Who to send save the dates to?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1951 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@banjolellie:  Save the dates go to anyone you are inviting to the wedding. I haven’t heard of anyone doing what your FI’s buddy did. That’s just weird. Save the dates are important because it allows people to plan: time off work, travel, hotels, etc. 

Post # 4
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I sent STDs only to those I listed as *VIP*s.  Meaning there was no way they would be removed from my guest list.  Examples would be grandparents, parents, siblings, aunts/uncles. 

Post # 5
3699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@LMD:  +1

Only send a STD to someone you are POSITIVE you will invite. Once you send a STD, you HAVE to send an invitation.

Post # 6
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I sent STDs to all my guests

Post # 7
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I skipped them.  If you send them, make sure you ONLY send them to people who will, without a doubt, be invited FOR SURE.  Once you send the STD, you can’t not send an invitation 🙂

Post # 8
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@banjolellie:  To save on postage, I’m sending them to my out of town guests only for travel planning purposes. That equates to about 75% of my guests.

Post # 9
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

STDs are a relatively NEW thing when it comes to Wedding Stationery… they have essentially replaced the Engagement Announcement in the Social Pages of one’s local Newspaper

There is one SEVERE Downside to STDs (besides the cost) and that is the fact that altho they function as a “Flyer / Announcement”… they have come to mean that you WILL FOLLOW UP with a real Invitation

Therefore, they must be used with caution

Don’t ever send one to someone if you for any reason think they won’t make the cut on the Guest List, as that is seen to be quite RUDE (altho debateable… as it truly is only an Announcement… however you have told them to “save the date”)

(This is precisely WHY a lot of Brides / Couples use them with caution if it is early days in the Engagement… and BEFORE they’ve done the calculations when it comes to Date – Budget – Venue – Final Guest List, etc)

Hope this helps,


Post # 10
98 posts
Worker bee

Please learn from our mistake. We sent Save the Dates to everyone on our guest list. Daughter, groom and FMIL then came up with some additons and sent a few more. We are over our guest limit becasue people that we thought would not come are coming. Once you sent the STD you are committed to sending an invite, I agree with previous poster. Send the STD to out of towners and people you absolutely would not cut. Once your invitations go out make the response time early enough so that you can send out a few more invitations if you get some no responses you weren’t expecting. If money and space is no problem then send them to whomever and disregard my previous advice!! The STD caused us alot of stress and it has meant we are spending over our budget because we are having more guests than we anticipated.

Post # 11
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

We sent them out to all of our guests but made sure we finalized our guest list beforehand. We have only added one person to our guest list since then. No other changes, so I think if you’re going to send them out make sure you really look at your guest list first.


Post # 12
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would only send them to people who have to travel/close family!

But we didn’t bother sending any! We sent out our invites 3 months before the big day, and only got a 2 “no” RSVPs back!

Post # 13
1644 posts
Bumble bee

If you wish to be truly proper, do not send them at all.

The people whose attendance you most desire at your wedding, are the people who are close enough that they ought to be told in a more personal way, than in a commercially-printed mass mail-out. Write them individual notes: hand-written in black ink on pretty stationery if you like, but even an email — personal and individual — is better than bulk advertising.

The people whose attendance is not critical at your wedding, do not really owe you the favour of saving a particular date: it seems a bit pushy to try to steal a march on their other friends for fear that they might accept some other invitation before you have a chance to send yours. And, if you really feel you need to announce your engagement somehow, you can always change your Facebook status — replacing the old social section of the newspaper is the most legitimate use of Facebook I can think of.

However, if you are committed to the notion of sending Save-the-date cards, at least make sure that you send them ONLY to the people whose invitation is one-hundred-percent not in doubt in any way no matter what; and make sure that your mom and grandma at a minimum hear about your plans before they get the save-the-date card.

Post # 14
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

The only people we are sending them to is FI’s family in Puerto Rico.  Everyone else is local.  These people are must-haves: father, mother, brother, so they will be invited.

Post # 15
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We sent them to the majority of our guests, everyone we were sure we wanted to invite at that time.  It ended up being about 80% of our guests.  The others, we added to the guest list later and just sent invites, no save the dates.  Over half of our guests are out of towners, so we wanted to send STDs to make sure they had plenty of notice to plan their trips.

Post # 16
27 posts
  • Wedding: April 2013

I sent STD’s to all guests…except co-workers. Wasnt quite set on that guest list at the time. Needless to say, only 3 were invited

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