Post # 1
My friend and I were talking about babies the other day – we both hope to have children in the near-ish future (one of us more ‘near’ than the other) and we were talking about who you would tell and when you would tell them that you were pregnant.
I would tell immediate family right away – parents and siblings and so would she. But I would want to tell my closest friends soon thereafter and she said she wouldn’t tell anyone else until after the first trimester was finished. Her reasoning is that it would be too hard to have to tell people if something happened to the pregnancy. My reasoning is that I think if something happened I would want to be able to turn to my friends.
So bees – mommies, future mommies, anyone with an opinion – what would you do? And why?
Post # 3
I would like to think we’d wait the first trimester and I’m sure we would before posting on FB but I can’t keep that kind of secret from my closest friends!
Post # 4
Children are not even a thought in my mind but my friend just went through her second miscarriage (in less than a year) and this time around she didnt tell anyone that she was pregnant. The first miscarriage was very hard on her since she had to explain to EVERYONE what happened but since noone knew about the second one, she was able to go on with her life.
I know its an exciting thing but I have to agree with your friend, its better to make sure your out of the woods before making it public.
Post # 5
I would tell family ASAP and my close girlfriends soon thereafter!
I wouldn’t be able to go through something like a miscarriage without telling them and having their support!
Post # 6
I think if you don’t tell anyone about the pregnancy, if there is a miscarriage then you have the option of telling people if you want support. However, once you do tell everyone, if you miscarry then you have to around every day explaining to everyone how you lost the baby.
Post # 7
I think the first person I’d tell (and probably before I even told FI that I suspected I might be) would be my MOH. We talk every day so I would not omit a suspicion like that! haha. So she would know and once I decided to buy a test FI would know. I’d probably wait until I could tell my parents in person (which could take a while bc I only see them maybe once/month). I’m not sure I’d tell anyone else until after the first trimester. Maybe 1 other friend.
Post # 8
I was pregnant, and we told our immediate family. It was very hard to keep the secret, but I also didn’t want to tell anyone else until the third trimester. And then I miscarried. I was sooooo glad that I didn’t tell anyone else! I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, I didn’t want to talk to anyone period. My hubby called my mom and told his family, and I sat at home for days. Eventually when I felt up to it, I did call my very close friends and told them what happened. But it was good that I could tell them when I was ready to start talking about it.
Post # 9
We plan to tell our families ASAP – there is no way I could keep that kind of information from them. But I think we’ll wait to tell others until we are out of the woods.
If (god forbid) something were to happen to the pregnancy, I’d still be able to get support from my best friends – you just tell them what happened at that time and they’ll be just as supportive as if they’d known all along – but I could avoid having to explain to people all the time what happened because we’d spread the word too quickly.
Post # 10
FI and I are a few years away from having a baby, but I think we would probably just tell our parents and maybe a few closer relatives – our sisters, my aunt, grandma’s, etc. Maybe not though. Who knows! I think we would definitely wait until the first trimester before putting it on FB, telling casual friends, etc.
My cousin posted it on facebook as soon as she found out, and miscarried a week or so later. I felt so bad for her, and I wouldn’t want to put it out there for everyone to see.
Post # 11
If I get preggers, I don’t think we would tell anyone until I would be close to the end of the 1st trimester. But then it would definitely be our parents…all together…at the same time. I can see it in my mind.
Post # 12
I didn’t chose anything because there’s not an “Other” option. I waited with Moose until close to the end of the first trimester to tell family because I was so sick. Due to being so sick, I told work immediately after my first doctor’s appointment. With our next pregnancy, I’m not telling ANYONE until I hold a living baby in my arms because I did make those calls after giving “birth” to a stillborn baby. It’s awful. Also, 10 months after Moose’s death, I have people asking me about my baby. Waiting is worth it.
@colors: I’m sorry for your loss. There are no words for that kind of pain.
Post # 13
Thanks everyone for sharing your replies. To the moms whose babies are in heaven, I am so sorry for your losses – that would be unimaginable and so devastating. I admire your strength after such a trauma.
I’ve added an ‘Other’ option to the poll, just an FYI.
Thanks ladies – keep those replies coming. It’s really interesting to see everyone’s perspective.
Post # 15
We have talked about waiting to tell anyone until after the 3rd trimester. My reason is that my SIL is pregnant and she told her parents and siblings (and in laws) within a couple weeks of knowing (4 weeks maybe) and she politely asked that none of us say anything to anyone until after the first trimester. Well my MIL – her own mother – told her friends and other relatives (aunts/uncles) before my SIL was ready to and I thought that was really really rude. SO that was when I decided we wouldnt be telling anyone. Maybe my mom, because she can keep a secret, but definitely not anyone else – especially his parents!!
To the women who have lost a child – I am so so sorry for your loss.
Post # 16
@PitBulLover: I had family drama over my pregnancy too. Not even a week after I found out, I had to go see my sis graduate with her Masters and I didn’t drink. It ended with me telling her so she could help me, but my uncle and his girlfriend figured it out. The gf decided that my family deserved to know and I was wrong int waiting to tell them, especially since I told work (it was effecting my work due to sickness). She told my Grandpop, his wife, and my only aunt. People were pissed and I didn’t talk to my uncle for a year. She spread lies about me to him and at our work even after I lost Moose in the 3rd trimester and still continues to do so. It’s turned my Grandmother against me and continues to effect my family. The worst part: my husband and I get no sympathy from some of my family members even though our baby died. So long story short, it’s not just wedding which drive people to craziness, it’s pregnancy. Sorry if that’s thread jacking, but I wanted to share that family drama continues with pregnancy.