ yet? Assuming at least 10% of your guests can’t make it, would that open up room for your new friends?
Post # 9
Spouses, definitely not. It’s kind of wierd to celebrate marriage by separating a married couple! Dating, it depends on the relationship, but it would be nice to invite an established couple together.
Post # 10
What if you got them together and asked them if they would mind coming solo? They’d all know each other, you could seat them together, and maybe it could be a fun girl’s thing for them? You never know, they might be find with it.
Post # 11
I have talked to a few of them – the single ones – and they have told me no problem! They completely understood, and said their boyfriends probably wouldn’t come anyways. It’s just the married ones I was concerned about.
I wish it was as easy as adding more tables, haha. My venue only allows 200 guests for a seated dinner – no matter what. That sounded like a lot to us when we first looked into the place. It’s just now that we’re really sitting down and looking into our guest lists that we have run into problems. It wouldn’t be an issue, but we have had some people that have thought it would be a good idea to call up my parents and tell them that they can’t wait to come to the wedding. I mean we could very well just tell them, sorry too bad (in a nice way) – I am honestly not even sure how to handle that situation – but I’m one of those people that like to make everyone happy 🙁
We decided when we first put our deposit on the place that we would divide the head count equally between the two of us. So I get 100 guests, and he gets 100 guests. We thought this would be the only fair way to do it. Well, unfortunately, my family and I are close to a lot of people. About half of my 100 is my family (immediate) and the bridal party and their families.
I like the idea of sending out our OOT save the dates first and then sending out local ones depending on who we hear back from. Do people usually respond yes, or no to a save-the-date, though? If so, that would be awesome!
Thanks everyone for the advice.
Post # 12
I agree with the previous posters- I think you need to invite the husbands. However, I’m pretty sure that you don’t add “And Guest” to the save the dates. Those should only be in the name of your single friends. (Married couples would be “Mr & Mrs” on both the save the dates and invites.)”And guest” would be added to the actual invites. Since your wedding is so far away, you never know if those girls will all be with their boyfriends. By the time you send out your invites, some of them might be single. Or some other friends might be single, freeing up room in the invite list.
Post # 13
I agree that you would need to invite your friends’ SOs. As long as your friends aren’t OOT guests, you could probably get away without sending them STDs at all. For my grad school friends (and my FI’s coworkers, who are also local), we aren’t sending STDs – just the regular invites. In the meantime, you & your family should keep in touch with the OOT guests so you can try to figure out who won’t be able to make it before you need to send out the invites.
Post # 14
I think if you have a group of friends and you explain the situation and all the women come without dates it would be ok. Personally, if for some reason i was invited to a wedding without FI but I had a bunch of girl friends who were also there alone, I wouldn’t really care. Might even be fun!
Post # 15
I agree with Juniper22. I think if you told talked to them all together about it, they could plan and make it a “girls’ night”! As long as they are all friends with eachother, it could be an awesome time!