(Closed) Who to send the save the dates to vs who to send the invites too

posted 8 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010


I don’t think there’s any way around it – you’ve got to send an invite to everyone who received a save-the-date.

Post # 4
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

IMO you have to send an invite to everyone you sent a save the date to. Now… I’m not sure if you have to send a save the date to everyone you plan to send an invite to (you probably should… but not sure). There are some people that I *have* to invite to my wedding that I”m hoping won’t come… so I will prob just send them and invite and not give them the 8 month notice 🙂

Post # 5
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

proper etiquette is that you should send invitations to those you sent save the dates to, even if you don’t want them to come/they probably won’t come.

Post # 6
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu

We’re sending invites to everyone that got stds..but also adding invites to some people that didn’t get stds (some people didn’t need them and wouldn’t have understood what it was).  I’m giving normal invites to family whom I don’t think will come because I know they will appreciate the gesture, but if you’re really worried about it, you could maybe send them an announcement instead?

Post # 7
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@Corgi – I think it’s one of those “all squares are rectangles, not all rectangles are squares” things.  Everyone who gets an STD is supposed to get an invite, but there’s no need to send an STD to a person who will be invited, but doesn’t need one.  I think?

Post # 8
1580 posts
Bumble bee

eeek. I guess you were really excited about your save the dates and wanted to send them to everyone 🙂 I think you have to send invitations to everyone who got a save the date though.

Post # 9
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you need to send an invite to anyone you sent a save the date to.  We recently sent out our STDs and I purposely did not send it to a few people that I am undecided about inviting (and they are also not close with others who DID get STDs, so they wouldn’t realize that they didn’t receive one.)

Post # 10
4485 posts
Honey bee

Proper etiquette says that whomever is on your save the date list gets an invite and vice versa. People will surprise you and show up if they really want to be there. Don’t assume anything. Either invite these people because you want them there or don’t but don’t make assumptions based on what you think they will do.

Post # 11
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Ditto PPs – everyone who got an STD (hehe) must get an invite, regardless of whether you think they will come. 

Post # 12
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Pretty much, the people who got a STD MUST also receive an invitation.  Think about it this way… with the STD, you have already asked people to hold the date of your wedding.  So it’s not really fair to then not send them an actual invitation.  If you think a lot of these people won’t attend, then you’re probably right.  But they still absolutely need to receive a formal invitation.

Post # 13
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Er. I’m actually a tad confused about what you’re asking us.

I would say if you sent someone a Save The Date you most definitely should send them an invite unless you know for a fact they will not be coming.

We are sending Save The Dates to all out of town guests and the “English speaking more Americanized” guests in NYC as well. Haha. The others would just be like what the heck is it and what does it say? The non English speaking guests will get the invites only and they’re primarily aunts and uncles and close family friends. So I know most likely they will be coming and if not only a handful and it’s not like they have to travel in.

Post # 14
13714 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

If you sent someone a save the date, barring extreme circumstances, they should get an invite.  Period.

Post # 15
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Even if you think they won’t come, they get an invite ESPECIALLY if you sent an STD.  if you didn’t want them there, why were they on the STD list?

Post # 16
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park

Unfortunately, since you sent them a save the date, you should definitely invite them.

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